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Why is my grandma always mad at me? (includes my life story)

Basically, my mom had me at a young age (17). Her and my dad weren't making the best choices at that time; due to their drug abuse, my dad being violent, and him always being in jail. Because of this my Grandparents adopted me. Ever since I was a little girl anytime my dad would come out of jail, my grandparents made him seem like the big bad wolf, and yeah maybe you make horrible life decisions but usually everyone has a soft spot for their own children, right? And I honestly feel that you're past experiences and whatnot does not define who you are as a person, especially because people usually tend to learn from their mistakes. However, every time he would come visit my grandparents made me so scared of him, which led me to never having a proper conversation with him, a hug, and not even a high five. All I ever got from my dad was probably a handshake and a short "Hey". Unfortunately, in late 2020 my grandpa got a phone call one day my dad had killed himself when he had got out of jail. And everyday I regret not having a conversation with him, not hugging him, and being scared of him. Now that my whole backstory is out of the way; because I live with my grandma and grandpa for some reason she HATES my guts. Literally, I can just be there listening to music with my headphones and doing work on my laptop, and she just starts screaming and being mad at me, and because I have my headphones on she will go out of her way and take them away from me. And it really bothers me that she is so unfair and is NEVER that way to her favorite daughters. However, its always different with me. And oh my, do not get me started when she throws her fits, anytime she is mad she will not tell you goodnight and she always makes herself the victim in most situations. Because she has epilepsy and Bipolar disorder/depression I suppose its acceptable but her behavior ESPECIALLY when shes being narcissistic, toxic, controlling, overly strict, and just always criticizing, judging, and commenting on my appearance or whatever she can to make me upset. For example, I think it was about last week when I wore a light face of makeup to school, it wasn't a whole lot it was just a little blush, contour, and Highlighter and she did not fail to be the first and only person to criticize me and make me feel bad. First of all she has NEVER ever complimented me or feel pretty or confident, but of course she is always there to make me feel the opposite. AnyWho, that morning she really told me (in Spanish) "Are you really that insecure that you have to wear makeup to feel pretty" and later on she was also making comments saying "you look like a breaded fish because of that makeup" WHEN IN REALITY you couldn't notice anything BUT the blush. I could really go on and tell you so much more but sometimes I feel like I may be overreacting but maybe its just because she makes me feel that the feelings and emotions I am feeling are not right or invalid.

(edited 4 days ago)

Reply 1

NOTJUSTTME

It sounds like your grandma might be upset with you because of your dad, but that doesn’t really justify her behavior. It could be that she’s dealing with her own stuff and taking it out on you. I know it’s tough, but try to brush it off and not let her get to you. Also, if you haven’t already, chat with your grandpa or someone you trust about what’s going on.

Reply 2

ann4b311a

Original post by NOTJUSTTME

Thank you so much I appreciate you're suggestions and assistance. But If I'm being honest I've always just told my mom and we've acknowledged her behavior and said it is what it is you know? We can't really change her or how she acts but what we can change is the way we respond, right? And I forgot to mention that my grandma that adopted me is the mother of my mom, not my dad. I actually don't know my dad's family, unfortunately they never cared to show up and get to know me or my siblings. Other than that, I am getting help and seeing my school's social worker just to try and work on my responses towards her and just to be able to cope or deal with her and the household.