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I want to know if this is a good essay for a year 10 student just starting

Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls

In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as "a pretty girl in her early twenties"which implies a sense of naivety and immaturity suggested by the noun"girl". Sheila's early preoccupations particularly over her engagement ring reveals a materialistic nature as she declares she feels really engaged which hints that are focused lies on the status it brings rather than genuine love.
Response to the inspector demonstrates how involving understanding of social responsibility. When presented with the consequences of Eva Smith death,she's notably affected. Her reaction is filled with remorse as she acknowledges "it was my own fault"which illustrates a growing awareness and willingness to take responsibility for our actions initially occupied in a position of privilege and her alignment with her family values yet as the inspector probes deeper she begins to peel back layers of ignorance.
Furthermore, Priestly expresses Sheila pivotal change through her interactions with her family. During times of family conflict, she begins to question her family particularly her mother asking "mother I think that was cruel and vile" as she's disgusted by her mother's dismissive attitude. The difference between in language from "mummy" to "mother" showcases her maturity and a boost in her confidence.
However, the most pivotal moment in Sheila's transformation was when she started confronting her father's capitalist views as she makes it known to him that "this girls aren't cheap labour,they are people". The adjective "cheap" illustrates how angry she is at her father for disregarding people so easily just because of their social class and also marks the point where her her socialist views coming to more light through the way she speaks
Priestly purposefully utilizes Sheila as his proxy and he does this through the way effectively enters and exit the stage. Sheila begins to mirror this inspector as she starts questioning Gerald and making him aware that he's a full he knows and this suggests Sheila has quickly caught up with how the inspector investigate and is purpose.
Ultimately after the exit of the inspector Sheila is still experienced expressing her socialist views as she begins to question her family you still haven't learned anything yet this highlight her disappointment in appearance as they still don't want to accept responsibility for their actions which was a problem for the older generation during the Edwardian era as they were so rigid in their ways and never wanted to change.
Priestly present Sheila as a beacon of hope for the working class and also a role model for women priestly tries to bring for societal change and hopes that people can emulate Sheila and her growth.
Reply 1
Original post by glori123
Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls
In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as "a pretty girl in her early twenties"which implies a sense of naivety and immaturity suggested by the noun"girl". Sheila's early preoccupations particularly over her engagement ring reveals a materialistic nature as she declares she feels really engaged which hints that are focused lies on the status it brings rather than genuine love.
Response to the inspector demonstrates how involving understanding of social responsibility. When presented with the consequences of Eva Smith death,she's notably affected. Her reaction is filled with remorse as she acknowledges "it was my own fault"which illustrates a growing awareness and willingness to take responsibility for our actions initially occupied in a position of privilege and her alignment with her family values yet as the inspector probes deeper she begins to peel back layers of ignorance.
Furthermore, Priestly expresses Sheila pivotal change through her interactions with her family. During times of family conflict, she begins to question her family particularly her mother asking "mother I think that was cruel and vile" as she's disgusted by her mother's dismissive attitude. The difference between in language from "mummy" to "mother" showcases her maturity and a boost in her confidence.
However, the most pivotal moment in Sheila's transformation was when she started confronting her father's capitalist views as she makes it known to him that "this girls aren't cheap labour,they are people". The adjective "cheap" illustrates how angry she is at her father for disregarding people so easily just because of their social class and also marks the point where her her socialist views coming to more light through the way she speaks
Priestly purposefully utilizes Sheila as his proxy and he does this through the way effectively enters and exit the stage. Sheila begins to mirror this inspector as she starts questioning Gerald and making him aware that he's a full he knows and this suggests Sheila has quickly caught up with how the inspector investigate and is purpose.
Ultimately after the exit of the inspector Sheila is still experienced expressing her socialist views as she begins to question her family you still haven't learned anything yet this highlight her disappointment in appearance as they still don't want to accept responsibility for their actions which was a problem for the older generation during the Edwardian era as they were so rigid in their ways and never wanted to change.
Priestly present Sheila as a beacon of hope for the working class and also a role model for women priestly tries to bring for societal change and hopes that people can emulate Sheila and her growth.

This is a fantastic essay for a yr 10 student. ur vocab is great and ur ideas are very thoughtful. js keep in mind that in the exam ur esay will have to be a bit longer, and try to add 2-3 paragraphs with different points to clearly structure ur argument. overall im very impressed with this - keep it up and by yr 11 ull get a grade 9 for sure!
Original post by glori123
Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls
In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as "a pretty girl in her early twenties"which implies a sense of naivety and immaturity suggested by the noun"girl". Sheila's early preoccupations particularly over her engagement ring reveals a materialistic nature as she declares she feels really engaged which hints that are focused lies on the status it brings rather than genuine love.
Response to the inspector demonstrates how involving understanding of social responsibility. When presented with the consequences of Eva Smith death,she's notably affected. Her reaction is filled with remorse as she acknowledges "it was my own fault"which illustrates a growing awareness and willingness to take responsibility for our actions initially occupied in a position of privilege and her alignment with her family values yet as the inspector probes deeper she begins to peel back layers of ignorance.
Furthermore, Priestly expresses Sheila pivotal change through her interactions with her family. During times of family conflict, she begins to question her family particularly her mother asking "mother I think that was cruel and vile" as she's disgusted by her mother's dismissive attitude. The difference between in language from "mummy" to "mother" showcases her maturity and a boost in her confidence.
However, the most pivotal moment in Sheila's transformation was when she started confronting her father's capitalist views as she makes it known to him that "this girls aren't cheap labour,they are people". The adjective "cheap" illustrates how angry she is at her father for disregarding people so easily just because of their social class and also marks the point where her her socialist views coming to more light through the way she speaks
Priestly purposefully utilizes Sheila as his proxy and he does this through the way effectively enters and exit the stage. Sheila begins to mirror this inspector as she starts questioning Gerald and making him aware that he's a full he knows and this suggests Sheila has quickly caught up with how the inspector investigate and is purpose.
Ultimately after the exit of the inspector Sheila is still experienced expressing her socialist views as she begins to question her family you still haven't learned anything yet this highlight her disappointment in appearance as they still don't want to accept responsibility for their actions which was a problem for the older generation during the Edwardian era as they were so rigid in their ways and never wanted to change.
Priestly present Sheila as a beacon of hope for the working class and also a role model for women priestly tries to bring for societal change and hopes that people can emulate Sheila and her growth.

Hi there,

The essay demonstrates potential for a Year 10 student but could benefit from improvements in clarity, structure, and grammar. It successfully captures key themes of Sheila’s transformation in An Inspector Calls and uses quotes well. However, more formal language and deeper analysis are needed to strenghten the argument. Organising paragraphs with clear topic sentences and refining sentence structure will also improve readability. Overall, it’s a strong start, and with revisions, it could become a more polished and insightful essay.

Let me know if you need any further guidance, my DMs are open.

Best,
Daniel
PhD in Biology
Reply 3
Thanks
Original post by glori123
Thanks

No worries. Good luck!
Reply 5
Original post by glori123
Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls
In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as "a pretty girl in her early twenties"which implies a sense of naivety and immaturity suggested by the noun"girl". Sheila's early preoccupations particularly over her engagement ring reveals a materialistic nature as she declares she feels really engaged which hints that are focused lies on the status it brings rather than genuine love.
Response to the inspector demonstrates how involving understanding of social responsibility. When presented with the consequences of Eva Smith death,she's notably affected. Her reaction is filled with remorse as she acknowledges "it was my own fault"which illustrates a growing awareness and willingness to take responsibility for our actions initially occupied in a position of privilege and her alignment with her family values yet as the inspector probes deeper she begins to peel back layers of ignorance.
Furthermore, Priestly expresses Sheila pivotal change through her interactions with her family. During times of family conflict, she begins to question her family particularly her mother asking "mother I think that was cruel and vile" as she's disgusted by her mother's dismissive attitude. The difference between in language from "mummy" to "mother" showcases her maturity and a boost in her confidence.
However, the most pivotal moment in Sheila's transformation was when she started confronting her father's capitalist views as she makes it known to him that "this girls aren't cheap labour,they are people". The adjective "cheap" illustrates how angry she is at her father for disregarding people so easily just because of their social class and also marks the point where her her socialist views coming to more light through the way she speaks
Priestly purposefully utilizes Sheila as his proxy and he does this through the way effectively enters and exit the stage. Sheila begins to mirror this inspector as she starts questioning Gerald and making him aware that he's a full he knows and this suggests Sheila has quickly caught up with how the inspector investigate and is purpose.
Ultimately after the exit of the inspector Sheila is still experienced expressing her socialist views as she begins to question her family you still haven't learned anything yet this highlight her disappointment in appearance as they still don't want to accept responsibility for their actions which was a problem for the older generation during the Edwardian era as they were so rigid in their ways and never wanted to change.
Priestly present Sheila as a beacon of hope for the working class and also a role model for women priestly tries to bring for societal change and hopes that people can emulate Sheila and her growth.

I Put your essay on Tilf website and below is the feedback and the mark Tilf gave for this essay. Obviously it doesn't know you're only Year 10, it is marking you as if you were passing the exam with real marking exam conditions:


Paragraphs Feedback
The introduction effectively sets the stage for Sheila's transformation, highlighting her initial naivety and materialism. However, the analysis could be more detailed, particularly in explaining how these traits are indicative of her societal context.
The second paragraph begins to explore Sheila's growing awareness of social responsibility, but the analysis is somewhat superficial. More depth is needed in discussing the significance of her remorse and the impact of the Inspector's revelations.
The third paragraph discusses Sheila's changing dynamics with her family, which is a strong point. The analysis of her language shift from 'mummy' to 'mother' is insightful, but the paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection to the broader themes of the play.
The fourth paragraph effectively highlights Sheila's confrontation of her father's capitalist views. The use of textual evidence is good, but the analysis could be more nuanced, particularly in exploring the implications of her socialist views.
The final paragraph attempts to tie Sheila's transformation to Priestly's broader social commentary. While the intention is clear, the execution is somewhat lacking. The paragraph could be strengthened by more explicitly linking Sheila's growth to the play's critique of Edwardian society.
What Went Well
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of Sheila's character development and uses relevant textual evidence to support its points. The analysis of her changing relationships with her family and her growing social awareness is particularly strong.
Even Better If
The essay would benefit from more detailed and nuanced analysis, particularly in explaining the significance of Sheila's transformation in the context of the play's themes. Additionally, clearer connections between the paragraphs and the overarching argument would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall Feedback
The essay provides a thoughtful exploration of Sheila's transformation in 'An Inspector Calls.' It demonstrates a clear understanding of her character development and uses relevant textual evidence effectively. However, the analysis could be more detailed and nuanced, and the connections between the paragraphs could be clearer. With more depth and coherence, the essay could reach a higher level.
Mark
Score: 30
Level: 6

Super impressive!
Original post by glori123
Thanks

No worries!
Original post by glori123
Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls
In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as
Original post by glori123
Topic: How and why does Sheila change in an Inspector Calls
In an Inspector Calls, Sheila undergoes a significant transformation reflecting the tension between personal accountability and societal expectations. Initially described by the stage directions as "a pretty girl in her early twenties"which implies a sense of naivety and immaturity suggested by the noun"girl". Sheila's early preoccupations particularly over her engagement ring reveals a materialistic nature as she declares she feels really engaged which hints that are focused lies on the status it brings rather than genuine love.
Response to the inspector demonstrates how involving understanding of social responsibility. When presented with the consequences of Eva Smith death,she's notably affected. Her reaction is filled with remorse as she acknowledges "it was my own fault"which illustrates a growing awareness and willingness to take responsibility for our actions initially occupied in a position of privilege and her alignment with her family values yet as the inspector probes deeper she begins to peel back layers of ignorance.
Furthermore, Priestly expresses Sheila pivotal change through her interactions with her family. During times of family conflict, she begins to question her family particularly her mother asking "mother I think that was cruel and vile" as she's disgusted by her mother's dismissive attitude. The difference between in language from "mummy" to "mother" showcases her maturity and a boost in her confidence.
However, the most pivotal moment in Sheila's transformation was when she started confronting her father's capitalist views as she makes it known to him that "this girls aren't cheap labour,they are people". The adjective "cheap" illustrates how angry she is at her father for disregarding people so easily just because of their social class and also marks the point where her her socialist views coming to more light through the way she speaks
Priestly purposefully utilizes Sheila as his proxy and he does this through the way effectively enters and exit the stage. Sheila begins to mirror this inspector as she starts questioning Gerald and making him aware that he's a full he knows and this suggests Sheila has quickly caught up with how the inspector investigate and is purpose.
Ultimately after the exit of the inspector Sheila is still experienced expressing her socialist views as she begins to question her family you still haven't learned anything yet this highlight her disappointment in appearance as they still don't want to accept responsibility for their actions which was a problem for the older generation during the Edwardian era as they were so rigid in their ways and never wanted to change.
Priestly present Sheila as a beacon of hope for the working class and also a role model for women priestly tries to bring for societal change and hopes that people can emulate Sheila and her growth.

Areas for Improvement:

1.

Quotes and Context: Including more direct quotes from the play would strengthen your arguments and provide textual evidence for your claims.

2.

Historical Context: A brief mention of the Edwardian era's social dynamics could enhance your analysis of the family's attitudes.

3.

Clarity and Cohesion: Some sentences could be more concise for clarity, helping to create a smoother flow in your writing.

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