Life

Hi,
I am a Muslim girl I just turned 17 and I'm in year 12 currently and yh well sometimes I feel like I'm crashing mentally but idk if it's my imagination cuz most of my friends are also dealing with stuff mentally or is it smth else. So I tell my friends that I want to like someone in uni because I'd rather focus on my studies but recently I realized that might not be the case because I don't like myself. I dont like the way I look in mirror or when I put on tight clothes because of my big stomach and fat thighs. I feel insecure when I see pretty clothes but I can't fit into them becauss of my weight and so I just wear baggy clothes because I want to hide them. (I tried so many different things to help loose weight over the years but now of them works and now I am in sixth form and I don't have time to do anything) But im like the "lively" and "fun" friend in my friendship group which help others and so I'd rather keep my issues to myself and this has continued for quite sometime so now I think I have gotten used to keeping things bolted up even when I tell my friends to tell me their issues. Is it weird that when they cry I do feel sad but then I don't really cry back or feel their pain or like when they say they miss me I don't really miss them or when they say I love u I feel weird and don't want to say it back because I don't feel that way. .i just sort of say it back to not make them feel bad.

Secondly I got exposed to corn stuff when I was 14 I think and I got caught by mom once but she probably forgot about it cuz she believed I stopped which I didn't and now I'm trying so hard to stop because I know how bad it is from a Muslim perspective and from a mental perspective. But it's so hard to stop and my friend also deals with the same thing but she doesn't really help and I'd rather not talk about with her cuz I feel more desperate than her and yes she's also trying to stop but she's like fantasizing it and idk if that works.... Sometimes I just wanna be alone and I don't want to speak to anyone and just be in my own world. Idk why but I like being alone because there's no one in my space but I can't really ditch my friends can I :smile:

Lastly school has been taking a toll on me. I live like an hour plus away from my sixth form and so I don't have time to study after school and so can only do so on the weekends but I don't want to make the same mistakes I did for my GCSEsi really want to get As so I can go to a good uni but time is against me and now I don't even know what to do. Also I want to get closer to Allah but at the same time I do not have time and balance and structure in my life and so I'm crashing slowly and yet I just brush it off and me being paranoid. Am I being paranoid?

I'm scared and lost please help me.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Omg let me give you a hug!

Okay, so first, weight issue.

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Have you sought professional help? Maybe that would be a good idea.

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Is your weight healthy? Is it only aesthetically that it is bothering you or also physically? if physically as well, professional help might help, or moving more (just walking more or hit the gym if you are into that)

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I have fat thighs and a big stomach and I wear baggy clothes as well or modest clothes. I still think I am attractive because I am not overweight + these characteristics come with large hips, and I personally think that is attractive + you also usually have a large bum... that's also attractive. But you (and I) will always feel **** if you compare your physique to skinny models. Try finding people with your body type that look amazing. Also idk about you but when doing belly dancing, big thighs are just perfect (I am north African lol)

Then not liking yourself the way you look.

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This one is a bit more complicated. Do you wear make up? Have you tried wearing make up in a way that makes you look better. Have you tried changing hair cuts? Take care of your skin by just hydrating it everyday and doing little masks and putting on sunscreen. A little self-care can go a long way when it comes to self esteem.

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Try looking at your younger self and finding features you like about her. Try finding them again in you know. Think about your inner child that you are hurting by criticising her appearance. Somewhere deep down you are still very much her.

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Also if you spend a lot of time on tiktok it's normal to feel that way about yourself. So many perfect looking individuals are pushed forward by the algorithm it is normal to feel like sh*t. I did not have tiktok until a week ago and I deleted now because one week of tiktok made me feel like an ugly person when I know I can be confident with my looks otherwise. (since nothing I wear looks right and I constantly need reassurance... weird)

Then corn.

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read this book: Your brain on porn.

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watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJdL8q9rcY0

Then isolating yourself.

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You said you are the friendly and lively one? (I do not share your personality at all so I don't really get it)

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feeling like you need to isolate is a side effect of porn

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maybe journaling when you stay alone can help

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if you are an introvert you just need time alone to recharge

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your friends seem a bit fake with all due respect, maybe that's why you don't want to stay around them

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start watching Tam Kaur content

Then school is far away.

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why do you not do homework on the commute?

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can you not watch videos that would go towards revision or listen to revision podcasts on the commute so that you work on understanding/priming lessons even if you are not doing HW.

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And realistically let's say your school finishes at 4 (even tho most don't) your commute is one hour. Your home at 5. You are tired and relax for two hours. at 7 you should be able to do hw??

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Do you not have frees at school that are designed for you to do work in?

Then you want to get closer to Allah.

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not gonna preach too much for this one;

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useful steps: do 2 rakaat extra after prayers you already do.

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If you don't pray, try making at least duas to God to help you (like Christians do)

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I recommend:

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"Allahuma ya mouqalibou lqouloub tabit qalbi 'ala dinak" - oh lord, oh turners of heart, make my heart steadfast on your religion

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"Allahuma a'ini 'ala dikrika was choukrika was housni 'ibadatika" - oh lord, encourage me to remember you, be grateful to you and worship you in the best of ways