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Confusing partner

Hi guys, for context I live in Brighton and my partner lives in Birmingham. ( this is going to be a long one I’m afraid but I’d really appreciate you reading and giving some advice )
I know everyone’s answer will be to leave and I’m not strong enough to to that yet because I’m so deeply invested in him so I’m just asking some advice on how I can try to understand why my boyfriend does what he does and acts in the way he does ( I think this will help me clarify what I need to to in terms of staying or leaving )
We met in university and lived together for two years in a shared house ( this is how we met ) and we dated for 1.5 years of that time.

The plan after university was to move in together after spending some time saving at home. I found out that he’d known for 5 months he was going to bail on me despite letting me get excited and saying to me “we should have this for where we live ! “ I can’t help but feel completely gaslit ? I’d like to also mention my friends asked me to live with them and my bf said for me not to because we were going to be living together - so now I’m left isolated in my home town away from everybody ( and he knew he was going to bail ) He was as excited as I was about moving in even telling his friends “ I’m going to go wherever aimee goes !” “ I’m moving in with aimee after uni !” and getting me to book house viewings. Then we agreed that the move we’d planned was perhaps too far from friends etc so we planned instead to stay in the town we did university at. I said to him very clearly don’t say it if you don’t mean it. And he said to me he knows we’re great living together he just gets nervous at next steps and that hes “ sorry I’ve been sitting around I’ll look for a job in Northampton “ I said to him he had to promise me that he’d go through with it this time because I couldn’t get hurt the way I did the last time he bailed and told me last minute. We left it as we would both look for jobs and then move, after 4 weeks he came to my hometown and dropped the bombshell that behind my back he’d found a job in his hometown in Birmingham so I said that’s great obviously and supported that but I asked the question of “ so will we save for a while and then move ?” To which he told me that he wouldn’t be moving with me and started giving me some fortune cookie level rubbish about “ let’s take this space to grow and become whole “ Overall this man is confusing and he constantly is half in half out with commitments like this. He listens to the advice of “ I loved in w my girlfriend and we broke up “ but my advice is that we’ve already done it for two years and if we don’t try we won’t know. It’s better to try and fail than never bother. Anyway , it was the same week as my rabbit died and his response to that wasn’t particularly great either I was crying and he basically told me to just get over it which is a way he’s never acted before. His constant confusion is pushing me away and he blames me. Everytime I’m upset he says I’m playing the victim but I think I’m perfect within reason to feel upset for being let down multiple times. Everything is somehow always twisted back onto me “ self sabotaging “
We met in London a few days back and everything was alright a bit more awkward than usual but I put that down to recent events. He mentioned that soon he would like to get himself a mortgage and then made a joke “ that’s where you come in to pay rent “ and I said that I wouldn’t be paying off his mortgage because it would be unfair if anything happened between us because I wouldn’t have my money back , so I said I would write a contract. I’d have never dreamt of that before he started having this attitude and confusion with me but I think I’m within my right to have said that because of how he’s been acting.
Anyway I then thought as he was sharing his goals I would share mine and I simply said “ a goal of mine would be to live together again next year at some point as well have done long distance for a year by then “ he flipped out and said I pressure him and I irritate him when I talk about the future. ( but he always says he pictures me in his future and doesn’t want to lose me )
He also is the one who hates long distance but wants it. I told him that couples don’t CHOOSE long distance they do it because they need to and I’m confused at his choice because it’s him who always begs me to stay longer when I stay at his etc.
He told me that things would flow easily if I didn’t make these suggestions of goals but from my perspective I think it’s healthy to have open communication ?
I’m so confused by his up and down and in and out of plans can anyone try and translate what his behaviour means because I’m utterly clueless. I try and talk to him about it and he flat out refuses to explain or shuts down !
He also says “ I’m not eager for long distance trust me “ but makes no plans to prevent us having to do that.
I’m just very overwhelmed and constantly anxious about his intentions or if he’ll ever commit or what he means. I get leaving uni is stressful and I’ve sympathised with that but I just don’t understand anymore.
I always thought he was my person even just being around him made me happy and we were in a very genuine and loving relationship and he’s now switched and I’ve felt anxious for weeks about what to do !