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resit diaries #9

Hi guys!

I hope this message finds you well :smile:

It has been a while! But I’m back and it’s getting closer and closer to the application deadline. I personally cannot wait to be honest. While it’s been stressful, I am looking forward to a much nicer experience with my application the 2nd time round. I have a lot of faith in this application. It is much more strategic, and while I don’t live with regrets, the decisions I made last year really frustrate me. But I have to contextualise things. It was the best I could do at the time, it was the most I knew at the time, too. ‘Everything happens for a reason’ as they say (though I REALLY hated hearing it on results day). If anyone is new here, hey! I’m staying anonymous for the time being, but I applied to medical school last year during Year 13, and due to my UCAT score of <2500, I got 4 pre-interview rejections. I took my A-Levels this year too, and unfortunately missed the requirements by 2 grades, as I achieved a B in biology and chemistry. This past month or so has been the hardest of my entire life. I feel very lost, ashamed and angry with myself and life. But I’m making positive steps to help myself accept the failures and grow and learn.

So far I’ve sat my UCAT which is an entrance exam needed for medical school, and while I didn’t do the best, I did much better than last time. I have shortlisted my 4 medical schools (I now 100% see why people choose not to resit A-Levels, it is so so SO hard to pick universities based on resit policies and my UCAT score honestly but I finally did it)
Have chosen on neuroscience at QMUL as my backup choice. I loved learning about the brain and animal responses in Biology, there is also an opportunity for the top 19 highest performing students to receive an interview for Bart’s and the London School of Medicine and Dentistry which I think is amazing! This would be my worst case scenario, after looking through clearing if I don’t receive any offers this year again. I guess the bit that really hurts is that my offers aren’t unconditional, like they would’ve been if I had just gotten the grades this year. It does hurt quite a bit, but I’m onto bigger things, and I am still grateful for the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and try something again. Not everyone has the chance to even apply to medical school, but of course this doesn’t take away from what I’ve struggled with these past few weeks :smile:

After reflection with myself, 2 experts at admissions, a friend and family I have shortlisted:
KMMS (if I were to get an unconditional offer, it would be from Kent and Medway since I already have achieved AAB)
HYMS
Aston
ARU
(Neuroscience at QMUL)

Current update:
I fear I may have to return to my sixth form to resit :frown:

I am very privileged that my school allowed me back, at a very affordable price too, but I am still really struggling to beat the humiliation if I’m completely honest, even though it’s in around 9months time. But I have to keep reminding myself it’s a means to an end, and I won’t regret it. I’m just going in, doing my exam and coming out. It’ll be fine. I am overthinking it.
My personal statement is done! I am proud of it, I don’t think that is what weighed me down last year, but my UCAT score.
Just in contact with my teacher to sort out references etc.
Once that’s sorted I’m going to start lightly revising for biology and chemistry again, and begin interview preparation. I already know what I’m going to do differently for Biology which has calmed me down a lot, and for Chemistry I’m happy with basically 90% of the content, I just need to PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!!
Tomorrow (well today technically since it’s 1am lol) I’m going to build the courage to review my exam scripts and note down what exactly went wrong. I love learning from my mistakes, even though it’s annoying especially if you know you wouldn’t make that mistake again, but it has to be done. I’ll re-download my flora focus app. I might use a new account from my previous A-Level one, to mark fresh beginnings!
I’m going to TRY and document each day/every other day with the revision I do, but I might forget so bear with me haha

On other notes, I am looking into doing a phlebotomy course! It’ll allow me to get a Band 2 role at the hospital which I think would be so fun and valuable. The courses are like £200 though lol, so maybe I’ll try for around Nov/Dec time, so that I can start my job in early January hopefully. I currently tutor, but only on weekends, and I’m looking to get a weekday job, preferably work from home like sales/marketing research. The job search continues tomorrow (today technically).

Overall I feel very conflicting emotions. I feel like a huge part of me is ready to make the most out of such a prosperous year ahead of me, without focusing on the end goal, but the journey along the way, whereas there’s quite a strong bit of me that feels guilty for feeling better after my A-Level results, still filled with shame and hurt. But time is the best healer. I’ll laugh this off in 5 years time. Best to just enjoy the moment right now and not think too far ahead. I’ll make it in the end.
Hope everyone is okay, and see you later for my first proper ‘revision’ day since A-Levels! <3