Could someone pls mark my english lang Q5 AQA

The question is write a short story about a traumatic event
THE DAY THE SKY TURNED RED
We walked along the quiet street – or what was once a street. Now it was littered with rubble and debris, carelessly scattered over the dusty ground. The crumbling buildings that once provided shelter, warmth and protection were now threatening to collapse at any moment, and join the rest of the wreckage. The wind whistled as it navigated through the dilapidated rooftops and shattered windows, and there was the usual nasty burning stench in the thick air. I looked up at the smoky, grey sky and saw stains of red dotted in the clouds, which sagged and floated aimlessly like our inanimate bodies.
Suddenly, I heard the booming of distant echoes of gunfire coming from another neighbourhood. I flinched, and so did my friend, Tabitha, although we should have been used to it by now. Tabitha was my neighbour and my mum had encouraged me to invite her to come live with us, since she had no family left and our house was in a better state than hers. As we approached it, I scanned the cracked walls which were miraculously holding up the building. The front door was hanging off its hinges, creaking in the wind. We entered the house, but there was no warm familiar feeling to welcome us, in fact there hadn’t been for a while. The staircase had collapsed halfway up, the steps leading to nowhere, and a layer of soot and dust covered almost every surface in the house. These were the remains of our beloved home after last month’s attack.
It was horrific, and every element in my body was fighting the urge to replay the event in my head, but as hard as I tried to forget the memory, my brain forbade it. It was the day I had gone out to get food for the week, I had to travel far since the nearest operating supermarket was about a mile away. By the time I returned which was over an hour later, the entire neighbourhood was wrecked. An electric vibration shot through me as I remembered how I had run past the cries of those still beneath the rubble until I eventually found her struggling beneath fragments of rock and wooden furniture. I don’t understand why that memory still haunts me, since my mum survived her injuries, but perhaps it’s because if she hadn’t I would never have forgiven myself.
“Tabitha, wait here, I’m just going to check on my mum in the other room.”
I walked over to the only other surviving room in the house and found my mum lying on the dust-coated couch. Her head was still bruised badly and her frail body was covered in scars.
“Feeling any better?” I asked concernedly.
“Yes thanks. Did you bring Tabitha back with you?”
“Yeah, she’s in the other room; want me to call h—”
“Who are you talking to?” Tabitha asked from behind me.
I turned around and found her standing in the doorway looking from me to the couch. Her forehead creased and suddenly she had a concerned look in her eyes.
“W-what do you m-mean?” I asked hesitantly as I looked back to my mum who had the same gentle smile as always.
“There’s …no-one there.” Tabitha replied slowly.
I turned back to the couch that my mum was laying on. It was empty.

Is it GCSE? Paper 2?
I put it on Tilf website but I used AQA GCSE Language Paper 2 Question 5 so I'm not sure it was the correct mark scheme but if not, you can just go to Tilf and try directly.
Below is the feedabck Tilf gave:
Paragraphs Feedback
The opening paragraph sets a vivid scene with strong descriptive language, effectively establishing the setting and mood. The use of sensory details like 'nasty burning stench' and 'smoky, grey sky' helps to immerse the reader in the environment.
The second paragraph introduces the characters and provides background information in a clear and engaging manner. The contrast between the current state of the house and its former condition is well-executed, adding emotional depth to the narrative.
The third paragraph effectively builds tension and suspense with the protagonist's flashback. The description of the traumatic event is poignant and evokes empathy. However, the transition between the past and present could be smoother to enhance coherence.
The final paragraph delivers a strong twist, adding an element of surprise and horror. The dialogue and actions of the characters are well-handled, contributing to the overall impact of the story.
What Went Well
The essay demonstrates compelling and convincing communication, with a tone and style that are well-matched to the purpose and audience. The vocabulary is extensive and ambitious, and the use of linguistic devices is sustained and effective. The structural features are varied and inventive, and the writing is highly engaging with a range of developed complex ideas.
Even Better If
To improve further, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between different time frames to enhance coherence. Additionally, exploring the protagonist's emotions in more depth throughout the narrative would add further emotional impact. For example, describing the protagonist's feelings of guilt and fear in more detail during the flashback would strengthen the reader's connection to the character.
Overall Feedback
This is a highly engaging and well-crafted short story that effectively uses descriptive language and structural features to create a compelling narrative. The emotional depth and suspense are well-handled, and the twist at the end is impactful. With minor improvements in transitions and emotional exploration, this essay could reach the highest level.
Mark
Score: 36
Well done! It seems like a great essay!