Advice needed (i hate my flatmates) (content warning?)
I am a second year student who transferred into a different University for my second year. I'm at university because I love studying and writing essays. I love every part of the academic side of University.
In my accommodation room, I can hear music, people talking loudly at absurd times (12am-6am) and it's been impossible to sleep, which has completely ruined my sleep schedule, I've heard moaning through walls and someone has put up a tally chart (with things like 'chunders' and 'sex heard') in the kitchen which is rather disgusting to see when cooking or eating in the kitchen. I have spoken to some of my flatmates and they are lovely people, but are however very insufferable to live with if you prefer a more peaceful life and want to focus mainly on studies, and I can't help but HEAVILY resent them for it. I drink alcohol myself but only wine and champagne and not to the point of being drunk and I do not support hookup culture in any way. I'm not very tolerant of people who enjoy things like that or even the topic of it. (I honestly have no idea if I'll be able to survive university since I'm so sensitive to the topic of sex, alcohol and drugs) I had a very bad experience in my last university including my flatmates but it was nowhere near as bad as what I'm feeling now. I've been alone for the past 2 weeks as I have not found a single person who doesn't enjoy getting shitfaced almost everyday. I'm able to go a long time without human interaction but I can already feel my mental health deteriorating since I was alone for most of year 1. I have found no one that shares my interests or hobbies (etc. classical music, golfing, swimming, shopping, camping) so I have no one to spend time with apart from family or a couple friends back home.
Call me a prude or boring but this makes me immensely uncomfortable to the point where I will have mental breakdowns which results in me damaging things or hurting myself. (I'm diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalised anxiety. I'm 99.9% sure this was misdiagnosed and I have BPD and possibly schizoid personality disorder (I've been researching for a couple years now)). By nature I find parting immature and a pathetic way to spend (or waste) your time. I'm a very sensitive and reclusive person who's uncomfortable and angered by the topic of alcohol, drugs and sex (not sure why, if I could have it any other way, I would). I'm also very sensitive to noise and even hearing people talk or laugh through walls drives me insane. Despite being 19, I feel mentally 12. I can't help but feel utterly awful and pity myself as I have to deal with feeling like this after I felt hope for being able to transfer out of my last university to a hopefully better one.
I have no idea how to go about this. I understand this is very socially acceptable to act like this in university but I cannot deal with this any longer and I've only been here 2 weeks. My parents live about 40 minutes away. I do not want to waste the money I'm spending on this current accommodation to move back with my parents (also commuting by train most days doesn't sound appetising). I'm unsure if I'll be penalised for breach of contract if I want to withdraw from my accommodation and I've no idea if moving rooms or buildings is possible, which is also a huge gamble as my new flatmates could be even worse.
Sorry for the long post, I seem to be the queen of yapping lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this (or respond if you have). Have a good day
In my accommodation room, I can hear music, people talking loudly at absurd times (12am-6am) and it's been impossible to sleep, which has completely ruined my sleep schedule, I've heard moaning through walls and someone has put up a tally chart (with things like 'chunders' and 'sex heard') in the kitchen which is rather disgusting to see when cooking or eating in the kitchen. I have spoken to some of my flatmates and they are lovely people, but are however very insufferable to live with if you prefer a more peaceful life and want to focus mainly on studies, and I can't help but HEAVILY resent them for it. I drink alcohol myself but only wine and champagne and not to the point of being drunk and I do not support hookup culture in any way. I'm not very tolerant of people who enjoy things like that or even the topic of it. (I honestly have no idea if I'll be able to survive university since I'm so sensitive to the topic of sex, alcohol and drugs) I had a very bad experience in my last university including my flatmates but it was nowhere near as bad as what I'm feeling now. I've been alone for the past 2 weeks as I have not found a single person who doesn't enjoy getting shitfaced almost everyday. I'm able to go a long time without human interaction but I can already feel my mental health deteriorating since I was alone for most of year 1. I have found no one that shares my interests or hobbies (etc. classical music, golfing, swimming, shopping, camping) so I have no one to spend time with apart from family or a couple friends back home.
Call me a prude or boring but this makes me immensely uncomfortable to the point where I will have mental breakdowns which results in me damaging things or hurting myself. (I'm diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalised anxiety. I'm 99.9% sure this was misdiagnosed and I have BPD and possibly schizoid personality disorder (I've been researching for a couple years now)). By nature I find parting immature and a pathetic way to spend (or waste) your time. I'm a very sensitive and reclusive person who's uncomfortable and angered by the topic of alcohol, drugs and sex (not sure why, if I could have it any other way, I would). I'm also very sensitive to noise and even hearing people talk or laugh through walls drives me insane. Despite being 19, I feel mentally 12. I can't help but feel utterly awful and pity myself as I have to deal with feeling like this after I felt hope for being able to transfer out of my last university to a hopefully better one.
I have no idea how to go about this. I understand this is very socially acceptable to act like this in university but I cannot deal with this any longer and I've only been here 2 weeks. My parents live about 40 minutes away. I do not want to waste the money I'm spending on this current accommodation to move back with my parents (also commuting by train most days doesn't sound appetising). I'm unsure if I'll be penalised for breach of contract if I want to withdraw from my accommodation and I've no idea if moving rooms or buildings is possible, which is also a huge gamble as my new flatmates could be even worse.
Sorry for the long post, I seem to be the queen of yapping lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this (or respond if you have). Have a good day
(edited 5 days ago)
Hi there @sophzzp ,
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. Please know that you're not alone in feeling like this - I had a friend in year 1 whose flatmates played loud music until the early morning which drove her mad too, and I knew a lot of people to have a similar experience. My flatmates were great but also quite loud and so I can also empathise here.
I would contact your uni's accommodation service and see, if you really can't bear the atmosphere, if swapping accommodation is possible. You say new flatmates may be just as bad, but they equally might be a lot better.
I'd also suggest if you haven't already contacting your uni's student services to see if they can give you some help with your anxiety. They may be able to arrange some counselling if you wish for it.
Are there any places you could go besides your accommodation to spend your study and social time? Have you considered joining a society based on one of your own interests? Not only will this give you a break from studying so you can reset yourself, it will also be a good way to meet people like you.
You sound like you are a highly capable student who has sound reasons for going to uni and getting the most out of your degree. You've clearly gone through a lot to get here and so please give yourself credit where its due 🙂 I think a good piece of advice would be just to be open. Talk to your tutor, talk to your friends about your situation (a problem shared is a problem halved???) - you may well be surprised at how many people may have similar experiences to you.
I hope that helps and very best of luck going forward. Hope things will settle down at your flat over the next couple of weeks!
Holly
University of Bath
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. Please know that you're not alone in feeling like this - I had a friend in year 1 whose flatmates played loud music until the early morning which drove her mad too, and I knew a lot of people to have a similar experience. My flatmates were great but also quite loud and so I can also empathise here.
I would contact your uni's accommodation service and see, if you really can't bear the atmosphere, if swapping accommodation is possible. You say new flatmates may be just as bad, but they equally might be a lot better.
I'd also suggest if you haven't already contacting your uni's student services to see if they can give you some help with your anxiety. They may be able to arrange some counselling if you wish for it.
Are there any places you could go besides your accommodation to spend your study and social time? Have you considered joining a society based on one of your own interests? Not only will this give you a break from studying so you can reset yourself, it will also be a good way to meet people like you.
You sound like you are a highly capable student who has sound reasons for going to uni and getting the most out of your degree. You've clearly gone through a lot to get here and so please give yourself credit where its due 🙂 I think a good piece of advice would be just to be open. Talk to your tutor, talk to your friends about your situation (a problem shared is a problem halved???) - you may well be surprised at how many people may have similar experiences to you.
I hope that helps and very best of luck going forward. Hope things will settle down at your flat over the next couple of weeks!
Holly
University of Bath
(edited 3 days ago)
Its ok to ask to swap out of your room to another accommodation - there will be a few places left. However, there is no gurantee that you will not end up in the same position.
Original post by sophzzp
I am a second year student who transferred into a different University for my second year. I'm at university because I love studying and writing essays. I love every part of the academic side of University.
In my accommodation room, I can hear music, people talking loudly at absurd times (12am-6am) and it's been impossible to sleep, which has completely ruined my sleep schedule, I've heard moaning through walls and someone has put up a tally chart (with things like 'chunders' and 'sex heard') in the kitchen which is rather disgusting to see when cooking or eating in the kitchen. I have spoken to some of my flatmates and they are lovely people, but are however very insufferable to live with if you prefer a more peaceful life and want to focus mainly on studies, and I can't help but HEAVILY resent them for it. I drink alcohol myself but only wine and champagne and not to the point of being drunk and I do not support hookup culture in any way. I'm not very tolerant of people who enjoy things like that or even the topic of it. (I honestly have no idea if I'll be able to survive university since I'm so sensitive to the topic of sex, alcohol and drugs) I had a very bad experience in my last university including my flatmates but it was nowhere near as bad as what I'm feeling now. I've been alone for the past 2 weeks as I have not found a single person who doesn't enjoy getting shitfaced almost everyday. I'm able to go a long time without human interaction but I can already feel my mental health deteriorating since I was alone for most of year 1. I have found no one that shares my interests or hobbies (etc. classical music, golfing, swimming, shopping, camping) so I have no one to spend time with apart from family or a couple friends back home.
Call me a prude or boring but this makes me immensely uncomfortable to the point where I will have mental breakdowns which results in me damaging things or hurting myself. (I'm diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalised anxiety. I'm 99.9% sure this was misdiagnosed and I have BPD and possibly schizoid personality disorder (I've been researching for a couple years now)). By nature I find parting immature and a pathetic way to spend (or waste) your time. I'm a very sensitive and reclusive person who's uncomfortable and angered by the topic of alcohol, drugs and sex (not sure why, if I could have it any other way, I would). I'm also very sensitive to noise and even hearing people talk or laugh through walls drives me insane. Despite being 19, I feel mentally 12. I can't help but feel utterly awful and pity myself as I have to deal with feeling like this after I felt hope for being able to transfer out of my last university to a hopefully better one.
I have no idea how to go about this. I understand this is very socially acceptable to act like this in university but I cannot deal with this any longer and I've only been here 2 weeks. My parents live about 40 minutes away. I do not want to waste the money I'm spending on this current accommodation to move back with my parents (also commuting by train most days doesn't sound appetising). I'm unsure if I'll be penalised for breach of contract if I want to withdraw from my accommodation and I've no idea if moving rooms or buildings is possible, which is also a huge gamble as my new flatmates could be even worse.
Sorry for the long post, I seem to be the queen of yapping lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this (or respond if you have). Have a good day
In my accommodation room, I can hear music, people talking loudly at absurd times (12am-6am) and it's been impossible to sleep, which has completely ruined my sleep schedule, I've heard moaning through walls and someone has put up a tally chart (with things like 'chunders' and 'sex heard') in the kitchen which is rather disgusting to see when cooking or eating in the kitchen. I have spoken to some of my flatmates and they are lovely people, but are however very insufferable to live with if you prefer a more peaceful life and want to focus mainly on studies, and I can't help but HEAVILY resent them for it. I drink alcohol myself but only wine and champagne and not to the point of being drunk and I do not support hookup culture in any way. I'm not very tolerant of people who enjoy things like that or even the topic of it. (I honestly have no idea if I'll be able to survive university since I'm so sensitive to the topic of sex, alcohol and drugs) I had a very bad experience in my last university including my flatmates but it was nowhere near as bad as what I'm feeling now. I've been alone for the past 2 weeks as I have not found a single person who doesn't enjoy getting shitfaced almost everyday. I'm able to go a long time without human interaction but I can already feel my mental health deteriorating since I was alone for most of year 1. I have found no one that shares my interests or hobbies (etc. classical music, golfing, swimming, shopping, camping) so I have no one to spend time with apart from family or a couple friends back home.
Call me a prude or boring but this makes me immensely uncomfortable to the point where I will have mental breakdowns which results in me damaging things or hurting myself. (I'm diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalised anxiety. I'm 99.9% sure this was misdiagnosed and I have BPD and possibly schizoid personality disorder (I've been researching for a couple years now)). By nature I find parting immature and a pathetic way to spend (or waste) your time. I'm a very sensitive and reclusive person who's uncomfortable and angered by the topic of alcohol, drugs and sex (not sure why, if I could have it any other way, I would). I'm also very sensitive to noise and even hearing people talk or laugh through walls drives me insane. Despite being 19, I feel mentally 12. I can't help but feel utterly awful and pity myself as I have to deal with feeling like this after I felt hope for being able to transfer out of my last university to a hopefully better one.
I have no idea how to go about this. I understand this is very socially acceptable to act like this in university but I cannot deal with this any longer and I've only been here 2 weeks. My parents live about 40 minutes away. I do not want to waste the money I'm spending on this current accommodation to move back with my parents (also commuting by train most days doesn't sound appetising). I'm unsure if I'll be penalised for breach of contract if I want to withdraw from my accommodation and I've no idea if moving rooms or buildings is possible, which is also a huge gamble as my new flatmates could be even worse.
Sorry for the long post, I seem to be the queen of yapping lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this (or respond if you have). Have a good day
Hi @sophzzp ,
I am sorry to hear about this, I can understand why this must be really frustrating for you.
Firstly, I would also recommend to contact your university accommodation services as soon as you can and ask them if there is any way you can transfer to another flat. The sooner you do this, the more chance you have of this being able to happen so I would do this as soon as possible. I know lots of flats are noisy so you might run into the same problem again, but it is worth a try as I also know lots of people who would not do this or didn't experience this so you might as well try. Explain your situation to them and see if they can put you into a quieter flat as some accommodations have this option available.
I also agree that I think you should contact your student wellbeing services as it sounds like this is really having an effect on you. Your mental health is really important and you should make sure you are looking after yourself and taking to someone at the wellbeing team might really help you with this. They will be used to talking to so many different students with a wide range of problems, so they will know how to help you with this. It can really help just talking to someone about how you are feeling and they can then support you with this.
I would also say to make sure you talk to your family and friends about how you are feeling as the will also be able to support you and check in on you. It is so important to have a good support system around you and talking to people that care for you will help you. I know lots of people don't like talking to their parents about this kind of thing while they are at uni as they don't want to upset/bother them, but they would want to know how you are feeling and they would much rather you tell them so they can help and support you.
If you did end up moving flats and you didn't like it, you could try and get someone to take over your contract and try commuting or finding another accommodation. Sometimes some privately owned halls still have rooms later on into the year so it would be worth looking at this and seeing if you can find something. It is worth a look and if you go through your accommodation service, they may be able to help you out with this and explain your options in terms of leaving your current accommodation early.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
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