Can anyone give constructive criticism on essay
Im year 10 and I want to know what I do well, what I need to improve on. any feedback appreciated!
“What disciplinary sanctions should teachers be allowed to use”
Discipline is a much needed personality trait in many people, it helps everyone with being hard working and determined. A child being disciplined effectively will benefit them tremendously later on in life. A very common and debated question is to what disciplinary sanctions should teachers be allowed to use; to what extent should teachers be allowed to discipline children before it impacts their learning negatively?
Social norms are common everywhere around the world and are prone to changing. Supporting LGBTQ+ may be seen as normal now, yet 70 years ago they were ridiculed and maltreated. In the past, the act of disciplining a child in the classroom would usually entail physical abuse and shouting in the hopes of them learning their lesson. As psychology progressed, we as a society have learnt that this way of disciplining is harmful to the child and usually traumatic. This begs the question, how far is too far in the society we live in today?
I believe that physical and mental abuse should be a thing of the past and a learning experience for those who wish to teach. If a student nowadays is misbehaving, the teacher will have a talk with them and if their behaviour gets severe, the teacher sends the pupil to the head teacher’s office to usually call home. This is exactly how it should be. A stern talk with a student should be the first step in disciplining them; understand where they are coming from and have empathy. You can not change how a person behaves without putting yourself in their shoes. If they get out of hand after that, they shall be taken out of the classroom and the teacher should call home for the parents to deal with them. In my view, it is a parental duty to discipline a child, not the teacher’s duty.
However, a teacher should certainly set rules and expectations for the class to follow and when it comes to enforcing those rules, there should be no harm to the students physically or mentally. From my experience as a student, the teachers who were able to ‘tame’ even the most misbehaved students were the ones who had empathy with those students but weren't afraid to punish them accordingly. That way, the student feels like the teacher can relate with them yet their actions won't go unpunished. In my opinion, these two contrasting ideas of being nice and mean can work well together and is what every teacher should be allowed to do.
At most, teachers should send the student home since the pupil will not learn from aggressive disciplinary techniques if they do not respect the teacher. This respect will only be gained through balancing how nice and how harsh the teachers are. Hitting children should never be allowed in my eyes as it will only make them resent the teacher more therefore leading to more disruptive behaviour.
Although physically abusing children and framing it as ‘discipline’ is seen as abusive in the western world, other countries are yet to follow and still follow the traditional ways of disciplining children. After all, this question is entirely subjective and the answer based upon the morals of whoever is answering it and knowing what works for children and what doesn’t is dependent on the child itself. Personally I value the education and well-being of our future workers and innovators which is why I believe in what I said before.
“What disciplinary sanctions should teachers be allowed to use”
Discipline is a much needed personality trait in many people, it helps everyone with being hard working and determined. A child being disciplined effectively will benefit them tremendously later on in life. A very common and debated question is to what disciplinary sanctions should teachers be allowed to use; to what extent should teachers be allowed to discipline children before it impacts their learning negatively?
Social norms are common everywhere around the world and are prone to changing. Supporting LGBTQ+ may be seen as normal now, yet 70 years ago they were ridiculed and maltreated. In the past, the act of disciplining a child in the classroom would usually entail physical abuse and shouting in the hopes of them learning their lesson. As psychology progressed, we as a society have learnt that this way of disciplining is harmful to the child and usually traumatic. This begs the question, how far is too far in the society we live in today?
I believe that physical and mental abuse should be a thing of the past and a learning experience for those who wish to teach. If a student nowadays is misbehaving, the teacher will have a talk with them and if their behaviour gets severe, the teacher sends the pupil to the head teacher’s office to usually call home. This is exactly how it should be. A stern talk with a student should be the first step in disciplining them; understand where they are coming from and have empathy. You can not change how a person behaves without putting yourself in their shoes. If they get out of hand after that, they shall be taken out of the classroom and the teacher should call home for the parents to deal with them. In my view, it is a parental duty to discipline a child, not the teacher’s duty.
However, a teacher should certainly set rules and expectations for the class to follow and when it comes to enforcing those rules, there should be no harm to the students physically or mentally. From my experience as a student, the teachers who were able to ‘tame’ even the most misbehaved students were the ones who had empathy with those students but weren't afraid to punish them accordingly. That way, the student feels like the teacher can relate with them yet their actions won't go unpunished. In my opinion, these two contrasting ideas of being nice and mean can work well together and is what every teacher should be allowed to do.
At most, teachers should send the student home since the pupil will not learn from aggressive disciplinary techniques if they do not respect the teacher. This respect will only be gained through balancing how nice and how harsh the teachers are. Hitting children should never be allowed in my eyes as it will only make them resent the teacher more therefore leading to more disruptive behaviour.
Although physically abusing children and framing it as ‘discipline’ is seen as abusive in the western world, other countries are yet to follow and still follow the traditional ways of disciplining children. After all, this question is entirely subjective and the answer based upon the morals of whoever is answering it and knowing what works for children and what doesn’t is dependent on the child itself. Personally I value the education and well-being of our future workers and innovators which is why I believe in what I said before.
Id be happy to have a look but before I do just want to know if this is for a specific exam question (if so can I have the subject and exam board) or if you’re just trying to work on essay writing?
Original post by DerDracologe
Id be happy to have a look but before I do just want to know if this is for a specific exam question (if so can I have the subject and exam board) or if you’re just trying to work on essay writing?
Im just trying to work on essay writing
Original post by alan120
Im just trying to work on essay writing
Ok cool
Question is really well introduced
Consider linking question to main paragraphs so it flows a bit better as an essay- would work if it was more of a presentation but its subjective to writing style
Add some evidence to back up your points- even if its made up as you can make up believable stats in many essay exams like GCSE English or if you’re writing for pleasure then find real stats to further support your argument- or quotations etc
More ambitious and varied vocab
Consider evaluating a counter-argument to strengthen your points
If you’re aiming for an academic tone, consider more formal writing (can help to read some articles of a similar sort to improve this)
Hope this helps! Have a nice day 🙂
Original post by DerDracologe
Ok cool
Question is really well introduced
Consider linking question to main paragraphs so it flows a bit better as an essay- would work if it was more of a presentation but its subjective to writing style
Add some evidence to back up your points- even if its made up as you can make up believable stats in many essay exams like GCSE English or if you’re writing for pleasure then find real stats to further support your argument- or quotations etc
More ambitious and varied vocab
Consider evaluating a counter-argument to strengthen your points
If you’re aiming for an academic tone, consider more formal writing (can help to read some articles of a similar sort to improve this)
Hope this helps! Have a nice day 🙂
Question is really well introduced
Consider linking question to main paragraphs so it flows a bit better as an essay- would work if it was more of a presentation but its subjective to writing style
Add some evidence to back up your points- even if its made up as you can make up believable stats in many essay exams like GCSE English or if you’re writing for pleasure then find real stats to further support your argument- or quotations etc
More ambitious and varied vocab
Consider evaluating a counter-argument to strengthen your points
If you’re aiming for an academic tone, consider more formal writing (can help to read some articles of a similar sort to improve this)
Hope this helps! Have a nice day 🙂
I was going to talk about counter arguments and then just forgot, thanks for the feedback though!
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