I really can’t do this

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hey there,

I truly hope you've been keeping well. 🙂

I get how you feel. Its a type of emotion I wouldn't even want to wish on my enemy, and I'm sorry you've had to feel the way you have. It's completely valid to feel that way, so don't for a moment think that you're the only one whose been cursed with the worst luck whilst everyone else lives normally (at least that's definitely how I felt at times!).
But it takes a courage to write out and express what you're going through, so you have to give yourself credit for that.

I should say its fantastic that you've been taking time to invest in yourself, trying to manage your anxieties, and navigating your sense in this world. While it probably does feel like things aren't improving, its a harsh reality, but sometimes progress just takes that little bit more time than we would like or expect. BUT. But, that doesn't for one moment mean that you have to struggle through this by yourself. You're never ever going to be a burden, and you don't have to leave. There will be people who truly want to be with you, support you, help you, and get you set - whether thats support services or counselors at your university, an academic advisor or close lecturer, or friends and family around you. Maybe you could just ask a lecturer or grad student if they know who to contact for support at the uni? It might also be worth speaking with your lecturers or student support about ways they can assist you, whether by adjusting how much you need to participate or exploring other options for your course.

Regarding your course, if you're geniunely not enjoying it, then try exploring that further too. There's no shame in reassessing your current position, and choosing to make a change. If I'm correct in assuming you're under 30, then you still have so so so many chances to change and try new things - it definitely might not seem like it, and it may seem like some major paths are just closed off, but trust me, even just a small community of people with some obscure hobby can lead to some amazing new doors! Regardless, before making any big decision, I should say, it will help you to reach out and chat to someone who can give you sincere guidance on your options. You deserve to be supported.

I would just say, please don't feel like you have to through this on your own. Whether its reaching out to some friends, family, services at uni, there are people who can and want to support you through this. Take your time, and don't feel pressured to make any immediate decision. Your wellbeing is the most important thing.

Sending you my best wishes. You've got this, and you're not alone in how you feel.
Take care of yourself. <3

Warm regards,

David 🙂
University of Kent Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hi there,

I am sorry you have been feeling like this, it can be really lonely sometimes at university and feeling like this can be really hard.

Firstly, I want to say that it is completely okay to not be feeling like you are enjoying uni at the moment. It can take time to adjust to a new place and new environment and university is such a big change that a lot of people struggle with. I also agree with what has already been said- it takes a lot of courage to speak out about how you are feeling and asking for help so this is something to be admired.

I would also say that it can take a while to adjust to university so if I was you, I would want to give it a little bit more time to see if you start to enjoy it and if you get more comfortable being there. It can get better over time and you will get used to your seminars and it might not feel as scary talking in front of people when you get to know them. I also don't really like talking in front of a big group, so I completely understand how you feel and it does get a bit better once you are more comfortable. Another thing to remember is that nobody is completely comfortable doing these things and lots of people will experience some form of anxiety doing it, so even if it looks like everyone is confident, they likely aren't as confident as they seem.

If you do decide to stay at uni, I would definitely recommend getting in touch with your student well-being services. They will be there for you and can support you in how you are feeling. It is so important to look after your mental health and talking to services such as this will really help you as it is really good to talk about how you are feeling. They might also be able to put some things in place for you which would help you so it is worth doing.

You could also talk to some of your tutors about your social anxiety and how anxious you are feeling about going to uni as you are worried you are going to have to talk in front of the class. Most tutors won't want you to feel anxious about coming to uni and want you to enjoy it so they might be able to help you with this too.

Taking to friends and family might help too- make sure you FaceTime them and message them and there is no shame in going home if you want to go home and spend a weekend at home! Sometimes going home is a nice change and can recharge your batteries in a way which can make it easier when you are back.

However, there is no shame in dropping out if you really feel like uni is not for you. As I said, your mental health is so important and if you really feel this is the best thing to do, you should consider it. Talk to your uni help team about this and see if they can explain the process to you and see if it is something you want to do.

I hope some of this helps and make sure you look after yourself,

Lucy - SHU student ambassador.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

For someone who is in year 12,i dont know anything about uni life.However,i had a cousin who was in pretty similar situation to you right now and i can happily say they are doing amazing right now,no complaints at all.The minute you boldly speak in front of others,is the same minute whether you realise if you can do it or not.Nothings impossible,im sure you can do it.Find some stress management techniques such as deep breathing and have that willpower to get through the day.Good luck and all the best.

Reply 4

Liverpool Hope University

Official Rep

19

Hi there,

Starting university is always daunting so it's absolutely ok that you feel like this.

I would suggest going to talk to your student wellbeing team. They will be able to give you some advise and may be able to organise a learning support plan that will make your seminars a bit easier for you. Also talking to your friends and family may help to relieve a bit of the anxiety you are feeling.

As for not enjoying your course, I would say maybe try and stick it our for a few more weeks and if you are really not enjoying it you can look at transferring courses or dropping out all together. Your mental health is really important so at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you.

I hope this helps😀

Lottie, Graduate Advocate

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hi there,

I'm sorry that you feel this way. Moving to university is a huge change especially for those with social anxiety. This is something I went through to some extent as I am a shy person with anxiety too. I am also sure a lot of students feel like this at the start, some more than others.

In terms of dropping out I would suggest trying to wait it out a little bit more and then maybe changing courses or dropping it. I am sure you know what's best for you and that mental health should always be a priority. If it's the speaking in front of your class mates that is the main issue maybe looking at courses that are more course work based could be an action for you, but there will be an element of speaking in front of class mates or group work in most courses.

Like others have mentioned, speaking to student support/wellbeing team is something you would benefit from. Being a shy person, they helped me to come out my shell and really put myself out there. This helped me with my confidence and helped me to make more friends.

Hope this helps! 🙂
Jakub- Recent graduate

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hi there,

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It's totally understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially with social anxiety in seminar-heavy courses. Two weeks isn't too soon to leave, but before making any big decisions, I suggest reaching out to student support or a tutor. They can offer mental health support or even adjustments to help with your anxiety. If the course isn't right for you, it's okay to reconsider, but speaking to someone first can help you explore other options, like switching courses or taking a break. Your mental health is a priority—take time for yourself, and don't hesitate to ask for support.

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling. Going to university can be a big change - both in terms of education and lifestyle - and it's completely understandable that all of these changes can make you feel anxious. I'd recommend reaching out to any university support services available (mental health/counselling), and talking to both your personal tutor and your family about how you're currently feeling. It could be that the more seminar-based structure of the course isn't right for you and you'd be more suited to a different environment/teaching method - getting in contact with university support will hopefully let you know whether adjustments can be made to make you feel more comfortable on your course.

Eve (Kingston Rep).

Reply 8

Ciel.

21

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

hey don't give up just yet. if you can, see a doctor. they probably won't prescribe you proper anti-anxiety meds unless you go private but a gp might prescribe you propranolol for the physical symptoms of anxiety and/or antidepressants which can sometimes help with anxiety, too.

i know it's hard but maybe give it a try. medication is literally the only thing that got me through uni, i was really struggling too. hope things get better. if you still hate your course in a few weeks time, maybe then you can decide

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Hi

I hope you have been keeping well aside from this.

I think that you have shown real determination to be able to get to this point, and because of this, I think that you should be really proud of how far you have come.

In addition to this, have you thought about joining a society that you may be interested in? This is because societies are a great way to make friends as they allow people of common interests to come together to talk about common interests.

This may help you to feel more comfortable in the Uni environment as it will help you to develop a better support network.

I hope this helps,

Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps

Reply 10

Analyst89

20

Original post by Anonymous

I’m at uni rn and thinking of dropping out. I have pretty bad social anxiety and most of my classes are seminars so I have to talk a lot in front of the class and it’s causing me so much stress, I feel like crying all the time and I feel miserable. I spent a whole year working on myself trying to get better but I just feel like the anxiety’s not reducing. I’m not enjoying the course either. It’s only been 2 weeks, is it too soon to leave? I honestly feel like just catching a train home tonight and not coming back, I feel so horrible I can barely manage to leave my room rn let alone go to my seminar.

Social skills:

Be open, relaxed, approachable, friendly, lighten up

0) You can try nlp exercises, meditation, breathing techniques, visualisation. You can read books on this subject and there is a wealth of resources on the internet, youtube regarding this subject.

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, how's it going, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, their day, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening. You could read up on current affairs.Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

8) In group discussions, relax and talk to someone close or if someone says something you know, you can talk then. Stay relaxed.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

10) You can write things down and come up with a rational reframed response, keep a journal of your thoughts, re ach out to people slowly

I really can’t do this

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