The Student Room Group

Friends obsessed with horrible bfs

Hi so im 18 and recently I've been having this issues where a lot of my friends are really desperate for a bf and/or have bfs who treat them horribly and it upsets them but won't do anything about it. So one of my friends got into this relationship like last December and he treats her really poorly and pretty borders on being abusive from my perspective very controlling, she complain about him a lot and they fight all the time, she posts him on social media all the time though.
Then my other friend who's a boy got jealous as he admitted and wanted a bf as well, so he got one and they both complain about each other all the time and fight all the time as well, he admitted he doesn't even like him much he just thinks he's attractive.
Then my other two friends just sort of broke up with their *****y bfs (both cheating) and were talking about how much they miss them and how they really want another bf or get back with them.
I try and be as understanding as possible and of course they're my friends so I try and be there for them as much as I can, but they all complain so much about their bfs, won't take any advice or do anything about it, its all they talk about and they ditch me to be with the bfs which is completely fine but then come to me when it goes wrong, but will again take no advice so what's the point? It won't be as bad if it were one person but it seems a lot of my friends are like this ATM. They all admit they are desperate to be a in relationship and I dont really know what to say or do anymore? They seem to think having a bf makes their life better but they seem more miserable than ever.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so im 18 and recently I've been having this issues where a lot of my friends are really desperate for a bf and/or have bfs who treat them horribly and it upsets them but won't do anything about it. So one of my friends got into this relationship like last December and he treats her really poorly and pretty borders on being abusive from my perspective very controlling, she complain about him a lot and they fight all the time, she posts him on social media all the time though.
Then my other friend who's a boy got jealous as he admitted and wanted a bf as well, so he got one and they both complain about each other all the time and fight all the time as well, he admitted he doesn't even like him much he just thinks he's attractive.
Then my other two friends just sort of broke up with their *****y bfs (both cheating) and were talking about how much they miss them and how they really want another bf or get back with them.
I try and be as understanding as possible and of course they're my friends so I try and be there for them as much as I can, but they all complain so much about their bfs, won't take any advice or do anything about it, its all they talk about and they ditch me to be with the bfs which is completely fine but then come to me when it goes wrong, but will again take no advice so what's the point? It won't be as bad if it were one person but it seems a lot of my friends are like this ATM. They all admit they are desperate to be a in relationship and I dont really know what to say or do anymore? They seem to think having a bf makes their life better but they seem more miserable than ever.

Many people crave to have someone to be there for them - someone to fit the bill of what they ideally view love is to be. Meaning as in they want to feel and be in love; however, with the limited and desperate options, they are afraid of letting their current opportunity of having a partner go as they probably don’t believe they could find another partner.

So in order to continue to idealistically feel love, they continue to stay with their bfs that treat them horribly!

The easiest way is for them to fall in love with someone who is better for them - one where the feelings could be reciprocated. This causes your friends to fall out of love and realise how they’ve been treated this whole time.

I wish the best for you guys!
A lot of young people have to get through one or two relationships before they learn to recognise these red flags for themselves. To be blunt, they have no idea what a functional, working relationship looks like.

It’s frustrating as an outsider for sure. But all you can do is be there for them and raise any serious concerns in a non-judgmental way.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so im 18 and recently I've been having this issues where a lot of my friends are really desperate for a bf and/or have bfs who treat them horribly and it upsets them but won't do anything about it. So one of my friends got into this relationship like last December and he treats her really poorly and pretty borders on being abusive from my perspective very controlling, she complain about him a lot and they fight all the time, she posts him on social media all the time though.
Then my other friend who's a boy got jealous as he admitted and wanted a bf as well, so he got one and they both complain about each other all the time and fight all the time as well, he admitted he doesn't even like him much he just thinks he's attractive.
Then my other two friends just sort of broke up with their *****y bfs (both cheating) and were talking about how much they miss them and how they really want another bf or get back with them.
I try and be as understanding as possible and of course they're my friends so I try and be there for them as much as I can, but they all complain so much about their bfs, won't take any advice or do anything about it, its all they talk about and they ditch me to be with the bfs which is completely fine but then come to me when it goes wrong, but will again take no advice so what's the point? It won't be as bad if it were one person but it seems a lot of my friends are like this ATM. They all admit they are desperate to be a in relationship and I dont really know what to say or do anymore? They seem to think having a bf makes their life better but they seem more miserable than ever.

The girls should leave their abusive relationships. They deserve to be with real men.

The homosexual males should have a sit down discussion and either make up or end it.

For you, don't get too involved as it can be emotionally draining. All the best.
Yep that sounds like 18-year-olds to me. Most peoples' first one or two relationships are pretty crap.

It's pretty hard to get through this stuff any other way than just living the relationship and making mistakes the hard way.

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