The Student Room Group

Is it really that bad to date a housemate?

I think I’m falling for my housemate, and I have a suspicion that she might be interested in me too.

We cook each other food, watch tv together most nights, have similar values about keeping the house in a clean state. We shop together, eat together frequently, and often we’ll just lounge in the living room for an hour or so just chatting.

At first I dismissed it as just a crush that would probably go away in a few weeks, but I’ve noticed that she’s started to become a little flirty when it’s just the two of us. We tease each other all the time, like we make fun of each other for little things that shouldn’t even be funny but they are. I caught her literally just staring at me the other night in this longing way. So I’m starting to think that maybe, she might just be interested too, and that I should make a move at some point.

The main issue I would have is finding a time when we’re both free to go on a date, as we’re both insanely busy with uni work and other commitments. So I’m not sure if it’s even gonna be possible.

What are the thoughts on this? I know it’s generally advised to stay away from situations like this but are there any exceptions to the rule?
Reply 1
It is of course very bad news if it doesn’t work out during the time you’re still living together. This said, life is short and people tend to live for the moment and see what happens. You could be married with 2.5 kids in a few years from now. Personally, if you like her, I would see if you can make it drift towards romance
Reply 2
Original post by Zarek
It is of course very bad news if it doesn’t work out during the time you’re still living together. This said, life is short and people tend to live for the moment and see what happens. You could be married with 2.5 kids in a few years from now. Personally, if you like her, I would see if you can make it drift towards romance

What do you think I could do to try and push things more romantically to test the waters a little? I was thinking of trying to arrange a day out or something that’ll just be the two of us, but not sure if that would be a good move or not.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
What do you think I could do to try and push things more romantically to test the waters a little? I was thinking of trying to arrange a day out or something that’ll just be the two of us, but not sure if that would be a good move or not.

To be honest I am not sure. I have tended to go for the go out drinking together and see if anything develops, but it’s a strategy I’m reluctant to recommend. I think you should avoid the risk of a clear rejection, so an ambiguous date request and to an extent leaving the ball in her court is a reasonable bet. If your instinct is that she’s in the same place as you, you could go for it though. Good luck.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Zarek
To be honest I am not sure. I have tended to go for the go out drinking together and see if anything develops, but it’s a strategy I’m reluctant to recommend. I think you should avoid the risk of a clear rejection, so an ambiguous date request and to an extent leaving the ball in her court is a reasonable bet. If your instinct is that she’s in the same place as you, you could go for it though. Good luck.

I was considering trying the drinking idea but I wouldn’t want to (and wouldn’t want her to) make any decisions I come to regret after drinking. Maybe I’ll tell her I’m going for a coffee and offer for her to join, then it’s ambiguous enough that it doesn’t have to be a date.

If anyone else has any suggestions or advice please let me know!!
Reply 5
Just giving this a bump
Original post by Anonymous
Just giving this a bump

Good luck mate, I say make the relationship grow gradually, and find out if she actually loves you or not. You don't need to ask so quick though, that would be awkward... :pizza:
Reply 7
Original post by Mr_Pizza
Good luck mate, I say make the relationship grow gradually, and find out if she actually loves you or not. You don't need to ask so quick though, that would be awkward... :pizza:

Yeah I think I will take my time with things and see how the situation progresses. I might see if I can arrange something just the two of us soonish though to see how things play out. Thank you :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I think I’m falling for my housemate, and I have a suspicion that she might be interested in me too.
We cook each other food, watch tv together most nights, have similar values about keeping the house in a clean state. We shop together, eat together frequently, and often we’ll just lounge in the living room for an hour or so just chatting.
At first I dismissed it as just a crush that would probably go away in a few weeks, but I’ve noticed that she’s started to become a little flirty when it’s just the two of us. We tease each other all the time, like we make fun of each other for little things that shouldn’t even be funny but they are. I caught her literally just staring at me the other night in this longing way. So I’m starting to think that maybe, she might just be interested too, and that I should make a move at some point.
The main issue I would have is finding a time when we’re both free to go on a date, as we’re both insanely busy with uni work and other commitments. So I’m not sure if it’s even gonna be possible.
What are the thoughts on this? I know it’s generally advised to stay away from situations like this but are there any exceptions to the rule?

It's not bad per se, but it is a very easy way to taint the atmosphere of where you reside.

In your case I wouldn't really say that these are definitive signs that she is into you as more than a friend. The best thing to do if you want to confess would be to address the feelings to her in a direct way of "hey I'm noticing I am feeling like this about you - what do you want me to do with these feelings" - as opposed to dumping your feelings on her.

If she reciprocates your feelings she will probably go for it - if not, doing so in this manor is generally the lesser but still awkward of the two options.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 9
Original post by StevenWong1
It's not bad per se, but it is a very easy way to taint the atmosphere of where you reside.
In your case I wouldn't really say that these are definitive signs that she is into you as more than a friend. The best thing to do if you want to confess would be to address the feelings to her in a direct way of "hey I'm noticing I am feeling like this about you - what do you want me to do with these feelings" - as opposed to dumping your feelings on her.
If she reciprocates your feelings she will probably go for it - if not, doing so in this manor is generally the lesser but still awkward of the two options.

I suppose you might be right, although I definitely have picked up on a more flirty vibe some days than what it used to be like. Honestly, there’s a while left on the tenancy so I think I’m gonna play it safe and wait another week or two to see if my feelings have changed, or if she starts acting any differently. Last thing I want to do is make things awkward if she isn’t actually into it.

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