URGENT- Poetry Essay GCSE

Hello - could anyone please mark this Unseen Poetry essay?

In 'Shoulders' how does the poet present ideas about the importance of protecting and taking care of each other? [24 marks]
In the poem 'Shoulders' the importance of protecting and taking care of each other is shown through the extended metaphor of a man taking care of his young son as he carries him, 'asleep on his shoulder'. The man is presented as an example for the reader to follow in society. He is looking out for his son, as he steps 'gently' at the edge of the road and looks 'two times north and south'. This shows the care and precaution he is taking in delivering his son home safely. He searches his surroundings for danger, thinking that 'No car must splash him. / No car drive to near to his shadow.' The short sentneces, ended with a full stop, highlight his certainty about this task and determination. The repetition of 'No' reflects how he wants his son to rest peacefully and undisturbed.

The poet then invites the reader to also act in this way, looking out for others in society, as the second half of the text explains that we will not be able to live properly in 'this world' if we will not 'do what he's doing' and protect others. The repetition of 'we' throughout this section of the text creates a sense of community, and promotes the idea that we are all experiencing the struggle of life together, and must act as a team to overcome challenges. The repetition of 'w' also sounds like the sound of whimpering, which has an emotive impact on the reader, and implores them to help others who are suffering. The need to work with others is also reinforced by the last two lines, as the poet states that 'The road will only be wide.' and 'The rain will never stop falling.' This shows that there will be many difficulties we face as a society, and it is only when we collaborate that we can solve them. 'never stop falling' highlights that these struggles will be eternal, and we cannot only help others in opportune times, and sends a positive message to the reader.

The poet also presents protecting and taking care of others as a duty that everyone has. The man is 'not marked' and 'Nowhere does his jacket say FRAGILE / HANDLE WITH CARE'. This shows that he is not distinguished from other people, including the reader themselves. There is nothing special about him compared to other people - he is simply fulfilling his societal duty of helping others. This compels the reader to follow his example and also act in a similar way. This also reflects that he is not especially protected from other people and 'cars' because of his situation, and this could imply that perhaps we should be looking out for this man also, as he could be in a dangerous situation. Alternatively, this could be to remind us that he should not be treated differently from other people, as he is simply doing what everyone is supposed to do, rather than something the poet feels is 'additional', and beyond the average person's responsibilities. This could cause the reader to also accept this as their own duty, and to take a more actively moral approach to life rather than just passively trying to not perform any immoral actions.

The poet also suggests that people must work together in order to fulfill society's aims. This is implied by the man hearing 'the hum of a boy's dream / deep inside him'? The 'hears the hum' contains alliteration of the letter 'h' which is like the word 'hope', symbolising the hopes that the boy has - or, alternatively, that society has, as it hopes for a kinder and more community-based future. 'hum' also sounds peaceful, which suggets it is a happy 'dream' and something good we should try to aspire for. It could also sound like a group of voices, different but in communion with each other, working together. His son being described as 'a boy' could be symbolic of society - society is still relatively young and has lots of capacity for change and improvement whilst crafting a better future. Thus, this could inspire the reader to change, and suggests that they can see the potential in those arouund them to also make the change to caring about others. The dream is described as being 'deep inside' the man. The man could be interpreted generous for caring so much about the goals of others, but when the dream is interpreted as society's dream rather than just the boy's, this line means that he is carrying the goal of helping others in his everyday life, and that this is his life purpose. The reader may be inspired by this and could also make this their guiding principle throughout daily interactions.

This is the poem:

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 1

Apollo'sceptre

Hi there! I would love to help you (especially since this is urgent) but I am in no way a teacher! I am however studying English Literature A level, achieving a 9 this summer so it's still relatively fresh in my memory. ☺️
Do you mind if I ask which year you're in/how close you are to exams and what makes this urgent? I just want to make sure I'm not responding to a bot 😆
Would love to help.
Thanks,
Appolo'sceptre

Reply 2

Sichwünschen

I'm in Year 10, and I've got mock exams in less than 2 weeks - very worried

Reply 3

Sichwünschen

Original post by Apollo'sceptre

I'm in Year 10, and I've got mock exams in less than 2 weeks - very worried

(just wrote this again because I realised I might need to link this as a reply in order for you to see it)

Reply 4

helenusa

Your essay effectively conveys the themes of care and unity presented in the poem "Shoulders." It's great that you've highlighted the metaphors and repetition to explain the central message. To strengthen your argument, consider diving deeper into the analysis of alliteration and imagery. Adding specific examples from the text will make your points more convincing. Also, focus on how the poet’s style supports the themes. This will help make your essay more comprehensive and detailed.

Reply 5

Apollo'sceptre

Original post by Sichwünschen

I'm in Year 10, and I've got mock exams in less than 2 weeks - very worried
(just wrote this again because I realised I might need to link this as a reply in order for you to see it)

Thank you for your reply. Good luck for them, just try your best at mocks but don't stress too much.

I really enjoyed this essay and I think it has some really lovely ideas. You clearly know how to identify methods in at text and find meaning in them, which is super important in any kind of analysis. Completely agree with the poster before me aswell on this point. To develop your AO2 it would be great if you could perhaps look for more specific methods. Things like semantic fields, symbolism, narrative voice etc. are usually what sets you apart from other candidates for GCSE (why they have such an emphasis on methods I still don't understand).

Just in terms of structure, I usually had a cconceptual introduction to make the argument clear before jumping in. You can find really good intro examples on Amy Smith Literature. LITerally saved me. Anyway, afterwards I would focus on using a PEEL structure/ What, How, Why. You already have the content to be great at this structure but this will help you expand on the WHY whilst extending your analysis. I rememeber being told to neverrstart my main body paras with signposts in the poem e.g. 'At the start of the poem..' Perhaps you don't have to be as extreme as that, but using a CONCEPTUAL topic sentence is key!! Feel free to expand on them - what is the poet trying to say about society? Why are they saying this? What is their intention? ETC.

Then short conclusion to wrap things up + perhaps link to modern society. Good luck you'll do well. And don't worry - these mocks are more to practise building good study habits and seeing which modes of revision work best (so if my feedback didn't help you don't need to use it next time XD). If you have time I'd be happy to give feedback on this essay following the AQA structure (above)... if not good luck and rememebr to take care of yourself!

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 6

Sichwünschen

Thank you very much! I will try to write about more techniques and write a better introduction and conclusion in the next one. Your feeback is very useful and detailed. 😀

Out of curiosity, what mark would you give this out of 30?

Reply 7

Apollo'sceptre

Ooh... I am honestly not too sure, sorry. Perhaps you could show this to your teacher especially if they'e examined before? I'm so sorry I'd love to give you a level but I wouldn't want to tell you the wrong thing. Hope mocks go well. Let me know if you need anything else.

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