How to survive loneliness at university?

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.

Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.

I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.

Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Reply 1

3908

Going back to uni is personal choice, if you really want to do it, you should!

With that said, I don't drink and am introverted. I spent the first year and a half being extremely lonely and would often skip lectures because sometimes it required me to "discuss with the person next to you" i was genuinely friendless and had noone.

Now in my third year it's much better and i have made lots of friends, and this is how:

•

In your first year, everyone is in the same situation - everyone is eager to make friends and everyone is shy. You just need to be the first person to start the convo

•

This leads me to my next point --> Look for other lonely people - i can promise you they are in the exact same position as you and are just nervous to approach you, so make the first step. They would probably thank you for it

•

Say yes. Even if it's to drinking events, just say yes, go and don't drink. I know plenty of people who go to clubs but don't drink.

•

find an extrovert 🤣 find someone outgoing and talk to them. At best you've made a friend and at worst you messed up the convo but because they are always talking to someone they'll forget about you. Once you have an extrovert let them help you make friends - its always easier for me to make friends in a group situation than 1-on-1

•

Join societies (I know you probably heard this before and have already thought of this. and i agree its easier said than done, trust me i know😭. But it's all about choosing the right societies. Go to these 4:
Interest based society (gaming, film, etc)
Career based society
Religious/identity based society (femsoc, Isoc, ACSOC, swedish soc etc) (if applicable)
Academic (your department/course society)
and in each of these you'll find different people with different priorities. By that i mean people in "Career based society" will tend to be more talkative and more ready to attend events (people at the volunteering societies are always out and volunteering)

•

Join these societies as early as possible and attend all the events they hold within the first 3 weeks (prime 'making-friends' time)

•

As a non-drinker the muslims are the best people to make friends with, they always have non-drinking events going on (picnic, paintballing, etc) 🤣 🤣 🤣

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Attend everything, go to all the lectures and seminars the more you are seen the more people will go up to you. Making friends is not a one off task, it is a process that will take a couple of months, so be patient and BE SEEN

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Similar to the point above, when you go to all the lectures and seminars, don't sit away from everyone, try and sit near to people. No one wants to talk to someone that is 4 chairs, or rows away so get close.

•

after a lecture or seminar, ask people "who wants to go get lunch or coffee etc" this is easier when the layout of the lecture or seminar is in small group tables

•

Use group assignments well. This is probably the best time to make friends

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 2

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi there,

This sounds like a tough situation for you. I would say that if it is something you want to do, going back to uni sounds like a good idea!

It can be really hard when you feel lonely and don't make lots of friends straight away. It's also tough living away for the first time and lots of people feel like this, but try not to let your experience put you off trying again.

I did a gap year and I found that the year out of education really helped me as it gave me some time off from studying and allowed me to feel excited at the thought of going back to education, which I would not have had if I went straight from school. I think this helped me with the education aspect of uni as I felt quite burnt out after sixth form but my break away from studying was really helpful. If you did decide to take a year away from education completely, this might clarify what you want to do. I would recommend applying for uni in January anyway, as if you decide you dint want to go in the end, there is no obligation to go and this way you have the choice either way!

Would you consider commuting? If you have a uni near you, you could commute which would eliminate the homesickness aspect of university while still allowing you to get a degree. I know this isn't the right choice for everyone, but it is something that you could consider. If it's quite a short commute, it's easy to still join societies and meet people, you might just have to put in a little bit more effort at first.

If you don't think commuting is for you, don't let your one bad experience put you off going to uni. Lots of people don't meet their friends in first year and some people make their closest friends in their third year so there are so many chances to meet people and make friends! Remember that everyone is new at first and will likely be feeling a similar way, even if they don't show it so don't think that it is only you who will be feeling like this.

You have received some great tips about making friends at uni, but I would just add a couple of things:

•

Try and join some groups before you get to uni. Usually there will be groups on Facebook and other social media where people post from your uni and you can meet some people this way before you start your course. This can be an easier way to meet people if you are a bit more introverted as can be less daunting than talking to people face to face sometimes!

•

See if your student union puts any events on. Often, the SU will put on some events which likely don't involve drinking which can be really fun and you meet lots of people this way too. At Hallam, they do 'give it a go' events which are great ways of meeting new people and also trying something new at the same time. These are great so have a look into this!

•

Try and set yourself a goal of talking to one new person a week (or more!). This helped me as it felt like I had a goal to achieve which made me actually want to do it! I also tried to remember that the worst people can say is no, which isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, although I know it feels like it at the time. You will meet so many people and you won't stay friends with all of them, but talking to as many people as you can gives you more chances to find people you are close to!

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 3

CardiffUni Rep 2

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hiya,

Totally understand where you're coming from, as I experience loneliness a lot at university as well.

For me, university felt like such a massive place, with so many people - it got overwhelming at times! Did you experience a similar thing as well?

It helped to think about other people differently - whether its with people you catch up with, or on social media, more people are probably more lonely than you think! We always like to capture and show off the positive sides to our lives, it makes us feel good. We're probably not getting the whole picture of someone's social life with a quick catch up, and people are often showing one side to their life. Uni loneliness is real, and it wasn't until I started talking to other people about it - other people that I thought had amazing, sociable lives - that I realised its something most people at uni experience! Thinking about things this way helped me feel better.

I also found it helped to keep myself busy. Whether its doing hobbies on your own, or joining a more chilled society - if things are looking a bit empty, find the time to do something! Its almost like a distractor, it keeps me entertained when I'm not doing classes.

Hope that helped even a little bit :smile:

~ Fatiha, Cardiff University Student Rep

Reply 4

University of Salford Student Rep

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi @Anonymous#1

First of all, thank you for sharing this, it sounds like you have had a difficult time, so that’s brave to share.

Secondly, I would say I agree with all the advice already given. I know it doesn’t feel like it but believe me you won’t be the only student feeling lonely. What you did was a huge milestone, not only moving out for the first time but starting a new course, in an unfamiliar place, with all the new people. Therefore, you should be proud of yourself for trying it!

Homesickness is surprisingly common among students, especially in the first year. Although many students won't admit it, many students will be feeling it, especially after the initial few exciting weeks at university, and the reality of being away from their family begins to sink in. From my experience (I am now in my final year at university) it can take until the second year for solid friendship groups to really form. Lots of people make great friends quickly, but there will be much change in who you hang out with in the first year as students gradually get to know more people. I discovered that many students enjoy drinking at social events, however, many students naturally drink less as they focus on their courses and the novelty wears off.

I agree that societies are a brilliant way to meet like-minded people, if you do decide to study again it might be worth seeing what societies you’d fancy trying and dropping someone on the committee a message so you already have a friendly face to look out for when you turn up to the first event. For example, at my university, every society has a Well-being and Inclusion officer, who is there to welcome and support anyone nervous about attending an event.

Again, if you do decide to attend university in the future it might be worth having a chat with the student support team and they will be experienced in helping students who find it difficult to make new friends or are feeling lonely. I know when I have reached out to my university’s student support, they have always been lovely and empathetic.

The goal of chatting with one new person a week is fantastic; most new students are keen to make friends, and you would be surprised how many students would be grateful if you started talking to them first.

Of course, it is totally up to you whether you return to education, have a gap year, or do something else. On the one hand, I came to university later in life and found that working for a few years beforehand really helped me decide that university was the right option for me and narrow down what I wanted to study. Consequently, when it came to studying, I was keen to make the most out of my time at university. However, that did not mean I was immune from worrying about making friends and feeling lonely at first. On the other hand, I have plenty of friends who went straight to university from college who enjoyed their time and that was the right decision for them. Therefore do whatever you feel is best for you!

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do next!

Lucy 😊
(Official University of Salford Student Rep)

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 5

Lancaster Student Ambassador

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hello @anonymous #1,

I am sorry to hear you felt lonely at Lancaster Uni, as a student at Lancaster myself, I can safely say that loneliness is a thing commonly felt by everyone at some point or another, including by myself and many people I have met during my studies here.

Sometimes meeting people you connect with can be down simply due to pure luck. But I can assure you that there is people at Lancaster who definitely will have felt the same in terms of feeling like they haven't had the same experiences as other people. Sometimes we have to be more proactive in terms of putting ourselves out there in attempts to meet new people, whether that be sitting next to someone new in a lecture and sparking up a conversation, reaching out to someone via social media, or joining a society based on a pre-existing interest you came to uni with or even joining something you had never even considered to be an interest of yours before.

I would really encourage you to reapply to university after some time out, whether that be Lancaster or somewhere you feel better suited to. University is a great place to learn things about yourself, the course you're studying (ultimately this is the primary motivation why most of us go to university - to get a better education!), and the world around us!

If you do end up reapplying to Lancaster after some time away from education, please remember there are plenty of services available at Lancaster that can help when you feel you are reaching those low points in terms of not feeling yourself or struggling to meet people. Each of our Colleges has their own CAT (College Advisory Team) meaning you can reach out with any worries you may have during your time at university - they are fully aware that moving to a new city, meeting new people, and potentially studying a new subject are all difficult components that can take some adjustment and support.

Wishing you all the best during your time out of education - I hope it brings you some needed comfort!

Please feel free to ask any more questions and we shall get back to you.

Taylor (Lancaster Uni Student Ambassador).

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 6

UniofLaw Student

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi!

It’s completely understandable to feel apprehensive about returning to university after your previous experience at Lancaster. Taking a gap year can be a great opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. This time away from education could allow you to explore your interests, travel, or gain work experience, helping you clarify what you want from your next university experience and preparing you emotionally.

When you’re ready to reapply, it’s important to choose the right environment. Look for universities that have strong support systems and a reputation for fostering inclusivity. Visiting campuses, attending open days, or speaking with current students can give you a sense of the community and whether it aligns with your needs. Making friends as an introvert is absolutely possible without relying on the party scene. Consider joining clubs and societies that match your interests, as many universities offer a range of activities focused on hobbies, sports, or academic pursuits, which can be great for meeting like-minded people.

While drinking might seem prevalent in university life, many students appreciate low-key social events. Look for gatherings like game nights, film screenings, or study groups that allow for more meaningful interactions without the pressure of drinking. Additionally, don’t hesitate to reach out to university support services, such as counseling or student wellbeing teams. They can provide resources to help manage feelings of loneliness and make your university experience more enjoyable.

Ultimately, trust your instincts about what feels right for you. Returning to university can be a fulfilling experience if you find the right environment and approach it with an open mind. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, and many students share similar concerns.

Good luck, and remember to take care of yourself!

Reply 7

UCLan Student

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi Anon,

Moving to university can be difficult, but if you want to give it another go I highly recommend it!

I'm similar to you, quite introverted and I barely drink, while many of my friends at other universities have made large friend groups and go out clubbing regularly. Instead I just did what was best for me and found people who felt similarly! My best recommendation is to join societies, even if it's a hobby you have never done before. It's an excellent way to meet new people and form life-long friendships. Another recommendation is to get a part-time job to fill empty space in the day.

When it comes to drinking, I understand your issue with trying to find another activity to do instead. Personally, I socialise with my friends through the gym, walks, arcades, gaming and craft nights! Also, don't feel bad about struggling to make friendships, it can sometimes take a bit of time but if you're putting yourself out there you will meet people!

If you decide to give university another go, I recommend planning regular trips home. Trains are a great way to travel all over the country and their railcard deal is an excellent money saver. The alternative is looking at campuses close enough where you can still live at home.

I hope this helped, please feel free to ask me any questions, 😊
-Sophia (Business and Management)

Reply 8

username7295759

Original post by Lancaster Student Ambassador

Hello @anonymous #1,
I am sorry to hear you felt lonely at Lancaster Uni, as a student at Lancaster myself, I can safely say that loneliness is a thing commonly felt by everyone at some point or another, including by myself and many people I have met during my studies here.
Sometimes meeting people you connect with can be down simply due to pure luck. But I can assure you that there is people at Lancaster who definitely will have felt the same in terms of feeling like they haven't had the same experiences as other people. Sometimes we have to be more proactive in terms of putting ourselves out there in attempts to meet new people, whether that be sitting next to someone new in a lecture and sparking up a conversation, reaching out to someone via social media, or joining a society based on a pre-existing interest you came to uni with or even joining something you had never even considered to be an interest of yours before.
I would really encourage you to reapply to university after some time out, whether that be Lancaster or somewhere you feel better suited to. University is a great place to learn things about yourself, the course you're studying (ultimately this is the primary motivation why most of us go to university - to get a better education!), and the world around us!
If you do end up reapplying to Lancaster after some time away from education, please remember there are plenty of services available at Lancaster that can help when you feel you are reaching those low points in terms of not feeling yourself or struggling to meet people. Each of our Colleges has their own CAT (College Advisory Team) meaning you can reach out with any worries you may have during your time at university - they are fully aware that moving to a new city, meeting new people, and potentially studying a new subject are all difficult components that can take some adjustment and support.
Wishing you all the best during your time out of education - I hope it brings you some needed comfort!
Please feel free to ask any more questions and we shall get back to you.
Taylor (Lancaster Uni Student Ambassador).

Hi, thanks for your advice. A gap year would give me time to re-think my life and what I want to do before making any final decisions, especially since uni is expensive.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 9

WrexhamUniReps

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi

I understand how you are feeling and know how difficult this may be.

I would speak to your friends and family, as they know you the best and then form a decision from that. In addition, you can always come back to education at any time. There is no perfect time - it is totally flexible for you.

I hope this helps,

Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps

Reply 10

YSJstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I dropped out of Lancaster University because I was incredibly lonely and hated living away from home.
Whenever other people I know have gone to university they seem to have settled in and made good friends and it annoys me because I experienced the opposite.
I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I thought about taking a year out of education and maybe reapplying, but then I don't want to go through the same thing again otherwise I'll just feel miserable.
Should I consider going back to university after some time away from education?
How can I enjoy the experience more and make friends since I'm introverted and don't drink (which is all anyone seems to do at uni)?

Hi!
I'm really sorry to hear you didn't enjoy uni the first time around. Going back to uni is such a personal decision, so it is completely down to what you want to do in the future. However, I can offer some advice on loneliness. The obvious first point is to say that there are societies where drinking is not a part of the social life; I would recommend looking into and joining some of these. If you do go back to university remember that it is a fresh start and everyone is in the same boat trying to make friends, as an introvert myself the best way to meet people is to look at who else is on the outskirts and go speak to them.

Hope this helps! Faye 🙂