Confused

I think I’m ready to start dating again now, but I’m just not sure what to do or what the right way is. I want to date seriously and to marry- I don’t want flings and short relationships.

I don’t want to have sex with someone before we’re properly in love and committed, but most guys I’ve spoken to don’t want to get into a relationship unless sex is on the table from the get go. So I’m starting to think that the only way for me to be able to properly start dating is if I just put out.

But then at the same time I see so many guys saying they don’t want a girl with a larger body count, so like if I put out hoping the relationship goes further and it doesn’t then I’ll just be gaining bodies, which I don’t want to do.

It feels like the only option that pleases everyone is just me being single. I don’t want meaningless sex, and guys want sex, but not a girl who’s had sex with more than one or two people.

Reply 1

Surnia

'Most guys you've spoken to..." how many is that, what age range and where did you meet them?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Surnia

'Most guys you've spoken to..." how many is that, what age range and where did you meet them?

Like 18-21, and like 4-5

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Surnia

'Most guys you've spoken to..." how many is that, what age range and where did you meet them?

And then quite a few of my guy friends care a lot about body count.

Reply 4

anosmianAcrimony

Don't lower your standards, and don't worry too much about pleasing other people. The right guy will not pressure you into doing things you are not ready to do yet. Also, he will not care about your body count.

"It feels like the only option that pleases everyone is just me being single" - well, again, don't worry about pleasing everyone else - this is a decision that should be made with YOUR interests in mind first and foremost. That said if you wind up being single for a while because you don't immediately find someone who is compatible with what you need, that's fine!

"Guys want sex, but not a girl who's had sex with more than one or two people" - sort of... we are not monolithic, to be fair. But I agree that there is a segment of masculinity that has contradictory demands of women - simultaneously pressuring for and shaming sexual activity ☹️ It makes it difficult to have sex on YOUR schedule and to feel good about doing it. But that's ultimately your goal, and it's a realistic one if you stick to your guns. You've got this!