The Student Room Group

the guy i'm seeing is still talking to his one night stand

so me and this guy got real close at uni, really quick. we discovered that we have alot of things in common and just clicked. i had a feeling that he liked me and i did a bit too, but i don't really make it obvious. I invited him on a night out so we could hang out more and he seemed excited, but at the pres we went to, he started talking to some girl and i was a bit confused. we got to the club and he was with her talking and stuff, and my flatmate asked me what was going on between us, and i said, i thought he liked me but i guess not, it made me really upset. turns out he told my flatmate that the age gap was weird (she was 18, he was 22) and he felt like he was being used for drinks to which she said, stay with us then, the only two people you actually know. Anyway this girl occupied him the whole time and i just got really drunk. She came back with us to the place we stay and I was horrified. I went into my room and started bawling my eyes out. After that it really effected the way i saw him, still does bc it nags me in the back of my mind. Anyway, i asked him "oh did anything happen" and he said yeah, but he wish he didn't bc he regrets it and that she was boring and had nothing in common and always ghosts him, so i was wondering why the hell did you still do it. He confessed to me and i did to him, but i brought that girl back up again and asked him why he's still talking to her (her name is always near the top on snapchat) and he said that he doesn't want her to feel used by an older guy and would hate to it if it happened to him, so he said they called it friends and that's it. the thing i don't get it they used each other and he's just trying to rationalise and make excuses as to why he 'cant' block her. It clearly makes me upset and he doesn't seem to get that into his head. he said he wished he hadn't bc he was looking forward to spending time with me and said that this girl wouldn't leave him alone and that the next day all he could think about was me. If he cares so much about me, why would he still have her added? I mean how much connection could you possibly after like 6 hours together? He says he doesn't want her to feel used, but, respectfully, i don't really care how she feel bc for once i really like a guy and am going to be a bit selfish. I've already brought it up twice and he's said that. He says that she just rants about this guy that she's seeing and he gives advice, but i'm like, still i don't care, i just need to see that you are serious about where this is going and that you care about how i feel and remove her. Everyday when we hang out and he looks at his phone, I think its going to be her, but then again, he doesn't hide his phone when he's texting which makes me feel like he's not hiding something??

sorry this was so long, i just needed to get it out as i've asked friends and they've said, the past is in the past, he's focusing on you right now and my other friend said she doesn't want to get involved but will give me advice. i'm just worried that he's still talking to her bc he's going to get bored of me and move onto her.
You are 100% valid in how you are feeling! Personally I couldn't commit and become serious with someone whose still obviously attached to another woman whether he's just keeping contact for what he says he is or if he's staying in contact for a quick way to get some, he has no reason why he 'cant' block her especially if he really cares about you. Imagine if it was the other way around he definitely wouldn't be happy if you were still in contact with your one night stand. But it's your relationship and everyone has their limits and preferences so please listen and go off your comfortability now rather than later in the relationship when it gets more difficult. Do what's best for you and i wish you the best and the love you deserve. 🙂
Reply 2
He favoured her on the night out and he didn’t really care about your feelings, which is worth reflecting on. To be honest his behaviour doesn’t suggest he’ll be a particularly reliable partner. If you still fancy him though best to put that in the past and focus on making it work out. It’s always better to be self confident and to avoid being possessive.
Reply 3
Original post by roselyptus
so me and this guy got real close at uni, really quick. we discovered that we have alot of things in common and just clicked. i had a feeling that he liked me and i did a bit too, but i don't really make it obvious. I invited him on a night out so we could hang out more and he seemed excited, but at the pres we went to, he started talking to some girl and i was a bit confused. we got to the club and he was with her talking and stuff, and my flatmate asked me what was going on between us, and i said, i thought he liked me but i guess not, it made me really upset. turns out he told my flatmate that the age gap was weird (she was 18, he was 22) and he felt like he was being used for drinks to which she said, stay with us then, the only two people you actually know. Anyway this girl occupied him the whole time and i just got really drunk. She came back with us to the place we stay and I was horrified. I went into my room and started bawling my eyes out. After that it really effected the way i saw him, still does bc it nags me in the back of my mind. Anyway, i asked him "oh did anything happen" and he said yeah, but he wish he didn't bc he regrets it and that she was boring and had nothing in common and always ghosts him, so i was wondering why the hell did you still do it. He confessed to me and i did to him, but i brought that girl back up again and asked him why he's still talking to her (her name is always near the top on snapchat) and he said that he doesn't want her to feel used by an older guy and would hate to it if it happened to him, so he said they called it friends and that's it. the thing i don't get it they used each other and he's just trying to rationalise and make excuses as to why he 'cant' block her. It clearly makes me upset and he doesn't seem to get that into his head. he said he wished he hadn't bc he was looking forward to spending time with me and said that this girl wouldn't leave him alone and that the next day all he could think about was me. If he cares so much about me, why would he still have her added? I mean how much connection could you possibly after like 6 hours together? He says he doesn't want her to feel used, but, respectfully, i don't really care how she feel bc for once i really like a guy and am going to be a bit selfish. I've already brought it up twice and he's said that. He says that she just rants about this guy that she's seeing and he gives advice, but i'm like, still i don't care, i just need to see that you are serious about where this is going and that you care about how i feel and remove her. Everyday when we hang out and he looks at his phone, I think its going to be her, but then again, he doesn't hide his phone when he's texting which makes me feel like he's not hiding something??
sorry this was so long, i just needed to get it out as i've asked friends and they've said, the past is in the past, he's focusing on you right now and my other friend said she doesn't want to get involved but will give me advice. i'm just worried that he's still talking to her bc he's going to get bored of me and move onto her.

This guy is a poor emotional investment who's only interested in you for the chase.

If you look at the facts, he had you in a setting where he could have got you semi drunk and probably into bed. Instead he chose to pursue somebody else.

Note that he says that she ghosts him. This implies he is putting more effort into speaking with her than the other way around (not unexpected given female options when young, especially if she's a bit easy by the sounds of it).

Finally, as you point out, you've indicated how you feel and he still speaks with her.

He's not as into you as you are to him, you would be ill advised to pursue him in the long term.
(edited 4 months ago)

Quick Reply