Please mark my English Language Q2!

I would really appreciate it if someone could mark my answer for English Language paper 1 question 2. Please be really harsh with the marking as well. Thanks!
Text (my teacher wrote it):
" The bustling city was a living, breathing entity, its heart beating in time with the rhythm of countless footsteps. Neon lights flickered like electric fireflies, casting a kaleidoscope of colours onto the rain-slicked streets. The air buzzed with the hum of conversation, the honking of horns, and the distant wail of sirens, creating a symphony of urban life. Skyscrapers loomed overhead, their glass facades reflecting the vibrant chaos below. Amidst the crowd, a lone street performer played a haunting melody on his violin, his music weaving through the cacophony like a silver thread. The scent of street food wafted through the air, a tantalizing blend of spices and smoke that beckoned passers-by. The city, alive with energy and possibility, pulsed with an unspoken promise of adventure. "
Question: How does the writer use language to describe the city?
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The writer uses a metaphor to describe how the city is very busy and chaotic. The writer states that the "bustling" city was "a living, breathing entity,". This metaphor creates a vivid image in the readers head of the city: the city is so chaotic that it is practically alive. This sense of chaos is emphasised by the verb, "bustling". This verb reinforces how chaotic and vibrant the city is: therefore the writer has successfully utilised a metaphor to illustrate how the city is extremely busy and "bustling".
Furthermore, the writer also utilises personification to further reinforce how the city is chaotic, but also to convey how the city is wonderous and magical. The writer states that the cities "heart" was "beating in time with the rhythm of countless footsteps." The phrase, "countless footsteps" helps the reader to imagine how the city is really loud, which is reinforced by the adjective "countless". However, the quote also refers the noise as a "rhythm" and the heart of the city was "beating in time" with it. This creates a melodic tone, and conveys how the sounds of the city are vibrant and amazing, almost like a song. This idea is emphasised when the writer goes on to describe how the "air buzzed" with the "honking of horns, and the distant wail of sirens, creating a symphony." This demonstrates to the reader how the loud, bustling sounds work together to illustrate how the city is extremely vibrant and almost magical.
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Please be brutally honest, and thank you so much in advance

I think it's really good, you pick up the writers use of different linguistic devices and how they have been used to create the city as this alive pulsating entity.
Could you talk more about the sensory usage (I'll try my best to explain what I mean) such as how all the senses such as hearing (horns) and even taste (street food wafting through the air)- a sort of sensory overload is in play here.
Maybe you could reflect on the personification of the skyscrapers "looming" over the city, its quite sinister, like there is an undercurrent of something lurking.
I find the line about the street performing interesting especially comparing it to a "silver thread" its soo tentative and can be easily lost in this chaotic world but still finds the power to be heard.
Man I miss English lol