Clinical Scientist Trainee to Graduate Medicine

Hello all,

Not going to give too many specific details for anonymity but my head has been in a whirr and could really do with some advice, from either clinical scientists or anyone else. Maybe there is no good answer to my situation as I feel I'm in very deep, but it would be good just to get this off my chest at least.

Not from the UK but currently living here as a first year trainee clinical scientist in medical physics, entering with a masters already. I did really well in my BSc and MSc, getting a first in both, and I got into a training position with a less than 5% acceptance rate. I know I should feel grateful and fulfilled with what I have achieved but I have started to realise I may have enjoyed the theory of physics rather than the actual practice. I never enjoyed data analysis, programming or physics labs but always preferred concepts and modules covering therapeutic medicine, anatomy, biology, and patient care. In truth my enthusiasm for these topics is pretty infectious!

Returning to my current situation, I'm now over a month into my first rotation as a trainee and I can't say I have enjoyed it at all. It seems that the entire time I have been working on spreadsheets or tweaking management documents, or doing risk assessments and physics tests on equipment. These are all very necessary things for a healthcare system to function, but they're categorically not for me and I really struggle to find fulfillment on a day to day basis. I'm really starting to resent each day, and haven't yet done anything I might find enjoyable. I am moving into new rotations soon that have a more clinical patient focused role and involve stronger influence on individual patient cases, so that is a positive. I've always particularly disliked the subject matter practice of my current specialism rotation, and have liked some of my limited previous experience with the other rotation specialisms. Nevertheless, I still find myself looking up job descriptions in these other specialisms and seeing many of the same common themes. I'm also worried about the role of AI and automation removing many or all of the clinical aspects of medical physics and transforming it into an almost entirely tech support role. I now find myself thinking about a different career entirely.

I have for a while now contemplated doing medicine. I have contemplated other clinical careers but I feel this is the only one combines science, responsibility and my interest in patient care in the way I'm looking for. I sat for the GAMSAT a few years ago and did very well on the English sections, but fell flat on the science section due to issues around time management. I believe I could do much better a second time with my previous experience. But issues still remain... I felt quite burned out after my MSc, and I feel very afraid to "start again from zero" so to speak, especially after such an intense previous educational experience. I also have almost no money either of my own or within my family to fund such an endeavour, although I am eligible for UK tuition loans. Doing medicine at this stage might feel like I am letting down both my current hospital who are investing so much to train me and my family who have already put up with several years of my education. I dont want to be a "forever student". I am also cognisant of the idea of being quite old by the time I would get anywhere with medicine. Maybe I just need a sanity check. If I could go back and do it all again I wouldn't do physics, but maybe I'm in too deep now.

Please let me know what you guys think. As you can see I am completely in the doldrums right now. Things might improve. But I also may end up regretting my path for the rest of my life. I've reached out to friends but haven't really received any strong advice either way. Is it worth doing medicine at this stage? Should I drop medical physics? Should I complete my training, saving up money and see how it goes?