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Dating makes me feel so worthless

I (early-20s F) have recently started dating again after going through a really hurtful situation that ended in June. I've met someone I really like (late-20s M), which is so great and unexpected. However, the culture of dating in this generation just makes me feel so worthless. I know the chance that he is seeing other people and I'm being viewed as an 'option' is really high. I'm not the type to date multiple people at once. I hold no animosity to anyone who does because I know it's how it works nowadays, but I struggle with it so much. I feel really replaceable, and that makes my anxiety spike. Like, for example, right now he hasn't replied to my message from last night and I keep thinking what if I'm getting ghosted? What if he found someone better? I can't help but feel inferior. I don't feel like I'll ever be enough for anyone and that scares me. At the same time, I feel myself becoming more avoidant and pushing away any developing feelings because I don't want to get hurt again.

Reply 1

Original post
by incoming-lesson
I (early-20s F) have recently started dating again after going through a really hurtful situation that ended in June. I've met someone I really like (late-20s M), which is so great and unexpected. However, the culture of dating in this generation just makes me feel so worthless. I know the chance that he is seeing other people and I'm being viewed as an 'option' is really high. I'm not the type to date multiple people at once. I hold no animosity to anyone who does because I know it's how it works nowadays, but I struggle with it so much. I feel really replaceable, and that makes my anxiety spike. Like, for example, right now he hasn't replied to my message from last night and I keep thinking what if I'm getting ghosted? What if he found someone better? I can't help but feel inferior. I don't feel like I'll ever be enough for anyone and that scares me. At the same time, I feel myself becoming more avoidant and pushing away any developing feelings because I don't want to get hurt again.

Why don't you ask him if he is dating anyone else? Why do you presume he is?

The problem with youngsters (and this was true when I was young) is you are so afraid of "no" and rejection, you end up doing more damage to yourself by projecting your fears of rejection on to others than you would take if you were just honest and upfront.

So if you like this person, tell them you like them. And if they tell you they like you, ask him not to date other people. It really isn't rocket science. The worst outcome from this would be that he doesn't like you (at least you wouldn't be guessing any more) or if he did like you, you would find out if he was dating others, at which point you can choose to end things or he can offer to put things right because you are worth it.

You don't have time to second guess. Be straight. And to be honest - being upfront is really quite sexy as it shows confidence, control and power. Lots of men quite like decisive and confident women. And most importantly, you take control and are not worthless because you are calling the shots on your own life.

Love isn't as portrayed in the movies. It is a dialogue between two consensual people. The only way you can gain consent is to open your mouth and say what you want.
(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 2

Original post
by incoming-lesson
I (early-20s F) have recently started dating again after going through a really hurtful situation that ended in June. I've met someone I really like (late-20s M), which is so great and unexpected. However, the culture of dating in this generation just makes me feel so worthless. I know the chance that he is seeing other people and I'm being viewed as an 'option' is really high. I'm not the type to date multiple people at once. I hold no animosity to anyone who does because I know it's how it works nowadays, but I struggle with it so much. I feel really replaceable, and that makes my anxiety spike. Like, for example, right now he hasn't replied to my message from last night and I keep thinking what if I'm getting ghosted? What if he found someone better? I can't help but feel inferior. I don't feel like I'll ever be enough for anyone and that scares me. At the same time, I feel myself becoming more avoidant and pushing away any developing feelings because I don't want to get hurt again.

I’m 19(f) and feeling the same.

Reply 3

Original post
by incoming-lesson
I (early-20s F) have recently started dating again after going through a really hurtful situation that ended in June. I've met someone I really like (late-20s M), which is so great and unexpected. However, the culture of dating in this generation just makes me feel so worthless. I know the chance that he is seeing other people and I'm being viewed as an 'option' is really high. I'm not the type to date multiple people at once. I hold no animosity to anyone who does because I know it's how it works nowadays, but I struggle with it so much. I feel really replaceable, and that makes my anxiety spike. Like, for example, right now he hasn't replied to my message from last night and I keep thinking what if I'm getting ghosted? What if he found someone better? I can't help but feel inferior. I don't feel like I'll ever be enough for anyone and that scares me. At the same time, I feel myself becoming more avoidant and pushing away any developing feelings because I don't want to get hurt again.

Do unto others as do unto you.

Humility.

Everything is energy

Reply 4

This problem is only relevant if you are dating the kind of good looking guy who can get another girlfriend easily and has options. If you want to date good looking guys the price that you pay is that other girls or women will be interested in them. The guy may then leave you. If you don't want to deal with this, you do what the vast majority of girls and women do, which is to date a guy who isn't very attractive. Everywhere you go you see beautiful girls with very very ordinary looking men and this is the reason.

Reply 5

you're wonderful whether or not he sees multiple people :smile:

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