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(edited 3 weeks ago)

half of my flatmates are nothing like me. which is perfectly fine! ive always been civil and said hi and chatted to them when i saw them. but recently, two of them were stood outside my door late one night and spoke ab how they really didnt like me and thought i was weird. they were on the phone to someone else, and it sounded like they'd complained about me before.
im completely lost on this because i - as far as im aware - haven't done anything to **** them off. do my best to be clean + wash pots quickly, wipe down kitchen, take bin out, yk, standard uni flat stuff.
if i had to guess, this comes from the fact i don't like drinking / clubbing. im quite introverted (ive gotten on well with one of my other flatmates however), but i don't lock myself in my room completely and id have my door open alot of the time incase people wanted anything (+ they have come in to talk w me before), and i do hang around the kitchen too.
my flatmates are so loud. they go out a few times a week, but sometimes theyll stay in and play music in the kitchen and drink. my room is the furthest away and it's So loud. ive got videos of them screaming / yelling songs, and my friend in the same building says she can hear them sometimes. this can go on until 1/2am. if it gets really bad again ill make ask them to shut up / noise complaint, but im nervous bc if they figure out it's me they'll dislike me even more. im nervous to go in our shared kitchen incase they say something.
i know the obvious "answers" are to a) pretend u didn't hear all that and just carry on like normal (they said they Thought i was asleep before they talked ab me) (i wasn't lol) b) think ab moving rooms c) avoid them or d) confront(?) them ab it if things get bad. but none of these options seem particularly appealing rn so to anyone who's been in a similar situation, what did u end up doing? don't want to leave my other flatmate w them if i can help it - they got along a bit better than we do but i still heard them talk **** ab them the same night. thank u :]

Hey @catgreenhouse

Sorry to hear you're having flat mate trouble. It can be so unpredictable about who you are placed with and there is always going to be differences between flat mates.

It's important to remember that the flat is as much your space as it is theirs, and you all deserve to enjoy your time there. But that also means some element of compromise and if your flat mates are getting rowdy a lot of the time or disturbing you and your friends at unsociable hours, it's reasonable for you to be concerned. It's important to keep things civil and friendly, and I wouldn't be afraid to approach your flat mates if they're disturbing you.

If the issue is recurring, I would advise you to speak to your accommodation team. It can feel daunting as, like you say, you don't want your flat mates resenting you, but your accommodation can help iron out the situation if necessary. They may have routines in place for sorting out noise issues, which may just be resolved with them speaking to your flat mates.

I haven't had a noise situation exactly the same as yours, but I did have a situation in my first year where another flat mate and I didn't get on too well. We were civil in the shared spaces and ended up not really interacting with each other throughout the year - which I know doesn't sound ideal - but we came to a friendly compromise and got along when the whole flat were socializing together. Most importantly, it didn't affect the rest of my year and things did get better, so try to take things in your stride and don't be afraid to contact your accommodation for help.

I hope things start to pick up for you. 🙂
Emily
Student rep at BCU

It doesn't sound like you've done anything to annoy your flat mates, but sometimes others can