aqa drama devising log - section 1!

I have just spent hours writing section 1 for my devising log, i was wondering if anyone that has done drama gcse could read it and tell me if it’s good!

sure i might not respond very quickly tho and i got a 7, 2 marks from an 8 btw

thank you sooo much!!!
here is my section 1 (sorry it’s so long!!)
One stimulus that stood out to me was the news article on fans celebrating the Lionesses’ win in Trafalgar Square, as it made me think about how women’s football has begun to get a lot more recognition in recent years. This news article made me feel proud at what they have achieved, but also a sense of anger at how hard they have had to work to prove themselves as in the past football has been considered as a sport unsuitable for women. Upon research, I found an article stating 68,000 girls have started playing football since the Lionesses’ success in the 2022 Euros, with 75% of schools in the UK now offering equal access to football in PE lessons. From this, it is clear that the Lionesses have had an undeniable impact on closing the gender gap in sports. This inspired me to research which other women have had an monumental impact on society throughout history, which led me to suggest focusing our piece on what the treatment of women has been like over time.
From my research, I found it is universally agreed that one of the most influential women to have lived was Emmeline Pankhurst, founder of the Women's Social and Political Union. Thanks to her hard work, women were granted the right to vote in 1918, a massive step in equality between women and men. The dedication and determination Pankhurst embodied became clear when I read how she was ‘no stranger to a prison cell’ as result of the lengths she went to be granted the right to vote. This inspired me to create a piece that would exhibit the fierceness she demonstrated as she led protests in the streets, but also explore her mindset behind this, and why she was so passionate about women being allowed to vote, and how she found the strength to continue after being jailed repeatedly.
Whilst playing the role of Emmeline Pankhurst, I aim to embody the courage and boldness she showed during her protests through my stance, facial expressions, volume, and projection. To help with this, I watched clips from a film called ‘Suffragette’ by Sarah Gavron, and made note of how the actor playing Emmeline Pankhurst (Meryl Streep) was successful physically and vocally. I also focused on how she interacted with her audience whilst protesting. I also want to show the desperation for the cause Pankhurst felt, so I suggested a scene where she is in jail; I will use my vocal skills to show a break in my fierce demeanour and show vulnerability, by crying and using pitch and emphasis on certain words to show anguish.
Another stimulus I felt would be effective to incorporate in our piece was the word ‘freedom’. The word ‘freedom’ originally made me think of optimistic and joyful things, however I then considered instead of focusing on the positive side of freedom, it would be intriguing to take it down the route of a ‘lack of freedom’ and illustrate the oppression that many women have experienced in the past, including Emmeline Pankhurst, as this particular issue made me feel passionate and angered. However, after some consideration, I felt it would be more impactful if we included more than just one woman's story, and I decided we should explore others too - this way, the audience can notice similarities between various women’s experiences.
After researching, I found multiple figures who suffered discrimination at the hands of the patriarchy, most notably Rosalind Franklin - a female chemist who has been referred to as the ‘forgotten heroine’, due to the fact her research was crucial to the discovery of DNA’s structure, yet she did not receive the same credit as her male counterparts Waston and Crick, who won the nobel prize by obtaining and publishing her research without her permission. This led me to suggest we include her in our piece, so we could explore the emotions she may have felt when her work was stolen, for example, despair, rage, and a sense of prejudice. As I looked into her more, I came across a play titled ‘Photograph 51’, directed by Anna Ziegler, which recounted her story. Whilst watching clips of this play, I took note of the way she was belittled by the men around her, for example the tone they used when talking to her - as if they are superior to her - and I decided I wanted to replicate this in my own retelling of her story, as I felt it would make a powerful comment on the prejudiced way some men treated women throughout the 20th century.
Since I am going to be playing the role of Watson, in order to gain a better understanding of his misogynistic attitudes towards Franklin, I read ‘The Double Helix’ - written by Watson himself, an autobiographical account of the discovery of the structure of DNA. Throughout his book, Watson makes multiple sexist comments about Franklin; one example being how he referred to her as ‘Rosy’ throughout his writing rather than her full name or title, which shows his disrespect and disregard for her. I suggested we include me calling her this nickname in our piece, as it helps to demonstrate to the audience the mockery she experienced, and in turn make the audience feel sympathetic and indignant on her behalf. To help portray his character successfully, I will use the knowledge of him I have gained from his book and use the technique of hot-seating to deepen my understanding of his personality.
Our aim for our piece is to make a social commentary and educate our audience on the suffering females have experienced throughout history. We also want to show these women as resilient and tenacious, by showing how they fought back and overcame their struggles, cementing them as powerful role models a modern audience should remember and be inspired by. We want our audience to come away from our performance feeling sympathy towards the women whose stories are told in our piece, angry at how they were treated, and also grateful, recognising that thanks to the impact of these women, society has become much fairer towards women today.
Consequently, we felt a suitable genre for our piece would be Theatre in Education, and that Bretch would be a suitable practitioner to use as incorporating the ‘v-effect’ would distance our audience from the performance and allow them to absorb the important message of feminism we are trying to convey.
After considering various Bretchian techniques, I suggested that the use of a narrator would be beneficial, as they can provide information on what is happening to the audience so they are clear what is happening, whilst also having the opportunity to break the fourth wall. We will also use multi-rolling, as in our piece we want to tell the story of multiple women from different time periods to show the impact of women in different eras. I also felt that another Bretchian device - placards - would be useful as we can use them to involve the audience and break the fourth wall whilst adding atmosphere to our piece - for example, when we have the suffragettes protesting, placards can be used to get the audience to cheer, helping to create the atmosphere of a protest. We will also incorporate flashbacks to deepen the plot, and physical comedy to create humorous moments.
My personal aim is to develop my acting skills by being aware of every move I make on stage and ensuring that it is in character. I will work on this by carefully planning and practising my gait, proxemics in regards to other characters, and appropriate facial expressions for each scene. I also want to develop my ability to create contrast between different characters when multi-rolling, and I aim to experiment with accents and body language to achieve this.

Sorry it took so long, id give this a 15/20, so abt a grade 6, i am marking harshly cause thats what my teacher did and i got a grade above, did lots of good stuff and an area to improve:
Depth of Analysis: While you mention various techniques and historical figures, deeper analysis of how these will manifest in your performance could enhance your log. For example, how exactly will the 'v-effect' influence audience perception?
Clarity and Structure: The log could benefit from clearer organisation. Consider breaking it into sections (e.g., Stimuli, Character Exploration, Techniques, Personal Goals) to enhance readability and make it easier for the reader to follow your thought process.
Personal Reflection: More personal reflection on your emotional connection to the subject matter could strengthen your log. Discuss how the themes of resilience and struggle resonate with you personally and how that might inform your performance.
Engagement with Audience: Elaborate on how you plan to engage the audience emotionally. Beyond educating them, how do you intend to evoke empathy and provoke thought? Specific examples could make your intentions clearer.
Technical Details: Consider incorporating specific examples of how you will employ your acting techniques. For instance, what specific physical choices will you make to differentiate between characters in multi-rolling? This detail would showcase your understanding of acting nuances.
To Achieve Top Band:
Enhanced Analysis: Provide more detailed analysis of how specific techniques will affect your performance and audience engagement.
Clear Structure: Organise your log into distinct sections to improve clarity and flow.
Personal Insight: Include more personal reflections on your connections to the themes, enhancing the emotional depth of your log.
Technical Specificity: Be more specific about the acting techniques and choices you'll employ in your performance to demonstrate a higher level of planning and understanding.
i've taken some of this from the spec as well so it will give you an idea on how your teacher will mark. Hope this helps and always aim high it'll really help, im sure if you put your mind to it you can get a grade 9

thank you so much!!! i really appreciate it