oxford uni - i hate it
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
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Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
Please don't drop out. Because @Stiffy Byng had problems too in the 1980s and it got better with time. 🙂
Original post by thegeek888
Which degree course are studying?
Please don't drop out. Because @Stiffy Byng had problems too in the 1980s and it got better with time. 🙂
Please don't drop out. Because @Stiffy Byng had problems too in the 1980s and it got better with time. 🙂
I had few problems when a student, save the usual (mild) ones of partying too hard, essay crises, and exam stress. The OP is having a difficult time. Some people don't enjoy university, for all sorts of reasons.
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
OP, it is not at all uncommon for people to feel overwhelmed, and homesick, after the first few weeks at Oxford and at other universities. You are not alone in this.
Perhaps talk to the welfare staff at your college, and to your tutors, as well as your family. Maybe have a weekend at home.
You are not obliged to stay at Oxford unless you want to. For what it's worth, two of my contemporaries at college dropped out after one year. They now regret that they did so, but it felt like the right decision at the time. Another contemporary did not drop out, but wishes that he had. Only you can decide if Oxford is right for you, but the way you feel right now is not unusual. For most people, it does get better. The academic and social intensity of Oxford do take some adjusting to.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
It gets better for 95% of people. Not absolutely everyone, but the vast majority. Work kicks in, people stop partying and get more serious, there is work to do, the pressure starts for everyone academically, and honestly, while that sounds tough, it really just evens things out. The social butterfly's to whom everything seems easy, get a bit more serious, and people start to need to work together, or at least sympathise when friends and colleagues have to work. The people on your course, in your College begin to gel as a team and work together. By Christmas, odds are you will feel much more settled.
Try and join at least one society/group and go to it once a week. It will give you a different group of people and be a valuable distraction. There are hundreds to chose from, maybe pick two or three and drop to the one you prefer. But it stops you hiding in your room and festering - important in the winter!
There are also a few tricks like - find a favourite coffee/chocolate/breakfast/cake shop and treat yourself once a week. Pick one with a view and watch the world go by, wondering what people are doing. Find a nice walk in the area and take yourself off there once a week.
In the meantime, don't be scared to reach out to the network of support you have. You can speak to people once, or regularly, whatever, but you have a choice of any/all of your tutor, College chaplain (they are great in my experience, because they are outside the academic world, but understand it), College nurse, College welfare officer, and then there's the whole University layer of welfare support as well.
It does get better though.
I agree with all of the above. As for walks, Port Meadow, the University Parks, and the Botanical Gardens are well worth visiting. In my first weeks at Oxford I enjoyed visiting every college to see all of the architecture, ancient and modern, and particularly enjoyed discovering the dozens of libraries that are accessible to every undergraduate. Oxford is full of music, and listening to music of many genres might assist. I became enamoured of Baroque music in my first year. The art in The Ashmolean Museum is great.
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
hey! I had a very similar experience in first year and it does get easier. Don't be afraid to let people know you are struggling, and you can seek help from many sources including college welfare, university counselling and your GP. It can help to have someone to talk through what you are struggling with, and if things are really bad the GP can help you get more targeted therapy and/or anxiety medication, if you want it.
My anxiety was pretty bad through first year, it never fully went away but by my second year I was doing much better (a combo of meds, therapy and challenging myself to do the things that scared me) and really enjoying my time at uni. Having graduated now I am so glad I pushed through how rubbish it was in first year because the rest of my time in Oxford was brilliant and my second and third year went far too quickly! So it does get better. The process of making things better can be a challenge too but it is worth finding the support you need and working on your anxiety rather than accepting that you will always be miserable. You are not going to feel this awful for three whole years, but if you convince yourself that you will it will be much harder to get out of the difficult time you're having right now.
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
Aw hey I’m really sorry to hear this. It’s totally understandable. Not everyone will hit the ground running. Speak to your GP and also check out the local health shop for meds supplements that can help with anxiety. Also remember most of the time the thought triggers the emotion so whatever you’re thinking about may be causing how you’re feeling. Maybe find a way to stop negative thoughts. If home makes you feel better then video call home more and use it as a way to feel better in that moment without worrying about how much you miss it. Use those calls to think back to a happy feeling when you’re a bit down. Remember it will take time but you can get there!! Thinking positive thoughts for you.
Sorry to hear this.
Do something you would usually enjoy doing. For example, if you like running, go running. Plenty of green spaces to run to and through in close proximity and exercise is a great stress release and way to escape for a while. As a previous poster mentioned join clubs/societies - something different to distract you and focus on.
Also do talk to someone - tutor, family, welfare etc. It's a very common feeling for first years and one not all who feel it will admit to. Rest assured you won't be alone.
Do something you would usually enjoy doing. For example, if you like running, go running. Plenty of green spaces to run to and through in close proximity and exercise is a great stress release and way to escape for a while. As a previous poster mentioned join clubs/societies - something different to distract you and focus on.
Also do talk to someone - tutor, family, welfare etc. It's a very common feeling for first years and one not all who feel it will admit to. Rest assured you won't be alone.
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
Hello!
I'm so sorry to hear of what you're going through. It doesn't sound silly at all - as others have said, many Oxbridge students struggle when they start, and there's absolutely no shame in how you're feeling or experiencing things.
Are you able to pinpoint what you feel anxious about/what the root cause of the anxiety is, or is it more a pervading sense of anxiety/doom that doesn't seem to have a cause? Similar question for what you are not liking about the course: are you able to pinpoint or identify what you are not enjoying/resonating with?
I ask these questions because there's absolutely nothing wrong with dropping out. Yes you worked hard to get here, but that doesn't/shouldn't mean you have to stay put if you're desperately unhappy and there's no prospect of things improving. That said, if you do decide to drop out, you want to make sure you're doing the right thing for yourself and not acting too hastily - especially as you've made friends, which is good!. It's my belief a lot of people struggle with the adjustment to life at Oxford, but most of them go on to thrive and swim through the challenges very well indeed. So it does get better for most people!
You've had some very good advice here, and I don't have much more to add to it. But I just want to reassure you you're not alone, and that things - for the majority of people - can get better! I really struggled academically at Oxford in my first year because it was so much work and a huge jump up, and my schooling hadn't prepared me for it adequately. Also the modules were almost all compulsory, and almost entirely things I was **** at! So I had a really bad first year academically. But my tutors knew I had potential and believed in me and when they saw I was struggling, they made adjustments for me (e.g. giving me 1:1 tutes for subjects they weren't supposed to at that stage). So do confide in your tutors and college welfare team about how you are feeling. Don't suffer in silence
Feel free to PM me if chatting would help at all
I'm a third year at Oxford, was very much in the same boat as you except I didn't even make any friends there. I'd say I'm one of the few people who it didn't "get better" for, but it is remarkable what you can adapt to. I now pretty much feel neutral about 12 hour study sessions, tutors berating me and not leaving my room/speaking to anyone for non-academic purposes the entire term. Even if your situation objectively doesn't get better, you just adapt to it and end up feeling mostly fine about it.
Original post by Anonymous
this is going to sound silly but life feels so overwhelming right now i just wanted to come in here and ask. i’m a fresher at oxford (so it’s only been two weeks) but i’m having the worst time ever. i feel constantly anxious (not eating, feel sick, fight or flight response constantly), i’m always sad and down and i don’t really like my course. i’ve made friends but i’m very homesick (i think because of the anxiety and stuff). it’s only week two but i feel like i’ve been here for years and i hate it. does it go by quicker/ get better? i also feel like i’m not passionate enough about my course to do this for three years and to feel constantly sick/ anxious/ sad for three years. i know i can’t drop out as i worked too hard to get here/ it’s only been two weeks but some reassurance that it will actually get better would be nice. i’m counting down the days until the christmas holidays every day and i know i’m not gonna wanna come back in january
Can your parents come for a visit at all.It is a big change going to any uni and if you visited the Oxford Parents Association thread you will find lots of worried parents saying their kids are struggling .You have moved to a new city ,and have to make new friends and are worried you are not good enough to be there (imposter syndrome).Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.I was once in your position and a good friend said to me just do today and you can decide to leave tomorrow.This really took the pressure off for me.You can drop out anytime but what a shame not to give it a go first.
Original post by Picnicl
You haven't answered someone's question about which degree you're doing.
history. sorry, must have missed it
Original post by Picnicl
It seems to me that Oxford and Cambridge, as the universities now see it, are purely about excelling at a specific subject. If that doesn't appeal, you don't have to pretend it does. Another university might be better for you. There are plenty of people with very high grades at other universities. I know this isn't what people normally say on here but if the excess of confidence required to make the most of an Oxbridge degree isn't already in you I don't see how putting yourself through 3 years of it is going to improve your confidence. I don't think you'd care if you ended up with a first or a third at Oxford. You'd probably excel more elsewhere. It's not your fault, it's just that Oxford is a very specific kind of monastic education in quadrangles.
Pretty strange bunch of monks given that the students do so much partying and not much (or any) praying.
But those who don't take to the tutorial system don't take to it, and the big step between A levels and undergraduate study can come as a shock at many any of the academically rigorous universities.
OP, have you talked to any of the college welfare staff and/or your tutors about your difficulties? You mustn't force yourself to stay if it's not working for you, but talking with college staff about the problems you are experiencing may assist. It is sometimes possible for a student to rusticate, which means take some time away from the university.
If you had not accepted the offer from Oxford, where would you have wished to study? Is that university still an option for this year or next?
Original post by Stiffy Byng
Pretty strange bunch of monks given that the students do so much partying and not much (or any) praying.
But those who don't take to the tutorial system don't take to it, and the big step between A levels and undergraduate study can come as a shock at many any of the academically rigorous universities.
OP, have you talked to any of the college welfare staff and/or your tutors about your difficulties? You mustn't force yourself to stay if it's not working for you, but talking with college staff about the problems you are experiencing may assist. It is sometimes possible for a student to rusticate, which means take some time away from the university.
If you had not accepted the offer from Oxford, where would you have wished to study? Is that university still an option for this year or next?
But those who don't take to the tutorial system don't take to it, and the big step between A levels and undergraduate study can come as a shock at many any of the academically rigorous universities.
OP, have you talked to any of the college welfare staff and/or your tutors about your difficulties? You mustn't force yourself to stay if it's not working for you, but talking with college staff about the problems you are experiencing may assist. It is sometimes possible for a student to rusticate, which means take some time away from the university.
If you had not accepted the offer from Oxford, where would you have wished to study? Is that university still an option for this year or next?
Talked to a couple of the college welfare team and meet with one of them at least once a week. Not sure I want to think about rusticating as I know I won't want to return lol. I went home this weekend for a couple of events that were booked before I even started uni and I was hoping that while I was away some part of me would miss it - this didn't happen.
I was thinking about Durham/Bristol as other unis but when I got my Oxford offer back in January I stopped thinking about them. Not sure another uni would be better as I'm not sure I'm that keen on academia so if I'm going to get a degree I may as well stay here.
Thank you for all of your advice though
I read through all the replies again and feel everything has already really been said and I would just say it is still really early and no I think going home would not have made anything better,probably worse if anything..As I said before you have a whole year to decide whether it is for you or not.Of course you might be happier somewhere you can commute too even if it is not so prestigious but I hope things still turn around for you at Oxford.
Original post by Picnicl
The quadrangles are essentially like cloisters. But originally may have been less for that purpose than to use a form factor that put the most separation between them and the town (or to look generally pretentiously courtly?). Which was a nice way to try to get on the side of the locals. /s
The typical medieval college followed the basic plan of a monastery, and some of them have cloisters. The students lived under strict discipline. The colleges were fortified because of endemic violence between town and gown. But that was all long ago. Monasticism in Oxford is now confined to those at the small religious halls who are in religious orders.
I've had a think and deleted my previous posts. If you got grades sufficient enough to get in Oxford, you must be academic. Which course do you think you'd prefer? Were all your A Level grades equally good?
Is the environment of Oxford and/or the university very different from where you've come from? I would allow yourself to allow that Oxford looks different from a lot of places, including because it has a lot of tourists. But it is your place right now. You're in a minority of people who have the ability to use the resources and the inspiration of an environment that has had many great (and, yes, not so great but still capable up to a point) minds over the years. And Oxford as a city has more than the university to it too.
Is the environment of Oxford and/or the university very different from where you've come from? I would allow yourself to allow that Oxford looks different from a lot of places, including because it has a lot of tourists. But it is your place right now. You're in a minority of people who have the ability to use the resources and the inspiration of an environment that has had many great (and, yes, not so great but still capable up to a point) minds over the years. And Oxford as a city has more than the university to it too.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Talked to a couple of the college welfare team and meet with one of them at least once a week. Not sure I want to think about rusticating as I know I won't want to return lol. I went home this weekend for a couple of events that were booked before I even started uni and I was hoping that while I was away some part of me would miss it - this didn't happen.
I was thinking about Durham/Bristol as other unis but when I got my Oxford offer back in January I stopped thinking about them. Not sure another uni would be better as I'm not sure I'm that keen on academia so if I'm going to get a degree I may as well stay here.
Thank you for all of your advice though
I was thinking about Durham/Bristol as other unis but when I got my Oxford offer back in January I stopped thinking about them. Not sure another uni would be better as I'm not sure I'm that keen on academia so if I'm going to get a degree I may as well stay here.
Thank you for all of your advice though
If you do decide to move to another university I would suggest going somewhere that is either a modern campus university or a redbrick civic university in a large city. If you haven't taken to college life at Oxford, you might not take to the version of college life at Durham. Maybe go and stay for a week with a schoolfriend or a cousin who is at a university of that kind, and see if you like the vibe.
I assume that you have asked yourself why you want a degree. It's possible to have an interesting career without a degree, although obviously some jobs are graduates-only. One of my friends at Oxford dropped out after a year and became a successful independent film director. Forcing yourself to stay and be unhappy just to get a degree would probably not be a good thing. If you then used that degree to force yourself to take a typical graduate job that might also make you unhappy.
I am not saying do drop put or don't drop out, as only you can decide about that. If you rusticate for a year and decide you don't wish to return, is that really a bad thing?
Are you relatively young within your cohort? Dd you have a gap year? That can, perhaps, make a difference. My daughter was born in October and she had a gap year, so she is now twenty in her first term at Oxford, and I think that the extra age and the gap year have really helped her. She likes it there, but everyone reacts differently to the place. My nephew wasn't ready for university at eighteen. He bummed around in London for several years and went to Oxford at twenty three.
The attached is now a bit hackneyed, but is still maybe worth a listen -
https://youtu.be/luCIbVYDgpo
i'm not sure what other course i would prefer as when i was at school i was only thinking about history. my alevel grades were average to get in here. the environment of oxford is different in terms of aesthetics etc. but i'm from a big town and am used to lots of tourists/ busy places. i'm struggling to find myself inspired by the city at the moment as it just represents to me how much i'm not enjoying myself. hoping this will change.
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