what would you do if you were me?

for the first time in my life, i decided to stand up for myself to bullies as i have had enough with being picked on
but it didn't go well as the students knew how to answer me back
i tried to confront but i ended up being hurt even more as words to said that are painful
i tried to say things that would make it obvious like 'you hurt me 5 times'
the arguement happened twice but they won and ppl were laughing at me

Reply 1

Chumbez

Original post

by luvsunsets

U need friends who can also help you stand for urself

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

Assuming you weren't hurt physically, I disagree. Standing up for yourself for the first time in your life was a huge victory.

It was a victory for you, For your own approval.

Let these idiots say or think what they want. They're just nasty little bullies.

There is no such thing as "winning" such an argument. Not in this context. You don't agree with what they said, so they won nothing. If you had changed your mind then maybe you could say they kinda sorta "won" the argument. But even then they'd only win it if you changed your mind and felt no resentment towards them for the way they did it.

AND. Sometimes it's a war of attrition with bullies. You may feel that you lost, quite badly, but they also lost somewhat. In this sort of case you carry on making sure they have some kind of loss for bullying you, even if you have a bigger loss. Because you're in a situation where you can afford a series of losses in order to eventually make the bullying decrease or stop.
So that the outcome is so much better than if you had just continued to not stand up for yourself so that you continued being a soft target.

Reply 3

luvsunsets

Original post

by Dunnig Kruger

Assuming you weren't hurt physically, I disagree. Standing up for yourself for the first time in your life was a huge victory.
It was a victory for you, For your own approval.
Let these idiots say or think what they want. They're just nasty little bullies.
There is no such thing as "winning" such an argument. Not in this context. You don't agree with what they said, so they won nothing. If you had changed your mind then maybe you could say they kinda sorta "won" the argument. But even then they'd only win it if you changed your mind and felt no resentment towards them for the way they did it.
AND. Sometimes it's a war of attrition with bullies. You may feel that you lost, quite badly, but they also lost somewhat. In this sort of case you carry on making sure they have some kind of loss for bullying you, even if you have a bigger loss. Because you're in a situation where you can afford a series of losses in order to eventually make the bullying decrease or stop.
So that the outcome is so much better than if you had just continued to not stand up for yourself so that you continued being a soft target.

i did it to stop the bullying but it turned into an argument
and nearly the whole class was watching i felt under pressure
i made one mistake as i said she hurt me 5 times and i told her accidentally said 4 not 5
and there were a few students laughing which made me feel annoyed
it is so not fair that i was humiliated in front of the whole class and nothing was done about it from the teacher who was just covering for us
cause the one we originally have thinks that i have a staring problem but doesn't think they are the ones who hurt me
the fact that after that her friends were talking abt me so i hear and get upset didn't work at all
also i was shocked cause the person i was trying to confront said to me ''you being racist cause i am black'' ummm but she is doing it to me cause i am brown so what do you mean?
also i don't get how i am the snitch and a bully when i am the one who was falling apart it makes no sense

Reply 4

Dunnig Kruger

What would you do differently next time?

Reply 5

ViviPanda

Original post

by luvsunsets

woww that was brave of u!! I could NEVER. u should be proud of urself!!!

Reply 6

luvsunsets

Original post

by Dunnig Kruger

What would you do differently next time?

i think just keep it to myself cause i feel she got angry
she even told me 'i don't even know you'
honestly i feel like she was making me look like the bully even though i am not

Reply 7

luvsunsets

Original post

by ViviPanda

woww that was brave of u!! I could NEVER. u should be proud of urself!!!

yeah true i thought i couldn't but someone in secondary school told me i should do it

Reply 8

jelllyfiiish

Life & Style Forum Helper

Original post

by luvsunsets

yeah true i thought i couldn't but someone in secondary school told me i should do it

You’ve done what you can - you’re brave and amazing!

Reply 9

luvsunsets

Original post

by jelllyfiiish

You’ve done what you can - you’re brave and amazing!

true but it isn't fair as i just wanted some peace every time i go to class but the fact that she wanted her friends to go against me just for wanting to stop the bullying and students were laughing at me making me feel i lost and there was no point i mean she yelled at me and the whole class was looking and they are on the bullying side

Reply 10

Dunnig Kruger

Original post

by luvsunsets

i think just keep it to myself cause i feel she got angry
she even told me 'i don't even know you'
honestly i feel like she was making me look like the bully even though i am not

Try the haughty indifference next time. See how that works out.

Then feel free to try something else the time after that.

One good way to think of all this is that it's your own personal psychological experiment laboratory. Where you're trying different experiments and seeing what results you get with each experiment.
So that there is no winning nor losing. There's just different experiments leading to different outcomes.