Is it fair that people stopped wanting to be friends with me after a night out?

I got extremely drunk on a night out and fell over/generally embarrassed myself lol. But now the one good friend I had actually made on my year abroad is ignoring my messages and being really distant with me in classes/not wanting to hang out with me. I don’t remember the night too well but I’m pretty certain I didn’t do anything insulting/aggressive, I was just way too wasted and acting silly.

On one hand I know I’m not at all entitled to someone else’s time or friendship but on the other hand I’m definitely not the only uni student to get way too drunk and fall over on a night out. I don’t understand why other people make life long friends who don’t judge them and I’m just so easily discardable after one mistake. My immediate emotional response is that it feels extremely unfair but at the end of the day I know I do have somewhat of a drinking problem and tend to embarrass myself drunk and I’m not entitled to anyone putting up with that or with me.

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

I think you've summed it up in your closing sentence. People picking and choosing who they are friends with isn't like recruiting for a job vacancy; it doesn't have to be fair or merit-based. They either saw something they didn't like or just can't be bothered putting up with you whilst drunk. That's fair from their POV, regardless of whether you crossed a line or whether other people drink more or behave worse.

Unless you are hanging out with good friends who have a similar attitude to alcohol as you, it generally just makes you pretty insufferable. Which is a problem if you are leaning on drinking to make yourself sociable.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

I think you've summed it up in your closing sentence. People picking and choosing who they are friends with isn't like recruiting for a job vacancy; it doesn't have to be fair or merit-based. They either saw something they didn't like or just can't be bothered putting up with you whilst drunk. That's fair from their POV, regardless of whether you crossed a line or whether other people drink more or behave worse.
Unless you are hanging out with good friends who have a similar attitude to alcohol as you, it generally just makes you pretty insufferable. Which is a problem if you are leaning on drinking to make yourself sociable.

I’m completely incapable of socialising and probably coping in general without alcohol, and obviously I’m trying to accept that having friends/being close to others just isn’t for me, but it does still bother me and I do still struggle to accept it

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Well I think you know that long term drinking to get over your social hangups isn't practical. So short to mid-term you only really have two options:

•

Continue exactly as you are doing, accepting that your behaviour or attitude to drink is going to put off a good many people, IE. drink is letting you go out, but it's not letting you socialise in the sense of forming meaningful connections

•

Sort the drinking out and get assistance for your social anxiety (or whatever your specific social issue is)

Obviously you are very welcome to come back with "nothing ever works / no point speaking to anyone about..." but at the end of the day you started the thread because of your frustrations and disappointment. If you keep doing the same thing you'll more than likely get the same get the same results.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

Well I think you know that long term drinking to get over your social hangups isn't practical. So short to mid-term you only really have two options:

•

Sort the drinking out and get assistance for your social anxiety (or whatever your specific social issue is)

I’m looking into getting help with it but I think effective help for me would look a lot more like working towards accepting that I won’t have the meaningful friendships/relationships that others do and learning to be alone with my thoughts without wishing my situation was different or craving drinking to dull the thoughts, rather than simply being encouraged to keep putting myself out there with socialising knowing it will never work out. I’m looking into trying professional mental health support when I return from my year abroad but I’m not sure a professional would encourage me to further withdraw myself from social situations.