Second year home worries and issues

Hi all

I’m in a really weird and stressful situation at the moment, I’m a first year and my flatmates are looking at signing for a house for all of us in the coming week or two for year two, my main issue is that I’m not even entirely sure I’d want to live with them, we get on well enough but I just feel separate and isolated from everyone else but at the same time I don’t want to be left with no one to be with as I haven’t really found many friends but just acquaintances that either commute or have houseplans already, I’ve found the social side of uni really difficult. On top of this a few external personal issues are causing me stress that’s even making me question being at uni in general.

I guess I just wanted to get some opinions on this situation.

Reply 1

University of Bath

Official Rep

Original post by Ozsu

Hi all
I’m in a really weird and stressful situation at the moment, I’m a first year and my flatmates are looking at signing for a house for all of us in the coming week or two for year two, my main issue is that I’m not even entirely sure I’d want to live with them, we get on well enough but I just feel separate and isolated from everyone else but at the same time I don’t want to be left with no one to be with as I haven’t really found many friends but just acquaintances that either commute or have houseplans already, I’ve found the social side of uni really difficult. On top of this a few external personal issues are causing me stress that’s even making me question being at uni in general.
I guess I just wanted to get some opinions on this situation.

Hiya Ozsu,

I was in a very similar position to you in my first year. My flatmates invited me to come to live with them but it was clear that we had very different lifestyles and I really wasn't sure I'd want to share a house with them. Luckily I was close to home so decided in the end to move home and commute to save some money up.

Its normal to have doubts, and even more normal to be unsure you want to share a house with people you've only known for a couple of months. However although you may feel isolated from them, they clearly want to include you and like you a lot if they're wanting to be in a house group with you.

Its completely your decision as to what you do, and its important to prioritise your own needs and wellbeing. However I would encourage you to unpick your doubts a little. Are you feeling nervous because sharing a house is another big change which seems to be coming on quite fast? My advice would be to try in the coming weeks to spend some more time with your flatmates - perhaps propose a games night, film night or a group cooking sesh - this will help you get to know them more, and help you decide whether you'd like to live with them or not. I'd personally think it better to be in a house group with people you know than brand new people, but you can always hold off if you are unsure and see who you meet in the coming months. Its important not to rush.

Only you know what is best for you, but I really hope this helps - best of luck and please post away if you have any more concerns 🙂

Holly
University of Bath

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 2

aspalax

Worst case scenario you'll live with random people again - there's always houses looking for people last minute because their friend dropped out/deferred etc. Best case you meet someone over the coming months who you get on well with who's also looking for someone to live with next year. I think you'll be ok regardless. I wouldn't rush into signing anything with them if you're not sure.

Reply 3

Chester Student

Official Rep

Original post by Ozsu

Hi all
I’m in a really weird and stressful situation at the moment, I’m a first year and my flatmates are looking at signing for a house for all of us in the coming week or two for year two, my main issue is that I’m not even entirely sure I’d want to live with them, we get on well enough but I just feel separate and isolated from everyone else but at the same time I don’t want to be left with no one to be with as I haven’t really found many friends but just acquaintances that either commute or have houseplans already, I’ve found the social side of uni really difficult. On top of this a few external personal issues are causing me stress that’s even making me question being at uni in general.
I guess I just wanted to get some opinions on this situation.

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. Searching for housing can be super stressful, and not being certain on who you want to live with can really amplify that.

As the University of Bath Rep said, it seems like they do want to include you if they want to sign for a house with you. Maybe you can try to talk to them about how you are feeling within the group? They might not be aware you are feeling this way, and can help to make you feel a little better in your decision. If you don't want to do this, maybe it would be worth suggesting activities for you guys to get to know each other better. Game nights, cooking together, study sessions, or going to get drinks are all things you could suggest.

If you want to consider other options, have you looked into alternative accommodation? Would you be willing to move into a house with people you don't know, or would you be more open to moving into a flat with a shared space? Studios are also another option, but leave you less chances to socialize and meet others.

Remember that you still have time to look for accommodation. If you aren't completely sure about something, don't let others talk you into it. Make a decision that you are happy with, as it will be you that has to live there for the next year.

I hope this helps,

Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography with a Year Abroad Student

Reply 4

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Ozsu

Hi all
I’m in a really weird and stressful situation at the moment, I’m a first year and my flatmates are looking at signing for a house for all of us in the coming week or two for year two, my main issue is that I’m not even entirely sure I’d want to live with them, we get on well enough but I just feel separate and isolated from everyone else but at the same time I don’t want to be left with no one to be with as I haven’t really found many friends but just acquaintances that either commute or have houseplans already, I’ve found the social side of uni really difficult. On top of this a few external personal issues are causing me stress that’s even making me question being at uni in general.
I guess I just wanted to get some opinions on this situation.

Hi @Ozsu ,

This is a really tricky situation and it is always hard when you have to choose your second year housing before you know people that well and you have only been at uni for a month or so!

I would agree with what others have been saying here- don't feel as though you need to sign for a house if you are not sure about it. There will be other places to live and other people to live with, but you don't want to end up living with people you are unsure about.

When would you need to sign for the house? If you have time, see in the next few weeks how you feel. You could try and make some plans with them and see if you start to get on with them a little bit more and if so, you might want to live with them. If not, don't worry as something else will come up and it will fall into place.

If you meet some other people on your course or just in general, you may end up wanting to live with them and lots of people don't end up sorting there houses until Christmas or even January/February next year so there will still be opportunities to live with people. Or, you could always live in student accommodation again next year. Lots of people do this and this gives you another opportunity to meet some more new people too!

As for making friends in general, I am sure you have heard this before but joining societies are a great way of making friends and meeting lots of new people. You meet so many people this way and the people who join are often sociable and want to make friends so there are lots of people here to make friends with.

Another way of making friends is by looking on social media and see if there are any groups that you can join where you can meet some people. There will often be groups on Facebook and other social media that lots of people join and you might be able to start some conversations with people this way and maybe even find some people to live with.

If you have been feeling down and struggling at uni recently, I would recommend talking to the wellbeing team at your uni. They will be there for you if you need someone to talk to and they are good at giving you the support that you need while you are at uni.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.