boyfriend locked me out of the house

21

for about 5 hours on sunday night, mid-argument, like literally shoved me outside, even though it was freezing and i had no coat, phone or anyhing. and now that i'm sick as a dog, he feels guilty af and treats me like royalty, spoiling me rotten with expensive **** every single day and constantly giving me attention.

why would someone act so bipolar with their partner, like, what's the psychology behind it? it's been going on for a pretty long time. could it be an mh issue or something? does he just find it entertaining?

Reply 1

PileaP

TSR Community Staff

18

Hello, this sounds like a really difficult situation. Have you talked about it with anyone like a friend or family member, or contacted any organisations that may be able to help you?

Reply 2

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by PileaP

Hello, this sounds like a really difficult situation. Have you talked about it with anyone like a friend or family member, or contacted any organisations that may be able to help you?

i only really speak to one family member. besides, there's not much to tell, i mean it's not that big of a deal. i don't need help or anything, i'm just curious about why he acts like that

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ciel.

for about 5 hours on sunday night, mid-argument, like literally shoved me outside, even though it was freezing and i had no coat, phone or anyhing. and now that i'm sick as a dog, he feels guilty af and treats me like royalty, spoiling me rotten with expensive **** every single day and constantly giving me attention.
why would someone act so bipolar with their partner, like, what's the psychology behind it? it's been going on for a pretty long time. could it be an mh issue or something? does he just find it entertaining?

Hi, this is very emotionally confusing... I've found some explanations for such type of behavior:

•

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Some people with NPD can cycle between feeling entitled to behave poorly (during arguments or conflict) and then feeling remorseful afterward, showering the other person with affection or gifts to maintain control.

•

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): In some cases, individuals with BPD can exhibit extreme mood swings, impulsive behavior, and an intense fear of abandonment, leading to actions like pushing someone away during conflict and then overcompensating afterward with affection and gifts.

•

Manipulation and Guilt-Induced Control: This behavior could be a manipulation tactic to maintain power in the relationship. The guilty, overcompensating phase might be used to make you feel indebted to him, so you overlook the problematic or abusive behavior.

Reply 4

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, this is very emotionally confusing... I've found some explanations for such type of behavior:

•

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Some people with NPD can cycle between feeling entitled to behave poorly (during arguments or conflict) and then feeling remorseful afterward, showering the other person with affection or gifts to maintain control.

•

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): In some cases, individuals with BPD can exhibit extreme mood swings, impulsive behavior, and an intense fear of abandonment, leading to actions like pushing someone away during conflict and then overcompensating afterward with affection and gifts.

•

Manipulation and Guilt-Induced Control: This behavior could be a manipulation tactic to maintain power in the relationship. The guilty, overcompensating phase might be used to make you feel indebted to him, so you overlook the problematic or abusive behavior.

ugh, he always accuses me of being narcissitic but it might actually be the other way round : /

Reply 5

anosmianAcrimony

20

I only get the side of the relationship that you post on TSR, maybe there's more wholesome stuff too. But it seems like he's always doing stuff like this, or giving you bruises. People always recommend you leave him and I would recommend that too. But you always say it'll never happen.

Is today the day we finally break the cycle? It'll happen eventually, one way or another. This relationship does not have the features of one that's going to last. Why prolong the misery?

Reply 6

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

I only get the side of the relationship that you post on TSR, maybe there's more wholesome stuff too. But it seems like he's always doing stuff like this, or giving you bruises. People always recommend you leave him and I would recommend that too. But you always say it'll never happen.
Is today the day we finally break the cycle? It'll happen eventually, one way or another. This relationship does not have the features of one that's going to last. Why prolong the misery?

i don't normally post about the good parts.. just when i need to vent and stuff.

i'm not mad at him anymore.. just mentally drained. but our arguments are only part of the reason. even if i leave him, i'll still be miserable. there's just something ******* wrong with me. might as well be miserable in a relationship if it means i dont have to worry about finances or being homeless

Reply 7

Trinculo

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, this is very emotionally confusing... I've found some explanations for such type of behavior:

•

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Some people with NPD can cycle between feeling entitled to behave poorly (during arguments or conflict) and then feeling remorseful afterward, showering the other person with affection or gifts to maintain control.

•

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): In some cases, individuals with BPD can exhibit extreme mood swings, impulsive behavior, and an intense fear of abandonment, leading to actions like pushing someone away during conflict and then overcompensating afterward with affection and gifts.

•

Manipulation and Guilt-Induced Control: This behavior could be a manipulation tactic to maintain power in the relationship. The guilty, overcompensating phase might be used to make you feel indebted to him, so you overlook the problematic or abusive behavior.

There is nothing more internet than being an amateur psychoanalyst on the basis of half a story describing 1% of a person you do not even know exists.

OP: He wore a red jacket
Anon: OMG Narcissitic and abusive!

Reply 8

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Trinculo

There is nothing more internet than being an amateur psychoanalyst on the basis of half a story describing 1% of a person you do not even know exists.
OP: He wore a red jacket
Anon: OMG Narcissitic and abusive!

i know what you mean, but i’ve noticed this pattern where he treats me badly at first, then acts all nice and tries to overcompensate. it’s just weird.

but it's okay, i'm not mad at him anymore so i dont want to think about this anymore. in hindsight, it was kinda deserved.

Reply 9

Trinculo

21

Original post by Ciel.

i know what you mean, but i’ve noticed this pattern where he treats me badly at first, then acts all nice and tries to overcompensate. it’s just weird.
but it's okay, i'm not mad at him anymore so i dont want to think about this anymore. in hindsight, it was kinda deserved.

If you're an adult, and you know all your options - you do you.

Reply 10

Rakas21

21

Original post by Ciel.

i know what you mean, but i’ve noticed this pattern where he treats me badly at first, then acts all nice and tries to overcompensate. it’s just weird.
but it's okay, i'm not mad at him anymore so i dont want to think about this anymore. in hindsight, it was kinda deserved.

He likely treats you badly because the extent of your infidelity, screaming horrible things and (unsure if you said you'd ever hit him) have no doubt made him incredibly neurotic and insecure since he's too weak to leave you.

With that being said, although putting you outside was probably too much, he's making progress if he will no longer tolerate an argument and is leaving you to calm down.

Reply 11

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Trinculo

If you're an adult, and you know all your options - you do you.

well, i don't have any options - at least no options that would actually improve my life - at the moment, but it is what it is.

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 12

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Rakas21

He likely treats you badly because the extent of your infidelity, screaming horrible things and (unsure if you said you'd ever hit him) have no doubt made him incredibly neurotic and insecure since he's too weak to leave you.
With that being said, although putting you outside was probably too much, he's making progress if he will no longer tolerate an argument and is leaving you to calm down.

haha, are you for real? i don't cheat anymore, that's all in the past. and yeah, i slapped him once. he's twice my size, so big deal, i bet it was sooo painful right. meanwhile, he caused me permanent shoulder damage and left a scar on my face. so yeah... i'm no saint - far from it, especially when it comes to my old self - but neither is he.

Reply 13

Rakas21

21

Original post by Ciel.

haha, are you for real? i don't cheat anymore, that's all in the past. and yeah, i slapped him once. he's twice my size, so big deal, i bet it was sooo painful right. meanwhile, he caused me permanent shoulder damage and left a scar on my face. so yeah... i'm no saint - far from it, especially when it comes to my old self - but neither is he.

I'm certainly not suggesting any one person is to blame, you've given enough detail over the years to make it clear you are both dysfunctional.

The fact it was in the past (though you recently met a new guy who declared his love, hope you didn't tell the boyfriend) won't change the fact that it's probably made him neurotic and insecure already.

Reply 14

Dunnig Kruger

20

I think that Ciel and his boyfriend might have the joint strongest relationship of any couple I've ever come across.

Their style is to have rows and then make up.
The sort of rows that they have would be the final straw in many relationships. But not in theirs.

Reply 15

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Rakas21

I'm certainly not suggesting any one person is to blame, you've given enough detail over the years to make it clear you are both dysfunctional.
The fact it was in the past (though you recently met a new guy who declared his love, hope you didn't tell the boyfriend) won't change the fact that it's probably made him neurotic and insecure already.

well, in that case he shouldn't have forgiven me in the first place.

i just wanted that 'new guy' to be my friend because i literally have none at the moment. it's not my fault he turned out to be a complete psycho

Reply 16

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

I think that Ciel and his boyfriend might have the joint strongest relationship of any couple I've ever come across.
Their style is to have rows and then make up.
The sort of rows that they have would be the final straw in many relationships. But not in theirs.

the joys of mutually beneficial relationships....

Reply 17

Rakas21

21

Original post by Ciel.

well, in that case he shouldn't have forgiven me in the first place.
i just wanted that 'new guy' to be my friend because i literally have none at the moment. it's not my fault he turned out to be a complete psycho

Forgiving you of your sins and forgetting them are two different things and the impact each of your choices had on him can't simply be written off.

Reply 18

Ciel.

OP

21

Original post by Rakas21

Forgiving you of your sins and forgetting them are two different things and the impact each of your choices had on him can't simply be written off.

he’s done worse things to me, and yet i’ve moved on. so if that’s the case, that's pathetic

Reply 19

Talkative Toad

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

22

Original post by Ciel.

he’s done worse things to me, and yet i’ve moved on. so if that’s the case, that's pathetic

Things can impact people to different extents (I agree that some people these days will find it easy to get offended over anything, but this isn't always the case).

There are big things that I should probably be offended or upset about, but I'm not, meanwhile there are smaller things that most people would not be upset/offended about, or they would have at least got over it, but the exact opposite is true for me.

boyfriend locked me out of the house

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