loneliness during gap year

I originally had a lot of plans for my gap year but i’ve spent all of it at home on my phone so far and it’s been so lonely. haven’t met up with my friends since june and whenever i ask they don’t seem up to it and i get excuses which fair enough they’re busy w uni now.

part of the reason why i took a gap year was to mature mentally but also get more social and confident but my shyness has turned into actual social anxiety and i’ve gotten more quiet than ever.

kinda lost rn :frown:

(edited 14:06)

Reply 1

PinkMobilePhone

Why are you scared of people that are 40+ ?
We're still only people you know.

Reply 2

CardiffUni Rep 2

Official Rep

Original post by xtras

I got an offer this year to study dht at cardiff but i rejected it to reapply for dentistry instead.
I originally had a lot of plans for my gap year but i’ve spent all of it at home on my phone so far and it’s been so lonely. haven’t met up with my friends since june and whenever i ask they don’t seem up to it and i get excuses which fair enough they’re busy w uni now.
i’ve been applying to jobs for 2 months w no hope, so im starting volunteering tmrw instead, kinda scared bc everyone else there is sm older like 40+ and im only 19
part of the reason why i took a gap year was to mature mentally but also get more social and confident but my shyness has turned into actual social anxiety and i’ve gotten more quiet than ever.
kinda lost rn :frown:

Hi,

Wishing you the best for your application for dentistry!

Its totally understandable that you're feeling a lot lonelier than you did before! Often school, or even uni, almost forces us to see the same people everyday, so when we lose that, it can be quite difficult.

Do you have any hobbies you're interested in? Sometimes some community centres will do hobby groups, or clubs based on your interests. Alternatively, if there is a university close to you, you can sometimes get a membership to societies, though you might have to pay a little more if you're not a uni student.

Wish you the best of luck for your volunteering - do update us on how you get on :biggrin:

It might seem scary at first, but actually, its really good for your CV, to be able to say that you're already able to work with people not from your age group, once you've finished volunteering. If you wanted to make friends, possibly have a look at other volunteering opportunities that attract a more younger demographic? :smile:

~ Fatiha, Cardiff University Student Rep

Reply 3

University of Salford Student Rep

Official Rep

Original post by xtras

Hi @xtras

Thank you for sharing, it was brave of you to reject an offer to apply for something you are more interested in - I hope your applications go well!

It can be hard to admit your gap year isn't living up to your expectations, so well done for sharing, you might be surprised to hear this is more common than you thought. That being said it sounds like you are having a really tough time. Well done for reaching out to your friends, I know from when I started university that the first term can pass in a blur (especially if your friends moved away from home to uni) as they get used to a new course, new coursemates, a new area, and a new home. I know a lot of my friends didn't have a chance to catch up until their Christmas holidays, and this is the same now for me as a mature student, but I still value my friends back home just as much.

Applying for jobs is really hard work, so well done for persevering. Starting some voluntary work sounds fantastic as not only is this a reason to get out of the house, but you'll hopefully gain some good work experience, and it doesn't look too shabby on your CV either! Hopefully, you will find volunteering builds your confidence a bit. I worked with people a fair bit older than me when I was your age and was pleasantly surprised by how well we all got on some of these people are still my really good friends over a decade on, so fingers crossed you meet some people you gel with.

Have you had any support for your social anxiety? If not it is worth having a chat with your GP if you feel able to. They might have some helpful ways forward.

In the meantime, I expect you do all of this already, but it's all the basics of trying to get a good night's sleep, eating well - complete with yummy things, doing something you enjoy every day, and perhaps something you know you used to do that you quite enjoy, but might feel a little bit harder right now. This could be going for a daily walk, meeting up with an old friend who is still local, or perhaps having half an hour a day of phone-free time where you catch up on your favourite series, read etc.

I hope this helps a little.

Best wishes & good luck! Lucy 🙂
(Official University of Salford Student Rep)

Reply 4

sophieee789

I also did a gap year and felt really lonely but I didn't do much to counter it.

Jobs: look for agencies around your area - they will have temp jobs which are easier to get, and possibly office admin roles.
Volunteering: it's fine, it's expected the other volunteers will be older. It's nothing to be afraid of. There are so many opportunitiies out there.
Other goals: have you got your driving licence?
Don't let your thoughts bring you down. Make this moment count.