The Student Room Group

Roommate Dilemma

I'm worried. My roommate often offers to help me with assignments and has invited me out with his friends. I feel lucky to have such a friendly roommate, but my friend said he's flirting with me. She said no guy offers to help you out so much and invite you to hang with his friends unless he's into you. I've also only met him a handful of times so far so I wouldn't call us friends, at least not yet but whenever I do see him we get on brilliantly.
I'm quite bubbly and we have a laugh, but I don't see him like that. I told her he's just friendly, but her comment has really thrown me. I feel awful and am worried she could be right and by being very chatty and having a laugh with him I've somehow given him the wrong idea. Leading him on would be the last thing I'd want to do. Is she overreacting?

Reply 1

Talk with him. Like next time he invites you to hang with his friends just say "as friends, right?" this way you make clear that the relationship is nothing more than friends, or at least it would initiate a conversation where you can ask why he is inviting you etc...

Reply 2

I would just accept the friendship at face value if you’re enjoying it. Being friendly isn’t leading on. It’s mean to reject someone when your not even sure they’re coming on to you

Reply 3

I'm worried. My roommate often offers to help me with assignments and has invited me out with his friends. I feel lucky to have such a friendly roommate, but my friend said he's flirting with me. She said no guy offers to help you out so much and invite you to hang with his friends unless he's into you. I've also only met him a handful of times so far so I wouldn't call us friends, at least not yet but whenever I do see him we get on brilliantly.
I'm quite bubbly and we have a laugh, but I don't see him like that. I told her he's just friendly, but her comment has really thrown me. I feel awful and am worried she could be right and by being very chatty and having a laugh with him I've somehow given him the wrong idea. Leading him on would be the last thing I'd want to do. Is she overreacting?
It doesn’t sound flirty to me.

Yes, he might still like you. But he could just as easily be a bit over friendly with new people.

Don’t feel obliged to accept any offers for fear of upsetting him. Establish your boundaries and keep things on a level you’re comfortable with.

Reply 5

You are totally within your rights to be friendly, bubbly, and to have a laugh with this guy. That's not leading him on, that's just being a nice roommate. If he gets the wrong idea, that's his problem. To avert any future awkwardness you may want to set the record straight with him, assuming you don't see any future romantic prospect with him at all.

Reply 6

I think what might have given him the wrong idea is that you're sharing a room with a male stranger.

Reply 7

Original post
by Trinculo
I think what might have given him the wrong idea is that you're sharing a room with a male stranger.

What is wrong with that? It's 21st century....

Reply 8

Original post
by anosmianAcrimony
You are totally within your rights to be friendly, bubbly, and to have a laugh with this guy. That's not leading him on, that's just being a nice roommate. If he gets the wrong idea, that's his problem. To avert any future awkwardness you may want to set the record straight with him, assuming you don't see any future romantic prospect with him at all.

Thank you for your reply. As you advise to talk to him about it just to clarify do you think he is flirting? Thank you for saying I'm not leading him on as I've been feeling guilty over the last few days thinking I have. I'm hoping he's just friendly, but tbh I've never experienced anyone being. so friendly after just meeting them.

Reply 9

Original post
by Trinculo
I think what might have given him the wrong idea is that you're sharing a room with a male stranger.

Not sharing a room just a house.

Reply 10

Original post
by Kathy89
Talk with him. Like next time he invites you to hang with his friends just say "as friends, right?" this way you make clear that the relationship is nothing more than friends, or at least it would initiate a conversation where you can ask why he is inviting you etc...
Thank you for your reply. Idk what to do. If I talk to him it's awkward no matter what he says. He invited me to go out with his friends the last time I saw him and said he'd give me more details later. This was before my friend said he's flirting and I just told him which is true that I couldn't go, but it was really nice of him to ask. I wasn't' trying to be rude, but I honestly couldn't' go.
Apart from being busy, it's not really my idea of a great time to hangout with a group of guys idk no and no girls. I hope that doesn't make me.sound rude or ungrateful for the invite which was nice of him and I appreciate. I just don't know if he's really friendly or more, but I've only spoken to him for probably like 90 mins absolute max so far and I've never experienced someone being this friendly after spending so little time with them. On the bright side, if he is just really friendly I can see us being great friends.
(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 11

Original post
by aislingom03
Thank you for your reply. Idk what to do. If I talk to him it's awkward no matter what he says. He invited me to go out with his friends the last time I saw him and said he'd give me more details later. This was before my friend said he's flirting and I just told him which is true that I couldn't go, but it was really nice of him to ask. I wasn't' trying to be rude, but I honestly couldn't' go.
Apart from being busy, it's not really my idea of a great time to hangout with a group of guys idk no and no girls. I hope that doesn't make me.sound rude or ungrateful for the invite which was nice of him and I appreciate. I just don't know if he's really friendly or more, but I've only spoken to him for probably like 90 mins absolute max so far and I've never experienced someone being this friendly after spending so little time with them. On the bright side, if he is just really friendly I can see us being great friends.

Still, talk with him. You are housemates, you spend some time together, you can talk. Especially if he invites you somewhere. You should lean to communicate with each other no matter what. What if something breaks in the house? What about splitting bills, groceries ect... If you live together you should communicate...

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