Getting over past issues in new relationship

I'll try to keep things short.

My last 2 girlfriends cheated on me and it obviously gave me some trust issues. I'm dating someone new and she's great, she's kind and interesting and she seems to like me for me. The only problem is that she's a *****y texter and I know it's sounds crazy but I can't help but look at her snapscore and active times and other stuff to see if she's online and ignoring me and I can't stop spamming her with texts. She's said it's fine but she's probably being nice.

I really don't want my past issues to lead me to push her away with this sort of behaviour.
Anyone who's been through this, I would love to hear about how to began to deal with the past trauma?

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

If you want a back-and-forth conversation and aren't able to meet up, pick up the phone and talk to her! Arrange a time when you'll chat outside studies/work/whatever it is you do.

She's allowed her own time to connect with friends; take a leaf out of her book and spend your spare time more productively than spam texting.

Reply 2

Amadi precious

Original post by Anonymous

I'll try to keep things short.My last 2 girlfriends cheated on me and it obviously gave me some trust issues. I'm dating someone new and she's great, she's kind and interesting and she seems to like me for me. The only problem is that she's a *****y texter and I know it's sounds crazy but I can't help but look at her snapscore and active times and other stuff to see if she's online and ignoring me and I can't stop spamming her with texts. She's said it's fine but she's probably being nice.I really don't want my past issues to lead me to push her away with this sort of behaviour. Anyone who's been through this, I would love to hear about how to began to deal with the past trauma?

You need to allow yourself to love again, if you haven’t healed I’ll suggest you take some time off alone to heal properly before you get into another relationship.

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

Original post by Anonymous

I'll try to keep things short.
My last 2 girlfriends cheated on me and it obviously gave me some trust issues. I'm dating someone new and she's great, she's kind and interesting and she seems to like me for me. The only problem is that she's a *****y texter and I know it's sounds crazy but I can't help but look at her snapscore and active times and other stuff to see if she's online and ignoring me and I can't stop spamming her with texts. She's said it's fine but she's probably being nice.
I really don't want my past issues to lead me to push her away with this sort of behaviour.
Anyone who's been through this, I would love to hear about how to began to deal with the past trauma?

I have never, as far as I know, been cheated on.
So what's the difference between you and me?
The type of woman we've selected to be our girlfriends?
How we've behaved towards them?
How willing each of has been to dump girlfriends when it became apparent that was the best way forward?
Our attitudes to the women in our lives? How clingy / needy each of us is? How much each of us puts girlfriends on a pedestal?
The core inner us when it comes to mental and emotional strength?
Our looks?
How much each of us have studied dating and relationships?
Luck?
A combination of some or all of the above?

What I can say is that I never 100% trust anyone. And that I'm comfortable with there being a grey area with the people that I love.
And that I don't spam texts. Quite the opposite. When we're not together I got on with my life and allow her to get on with hers. When we're together she's the focus of my attention.
I wouldn't monitor her snapscore or active times. It's not my style.

For dealing with past trauma: time is a great healer. It also helps if you have plenty going on in your life, including a higher life purpose that you're working towards. When you're busy the mind tends to focus on the here and now.
And there's your basic attitude to your self and your life. There's a lot to be said for not taking yourself nor your life seriously. Especially the disasters and setbacks. Today's horrible episode is next year's amusing anecdote.
And most days that you have will be good to neutral. Bad days are rare. Why spend a disproportionate amount of your time dwelling on the negatives instead of the positives?

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