Lost the uni friends I had

It’s been a few weeks into uni and my flatmates that I was pretty close with have all started distancing themselves. One has been looking for a house share with others and the others seem to keep to themselves now.

I feel so lonely and I’m worried I won’t make anymore friends. I have course friends but they’re thinking about changing courses so I’m probably going to lose them too. If feel like crap today. I had loads of “friends” when I first got to uni now I feel like I have barely any.

I have no one to go out in the day time with, the only time I see people is if I go clubbing or to classes.

I’m 21 also- I dropped out of my last uni. I’m starting to wonder if my course is right for me too- I just want everything to resolve and I feel so anxious and lost. My hesitation about my course and sudden lack of friends is getting to me.

Everyone else has made a close group of friends, it feels like I never will.

I didn’t feel like this a week ago, everything happened so suddenly.

I’m going to a Halloween party tomorrow and Saturday so I might try n meet new people at them but I doubt I’ll be successful as I seem to **** everything up atm.

Reply 1

Walbrook London

Original post by Anonymous

It’s been a few weeks into uni and my flatmates that I was pretty close with have all started distancing themselves. One has been looking for a house share with others and the others seem to keep to themselves now.
I feel so lonely and I’m worried I won’t make anymore friends. I have course friends but they’re thinking about changing courses so I’m probably going to lose them too. If feel like crap today. I had loads of “friends” when I first got to uni now I feel like I have barely any.
I have no one to go out in the day time with, the only time I see people is if I go clubbing or to classes.
I’m 21 also- I dropped out of my last uni. I’m starting to wonder if my course is right for me too- I just want everything to resolve and I feel so anxious and lost. My hesitation about my course and sudden lack of friends is getting to me.
Everyone else has made a close group of friends, it feels like I never will.
I didn’t feel like this a week ago, everything happened so suddenly.
I’m going to a Halloween party tomorrow and Saturday so I might try n meet new people at them but I doubt I’ll be successful as I seem to **** everything up atm.

Hey,

Sorry you're feeling this way, I think it's actually quite normal to not stick with the people you first meet at uni. When you first start you have loads in common because you're all mostly in the same position but that can whittle down the more you get to know each other. If they are distancing themselves from you then maybe they weren't the right friends for you anyway. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing so well and you deserve more than what they're offering you at the moment!

I know that everyone says this, but have you joined any societies? It's only the first term so you can still join some. They are a great way to make friends as you'll have more in common with them, because you have an actual shared interest rather than just going out. Most societies have Instagram pages now so I'd take a look on your union website and then look at their insta pages and see if that's something you'd like to get involved with. The sports ones are normally more lively, but if you aren't sporty it doesn't matter because you don't have to join in on the actual competitive side of the sport. You can just play for fun, they have different levels of teams specifically for that.

In regards to your course, please speak to your tutor/course leader or even someone in the wellbeing team to have a discussion about what you like/don't like about the course. Just talking to someone can often make you feel better and offer more clarity. Do this sooner rather than later as you're in a good position at the moment to possibly switch courses if you really wanted to, don't forget though it's only the first few weeks so you've not really settled into your course at the moment. The discussion with someone should help you decide.

Honestly, uni social life can be a rollercoaster, but I know you'll make friends who value you but don't forget to value yourself too. You got this!

Alex - LIBF Rep 🙂

Reply 2

Liverpool Hope University

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

It’s been a few weeks into uni and my flatmates that I was pretty close with have all started distancing themselves. One has been looking for a house share with others and the others seem to keep to themselves now.
I feel so lonely and I’m worried I won’t make anymore friends. I have course friends but they’re thinking about changing courses so I’m probably going to lose them too. If feel like crap today. I had loads of “friends” when I first got to uni now I feel like I have barely any.
I have no one to go out in the day time with, the only time I see people is if I go clubbing or to classes.
I’m 21 also- I dropped out of my last uni. I’m starting to wonder if my course is right for me too- I just want everything to resolve and I feel so anxious and lost. My hesitation about my course and sudden lack of friends is getting to me.
Everyone else has made a close group of friends, it feels like I never will.
I didn’t feel like this a week ago, everything happened so suddenly.
I’m going to a Halloween party tomorrow and Saturday so I might try n meet new people at them but I doubt I’ll be successful as I seem to **** everything up atm.

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are experiencing some struggles. There will be a lot of people in your situation.

There will be plenty of opportunities to make friends across your years in uni, although it might not seem like it. Something that I experienced in my time at university is that I went part-time then returned back to full-time, but this meant that I was introduced to a new cohort (those in the year behind). I was really apprehensive and worried that I would not make friends there, even though I was friends with those who progressed ahead of me when I went part-time. However, everyone on your course will share a joint interest because you are all interested in the same subject - that was my ice breaker. This may work if you are wanting to change course or are worried if you won't make friends with those remaining on the course.

There are plenty of opportunities to make friends either in clubs/sports teams/societies, getting a part-time job on campus or even becoming the likes of a course rep.

Like others have mentioned, I would set up a meeting with your academic advisor or personal tutor so you can discuss how you are feeling about the course. They will be able to talk you through your options and what is best for you.

Please ensure to speak to any of your university's learning support team if you are struggling.

Look after yourself!

Estelle :smile:

Graduate Advocate

Reply 3

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

It’s been a few weeks into uni and my flatmates that I was pretty close with have all started distancing themselves. One has been looking for a house share with others and the others seem to keep to themselves now.
I feel so lonely and I’m worried I won’t make anymore friends. I have course friends but they’re thinking about changing courses so I’m probably going to lose them too. If feel like crap today. I had loads of “friends” when I first got to uni now I feel like I have barely any.
I have no one to go out in the day time with, the only time I see people is if I go clubbing or to classes.
I’m 21 also- I dropped out of my last uni. I’m starting to wonder if my course is right for me too- I just want everything to resolve and I feel so anxious and lost. My hesitation about my course and sudden lack of friends is getting to me.
Everyone else has made a close group of friends, it feels like I never will.
I didn’t feel like this a week ago, everything happened so suddenly.
I’m going to a Halloween party tomorrow and Saturday so I might try n meet new people at them but I doubt I’ll be successful as I seem to **** everything up atm.

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. It can be really tough feeling like this at uni and I understand how you have been feeling.

I am also going to suggest joining a society which I know you have heard lots of times but it really is a great way of making friends at uni as you meet so many people doing this. Have a look and see if there are any that you like the look of as there are usually loads to choose from and I am sure there will be something that you like the sound of. The socials are fun too and people that join societies will be a mixture of ages so you don't need to worry about being older than other people there.

Also, even if your friends that you have made on your course end up changing courses, you can still be friends with them! Just try and make plans with them during the day and try and keep in contact with them as you won't be seeing them in class but they should still be around for you to meet up with.

I would also suggest to keep trying with your flatmates now. There might be a reason why they have distanced themselves a little bit and it is a good idea to try and get to the bottom of this so you can potentially sort any problems out and start to do things with them again. It can be tricky once freshers week is over as people do start to keep to themselves a little bit more but it is still worth a try.

If you are feeling anxious and lonely, I would recommend talking to the wellbeing or student support services at your university. They are there to help you and it can really help having someone to talk these things through with so I think it is definitely worth a try as it might help you to feel a little bit better.

I hope things get better for you soon,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 4

YSJstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

It’s been a few weeks into uni and my flatmates that I was pretty close with have all started distancing themselves. One has been looking for a house share with others and the others seem to keep to themselves now.
I feel so lonely and I’m worried I won’t make anymore friends. I have course friends but they’re thinking about changing courses so I’m probably going to lose them too. If feel like crap today. I had loads of “friends” when I first got to uni now I feel like I have barely any.
I have no one to go out in the day time with, the only time I see people is if I go clubbing or to classes.
I’m 21 also- I dropped out of my last uni. I’m starting to wonder if my course is right for me too- I just want everything to resolve and I feel so anxious and lost. My hesitation about my course and sudden lack of friends is getting to me.
Everyone else has made a close group of friends, it feels like I never will.
I didn’t feel like this a week ago, everything happened so suddenly.
I’m going to a Halloween party tomorrow and Saturday so I might try n meet new people at them but I doubt I’ll be successful as I seem to **** everything up atm.

Hi there! First of all, I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

I just wanted to provide a bit of reassurance. I started at York St. John in 2022. I have always struggled to fit in and make friends, and when I first started here, I felt really alone. I ended up with COVID during fresher's, so missed out on the first few weeks of my course. By the time I started attending lectures and seminars, everyone already had their friend groups. I'm also on quite a big course, there's 250 of us, so it is really hard to meet people. I also went along to parties, etc., but never really felt like I fit in.
At the end of my first year, we ended up put into groups to create a presentation. I was really reluctant, but I ended up friends with one of the girls in my group. I'm in my third-year now, and we're still friends today🤗. She introduced me to her friends, and things took off from there! It took me until the end of first-year to find "my people", but I did eventually, and I'm sure you will too. I ended up getting a job as a student ambassador at the end of first-year too, and through my job I met lots of likeminded people, and have got to meet so many amazing people, which really helped!

Like others have stated here, I'd try joining some societies, and visiting your university's wellbeing team if you are able to. Starting university is not easy, and it can take a little while to feel settled in. I hope this gives you some reassurance that things will get better eventually🤍
-Kiera (Student Ambassador)