Why did she choose him?

Me and a flatmate fancy one of our neighbours, went out on Halloween got really drunk with said neighbour and friends..

Here’s the thing, I feel a little offended that the neighbour made out with my flatmate over me..my other flatmate was shocked too because the neighbour is much more attractive than my flatmate (flatmate not only isn’t attractive but isn’t a nice person and he’s very unhygienic).

It sounds silly but it’s actually getting to me- like what’s so bad about me that she’d rather get with him. Apparently my flatmate that made out with her told her that I liked her too n she said “no chance”.

My flatmate got with another neighbour and lied to us about what she said to him (we’re close with her now- at the time we didn’t really know her)- he basically told us that the previous neighbour he got with “was obsessed with him” and “wanted a relationship” but the other day she told us it was the other way around.

So I’m not taking what he said about the “no chance” thing seriously bc he could be lying. And could also be lying about making out with her bc none of us witnessed it but idk. We could just ask her if they made out but it would seem weird.

Anyway- had a bit of a rant- but I can’t work out why I wasn’t chosen. I’ve been told I don’t make a move fast enough but to me I don’t want to rush things. It’s more the fact that I know I’m a nicer person (I know this post doesn’t seem like it rn but I’m only saying this stuff bc I’m anon and would never say this to my flatmates face to hurt his feelings).

I suspect my flatmate flirted and our neighbour was really drunk but idk- my confidence feels a bit knocked.

Reply 1

PurpleDiva

Original post by Anonymous

Me and a flatmate fancy one of our neighbours, went out on Halloween got really drunk with said neighbour and friends..
Here’s the thing, I feel a little offended that the neighbour made out with my flatmate over me..my other flatmate was shocked too because the neighbour is much more attractive than my flatmate (flatmate not only isn’t attractive but isn’t a nice person and he’s very unhygienic).
It sounds silly but it’s actually getting to me- like what’s so bad about me that she’d rather get with him. Apparently my flatmate that made out with her told her that I liked her too n she said “no chance”.
My flatmate got with another neighbour and lied to us about what she said to him (we’re close with her now- at the time we didn’t really know her)- he basically told us that the previous neighbour he got with “was obsessed with him” and “wanted a relationship” but the other day she told us it was the other way around.
So I’m not taking what he said about the “no chance” thing seriously bc he could be lying. And could also be lying about making out with her bc none of us witnessed it but idk. We could just ask her if they made out but it would seem weird.
Anyway- had a bit of a rant- but I can’t work out why I wasn’t chosen. I’ve been told I don’t make a move fast enough but to me I don’t want to rush things. It’s more the fact that I know I’m a nicer person (I know this post doesn’t seem like it rn but I’m only saying this stuff bc I’m anon and would never say this to my flatmates face to hurt his feelings).
I suspect my flatmate flirted and our neighbour was really drunk but idk- my confidence feels a bit knocked.

Hey wsg?

Attraction is complex and can depend on many factors, not just looks or hygiene. Your neighbour might have felt a momentary connection with your flatmate, influenced by the fun atmosphere. Try to focus on your own self-worth and engage in activities that boost your confidence. Remember, just because she didn't choose you this time doesn't reflect your value. If you feel comfortable, consider having an open chat with your flatmate or the neighbour about the situation, but approach it with curiosity, not confrontation. In the end, stay true to yourself, and the right connections will come along.

I believe in you, you got this! ❤️

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

This is one of those where if we had Big Brother style video footage of you and your flatmate on a night out with your neighbour, there's a high chance it would be obvious why she chose him over you.

Do you understand the basics of how to speak to a woman in ways that she's likely to be attracted to you?
Being a "typical nice guy" isn't the optimum approach.
It's generally a big mistake to try to get a woman into bed by convincing her that you're nicer than all the other guys.
It's better to tease and flirt and have fun with her and keep things light.

You're quite right in thinking that your flatmate could be lying or exaggerating with his reports of making out with her and saying "no chance".
And even if they're true, so what?
Making out is no big deal. Getting into a sexual relationship is more of a big deal.
It's possible to turn around a "no chance" if you act in the right kinds of ways.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

This is one of those where if we had Big Brother style video footage of you and your flatmate on a night out with your neighbour, there's a high chance it would be obvious why she chose him over you.
Do you understand the basics of how to speak to a woman in ways that she's likely to be attracted to you?
Being a "typical nice guy" isn't the optimum approach.
It's generally a big mistake to try to get a woman into bed by convincing her that you're nicer than all the other guys.
It's better to tease and flirt and have fun with her and keep things light.
You're quite right in thinking that your flatmate could be lying or exaggerating with his reports of making out with her and saying "no chance".
And even if they're true, so what?
Making out is no big deal. Getting into a sexual relationship is more of a big deal.
It's possible to turn around a "no chance" if you act in the right kinds of ways.

Hey, that’s fair.

I didn’t mean I play the “nice guy” role but I meant in general my flatmate is not nice to women.

Now when I think back I didn’t really try to speak to her, she came up to me a couple of times etc. but I obviously wouldn’t think much of that bc it’s normal behaviour.

My other friends said I needed to flirt and I didn’t so I guess I have my answer now rip

Reply 4

Dunnig Kruger

When you say your flatmate is not nice to women, what do you mean by that?

Can you please give some examples.
There may be some things you can learn from his behaviour...

And your other friends, how successful with women are they?

Reply 5

Rr600

Because looks are everything, he's goodlooking and you aren't

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rr600

Because looks are everything, he's goodlooking and you aren't

That’s the thing- he’s really not good looking.

He’s a 4 at best

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

When you say your flatmate is not nice to women, what do you mean by that?
Can you please give some examples.
There may be some things you can learn from his behaviour...
And your other friends, how successful with women are they?

He takes their money, acts really crazy/ jealous if another man finds someone he’s seeing attractive.

My other flatmate is a 6”5 guy, he strangely can’t keep women interested- his nickname in the flat is mr fumble. He goes to the gym and is good looking. It’s very odd that he’s unlucky- he’s a genuinely nice guy.

I’d say I’m average looking, good physique, always dress well. Me and mr fumble have joked about how unlucky we are with relationships considering friends/ family can’t believe we’re single. I would say that I have standards so I probably could date someone I’m not that drawn to but I’d feel disingenuous about it.

It’s always the same for me- anyone I find attractive they don’t like me back or if they like I don’t like them back. It’s really frustrating.

Reply 8

Zarek

Dating is a competitive business and most average people aspire a bit above their league so frustration is commonplace

Reply 9

anosmianAcrimony

If you're the kind of person who feels that because you're more physically attractive than another person, you've been cheated of something if a girl chooses the other person over you - well, that could be your answer. Bitterness and entitlement are unattractive

Reply 10

Dunnig Kruger

Original post by Anonymous

He takes their money, acts really crazy/ jealous if another man finds someone he’s seeing attractive.
My other flatmate is a 6”5 guy, he strangely can’t keep women interested- his nickname in the flat is mr fumble. He goes to the gym and is good looking. It’s very odd that he’s unlucky- he’s a genuinely nice guy.
I’d say I’m average looking, good physique, always dress well. Me and mr fumble have joked about how unlucky we are with relationships considering friends/ family can’t believe we’re single. I would say that I have standards so I probably could date someone I’m not that drawn to but I’d feel disingenuous about it.
It’s always the same for me- anyone I find attractive they don’t like me back or if they like I don’t like them back. It’s really frustrating.

Getting women to do favours for you is a good way to increase their attraction towards you.
So that him taking their money, with their consent is an attractive move on his part.

If he steals from them, that would be unattractive, if they were to find out.

The crazy / jealous thing is something that a woman might not know about during the early stages of a relationship.
In an established relationship it would depend. Depend how he expresses it to the woman and depends on the woman.

Luck plays its' part in the short term in dating.
Over a period of 3 months or more it evens out and it's not down to luck it's down to what you're doing, or not doing. And how you're speaking to and interacting with women.

Do you behave differently with women you're attracted to? Most men do. And that's one of the areas where they're going wrong.

Would it help if you sat down and thought about the women that you're most attracted to? And for you to put yourself in their shoes. And to imagine what sort of a man they'd be looking for. And how you could demonstrate that you're such a man.