Bereavement consideration for Cambridge application

Hi everyone,

I’ve been a young carer for my grandma for the last year. She played a massive role in my upbringing and was really a third parent to me, she was diagnosed with dementia after the pandemic and has been living with us since.

Over half term she was admitted to hospital and (quite literally) overnight we were told that she is dying from untreatable bone cancer and “doesn’t have long left”, my family and I were completely blindsided by this having been so preoccupied with her mental deterioration as opposed to physical.

I am in year 13 and applying to Cambridge, my caring responsibilities were mentioned in my UCAS application but I feel that pails in comparison to this recent news.

I am visiting her daily in hospital and feel unable to work, yet alone perform to the best of my academic ability. I have slacked of this year with the promise that I would shake myself of and have a ‘comeback’, I’m in a state of debilitating shock and have no idea what I’m going to do.

At times I think my academics are wholly unimportant relative to my family, I have offers from good universities and could always reapply/resit every year for the rest of my life if necessary whilst my time with my grandma is fleeting and invaluable. That said my grandma is the person who has always motivated me to do my best, she had a difficult life yet made every and any sacrifice so that her children and grandchildren might have the opportunity to lead an easier one.

I just want to give up but I know that’s what she would least want me to do. She is the family matriarch and is taking this the best of all of us, trying to keep everyone else comfortable and laughing whilst she is in unimaginable pain that is increasingly difficult to mask. I want to put on a brave face and be strong for her and my family, for me coming from an academically focused family a large portion of this would take the shape of fulfilling my academic potential by getting into the best uni possible and getting the best grades possible.

I suppose all of this is a rambling attempt to set the context for and pre-emptively justify what I am so ashamed to ask:

What (if any) consideration or extenuating circumstances are available to me as I go through the Cambridge admissions process during what is the most difficult and emotionally ruining time of my life. As mentioned above my caring responsibilities are in my reference but these are something of an anachronistic and moot point - for the next few weeks (I pray to a god I don’t believe in months) the bulk of responsibilities will be with palliative care nurses and hospice staff.

I have a backlog of schoolwork, have ignored (and am accordingly completely unprepared for) the written work submission deadline tomorrow, am trying to be strong for my family, am in a constant state of anticipatory grief and go about my days with an exhaustion and depression I didn’t think possible.

I imagine this message is completely inappropriate and apologise if it’s rambling/repetitive/incoherent (I had to take a fair few breaks). I just feel drained, small and powerless at a time when I need to be strong and put together.

My school has a (surprisingly for a state school) brilliant support team who have done what they can for me regarding my caring responsibilities but I cannot comprehend walking into school tomorrow, sitting down with my form tutor/ head of year and telling them that my grandma is dying, telling them how far behind I am, telling them that I just want it all to stop.

I feel like a child. Helpless. I keep thinking people aren’t like this when their grandparents pass away, that happens all the time. People cry sure, they take time of school sure, they’re sad definitely but I can’t help but think they’re not as bad as this. In the same breath I can’t help but think how self-centred and arrogant that belief is. I think my grandmas special but so does everyone. The only difference between me and the next grieving granddaughter is that I’m weak and she’s strong

Reply 1

username7297041

Original post by Lctovtclrxlrxl

Hi everyone,
I’ve been a young carer for my grandma for the last year. She played a massive role in my upbringing and was really a third parent to me, she was diagnosed with dementia after the pandemic and has been living with us since.
Over half term she was admitted to hospital and (quite literally) overnight we were told that she is dying from untreatable bone cancer and “doesn’t have long left”, my family and I were completely blindsided by this having been so preoccupied with her mental deterioration as opposed to physical.
I am in year 13 and applying to Cambridge, my caring responsibilities were mentioned in my UCAS application but I feel that pails in comparison to this recent news.
I am visiting her daily in hospital and feel unable to work, yet alone perform to the best of my academic ability. I have slacked of this year with the promise that I would shake myself of and have a ‘comeback’, I’m in a state of debilitating shock and have no idea what I’m going to do.
At times I think my academics are wholly unimportant relative to my family, I have offers from good universities and could always reapply/resit every year for the rest of my life if necessary whilst my time with my grandma is fleeting and invaluable. That said my grandma is the person who has always motivated me to do my best, she had a difficult life yet made every and any sacrifice so that her children and grandchildren might have the opportunity to lead an easier one.
I just want to give up but I know that’s what she would least want me to do. She is the family matriarch and is taking this the best of all of us, trying to keep everyone else comfortable and laughing whilst she is in unimaginable pain that is increasingly difficult to mask. I want to put on a brave face and be strong for her and my family, for me coming from an academically focused family a large portion of this would take the shape of fulfilling my academic potential by getting into the best uni possible and getting the best grades possible.
I suppose all of this is a rambling attempt to set the context for and pre-emptively justify what I am so ashamed to ask:
What (if any) consideration or extenuating circumstances are available to me as I go through the Cambridge admissions process during what is the most difficult and emotionally ruining time of my life. As mentioned above my caring responsibilities are in my reference but these are something of an anachronistic and moot point - for the next few weeks (I pray to a god I don’t believe in months) the bulk of responsibilities will be with palliative care nurses and hospice staff.
I have a backlog of schoolwork, have ignored (and am accordingly completely unprepared for) the written work submission deadline tomorrow, am trying to be strong for my family, am in a constant state of anticipatory grief and go about my days with an exhaustion and depression I didn’t think possible.
I imagine this message is completely inappropriate and apologise if it’s rambling/repetitive/incoherent (I had to take a fair few breaks). I just feel drained, small and powerless at a time when I need to be strong and put together.
My school has a (surprisingly for a state school) brilliant support team who have done what they can for me regarding my caring responsibilities but I cannot comprehend walking into school tomorrow, sitting down with my form tutor/ head of year and telling them that my grandma is dying, telling them how far behind I am, telling them that I just want it all to stop.
I feel like a child. Helpless. I keep thinking people aren’t like this when their grandparents pass away, that happens all the time. People cry sure, they take time of school sure, they’re sad definitely but I can’t help but think they’re not as bad as this. In the same breath I can’t help but think how self-centred and arrogant that belief is. I think my grandmas special but so does everyone. The only difference between me and the next grieving granddaughter is that I’m weak and she’s strong

First of all, let me say this: you're not weak. You're human, and the weight you're carrying right now is beyond heavy. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, drained, and absolutely heartbroken. Your grandma sounds like an incredible person, and it's clear she means the world to you.
In terms of Cambridge admissions, yes, there are considerations and support available for extenuating circumstances. Your school support team is brilliant, as you've mentioned, so lean on them. They can help you communicate your situation to Cambridge and other universities. It’s important to let them know what you’re going through, even if it feels impossible to say out loud.
Here are some steps you can take:

Talk to Your School Support Team: They can help guide you through this and communicate with Cambridge on your behalf. They’ve done it before, and they’re there to support you.

Submit an Extenuating Circumstances Form: Cambridge has a form for this very purpose. Your school can help you fill it out to explain your situation. This allows the admissions team to understand the context behind your application.

Focus on the Present: Right now, being there for your grandma and family is what matters. Take it one day at a time. Your academics, while important, can take a backseat for a bit. Universities understand that life happens, and they have systems in place to support students going through tough times.

Give Yourself Grace: You're facing something incredibly tough. Allow yourself to grieve, to feel, and to process everything. It’s okay if you’re not operating at 100% right now.

Your grandma’s strength clearly runs in the family, because it takes a lot of strength to keep going despite everything you’re feeling. Keep being there for her, and when you’re ready, reach out to your support network. You’re doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation, and that’s more than enough.
If you need to talk or vent more, I’m here. Sending you so much strength and love.