AQA GCSE English Language Paper 1 Question 5

I'm resitting tuesday and thursday and I want a 9. Does anyone know if a teacher or tutor of theirs could mark it today, as all of my teachers won't get back to me.

Thirty yards away lay a deceased sheep, its cotton coat saturated with blood as flies of all nature swarmed the corpse in rejoice. Trees of colossal height concealed the carcass from view. The skull was torn clean off, the oesophagus hanging out of its neck socket. Something had mutilated it barbarously.

Mercilessly.

I scampered back to the campsite, my blood searing. The memory of my mother’s words from earlier yesterday followed. It was the first time she’d ever granted me her true trust. Trust to take responsibility for myself, albeit with hesitation.

I roused Zain, repeating his name louder and louder until he became conscious. He mumbled that he was awake and we both dragged ourselves from the tent.

Mist shrouded the boggy fields of Preston, a blanket of secrecy. Rain bombarded the surface in waves: a barrage of bullets, echoing with thunderous might like the crack of a whip.

As I stepped warily down to the sheep with Zain shadowing me, oblivious to nature’s cloak, an enigmatic figure suddenly manifested from the dissipating fog, slippers clapping against the concrete like an obnoxious demon; flip-flop, flip-flop. But it was just our instructor, Mark.

Upon reaching the plaguing forest with Mark now escorting, the murmuring silence subdued my focus, quivering as the trauma of that disgustingly vivid image shuddered through my spine like a slithering snake, immersed in the stalking of its prey. Only now the remains had vanished, the others scrutinising me with perplexity.

Afterwards, our group stood around the nearby lake, savouring our breakfast of honeyed oats and coffee. Fin attempted to teach me how to skip stones, with little success; the most bounces I could secure were two, the savagery I’d witnessed tormenting me.
“Listen up, boys,” Mark’s voice cut through the debilitating haze, authoritative and clear. “The peak is 526 metres high. Our goal is to reach it by sunset and return by 8 p.m. Remember, don’t eat or touch any berries. Oh, and Faizan, you wear the compass”, tossing it at my chest with great precision. Now then, everyone got that?”
We nodded, the weight of his words sinking in. Mark’s briefings were always concise, but this one carried a note of finality that lingered in the air.
Following this, after about thirty minutes, we made it to the foot of the jagged peak; terror hijacked my body for a moment, shivers surging through every muscle, every nerve, every vein. A single miscalculation of a step was all that was needed for the purpose of life to dwindle into a bottomless cavity, devoid of all light.

Raspberries became more rife and axiomatic across the pavement like a field of poppies. About a hundred metres of trekking, and we would be there… the summit at long last!

Curiosity coerced me into removing the compass from around my neck as I scanned around to estimate the camp's location. Just then, a sudden gust of wind staggered me off my feet, the compass slipping from my grasp as it tumbled down the hill and hit the plush grass with a diffident thud. I gazed in disbelief-I’d let my team down. My mother as well.

My thoughts of melancholy were interrupted by the view of a lifetime. Spring showed off its best, unfolding before my eyes like a painting. Crisp air bloomed with the sweet scents of chrysanthemums. The sun radiated across the horizon with an intense flicker of fiery flames, engulfing it with rays of delicacy and gold. A limitless forge, emboldened by megalomania .Trees conquered the valley, lined up in formation, ready to protect; fight; liberate from the sun. With it, rivers governed the lands, providing for it like a garden of sanctity. It distracted me.

From the corner of my eye, a cluster of blackberries grew with an enticing resplendence, maliciously taunting me to transgress in their bitter aroma. And that I did.

Mark shrieked “What have you done?! We need to leave now!” roaring vociferously as he glared at every member of our group: me, Fin, Zain, Abdul.

He turned to peer into the fading horizon for any sight of our camp.

“Without the compass, it’s damn near impossible to get back.”

“I don’t know how much further I can go," Vomit trickling from my mouth.

“You need to push through it,” Abdul and Fin wheezed, the weight of my arms across their napes impairing them. Their expressions were etched with perturbation. Why? They were so prompt to act despite the fact my actions had sentenced them to suffer.

After pacing through fields upon fields with no signs, eventually, a smouldering mirage became more imminent through the dense void of trees ahead: a true miracle.

I could sense the adrenaline subsiding and my eyes being overcome with a dreadful force, as I drifted off into a deep, velvety unconsciousness.

Some time later, I awoke to the reassuring comfort of warmth and serene solitude, and at long last it occurred to me that my mother was right. But I wasn’t alone.

Limping out of the medical tent, I confronted my friends: boys-no. They were men now. We all made eye contact, pupils clearly sharing an empathy that would endure. Right then and there, I was mobbed by them all, crushing my torso as they squeezed with fondness and relief.

With midnight veiling the sky, we observed mist enshroud the boggy fields once more.

Reply 1

Anonymous_Fly

Original post by Fshabbir031

I'm resitting tuesday and thursday and I want a 9. Does anyone know if a teacher or tutor of theirs could mark it today, as all of my teachers won't get back to me.
Thirty yards away lay a deceased sheep, its cotton coat saturated with blood as flies of all nature swarmed the corpse in rejoice. Trees of colossal height concealed the carcass from view. The skull was torn clean off, the oesophagus hanging out of its neck socket. Something had mutilated it barbarously.
Mercilessly.
I scampered back to the campsite, my blood searing. The memory of my mother’s words from earlier yesterday followed. It was the first time she’d ever granted me her true trust. Trust to take responsibility for myself, albeit with hesitation.
I roused Zain, repeating his name louder and louder until he became conscious. He mumbled that he was awake and we both dragged ourselves from the tent.
Mist shrouded the boggy fields of Preston, a blanket of secrecy. Rain bombarded the surface in waves: a barrage of bullets, echoing with thunderous might like the crack of a whip.
As I stepped warily down to the sheep with Zain shadowing me, oblivious to nature’s cloak, an enigmatic figure suddenly manifested from the dissipating fog, slippers clapping against the concrete like an obnoxious demon; flip-flop, flip-flop. But it was just our instructor, Mark.
Upon reaching the plaguing forest with Mark now escorting, the murmuring silence subdued my focus, quivering as the trauma of that disgustingly vivid image shuddered through my spine like a slithering snake, immersed in the stalking of its prey. Only now the remains had vanished, the others scrutinising me with perplexity.
Afterwards, our group stood around the nearby lake, savouring our breakfast of honeyed oats and coffee. Fin attempted to teach me how to skip stones, with little success; the most bounces I could secure were two, the savagery I’d witnessed tormenting me.
“Listen up, boys,” Mark’s voice cut through the debilitating haze, authoritative and clear. “The peak is 526 metres high. Our goal is to reach it by sunset and return by 8 p.m. Remember, don’t eat or touch any berries. Oh, and Faizan, you wear the compass”, tossing it at my chest with great precision. Now then, everyone got that?”
We nodded, the weight of his words sinking in. Mark’s briefings were always concise, but this one carried a note of finality that lingered in the air.
Following this, after about thirty minutes, we made it to the foot of the jagged peak; terror hijacked my body for a moment, shivers surging through every muscle, every nerve, every vein. A single miscalculation of a step was all that was needed for the purpose of life to dwindle into a bottomless cavity, devoid of all light.
Raspberries became more rife and axiomatic across the pavement like a field of poppies. About a hundred metres of trekking, and we would be there… the summit at long last!
Curiosity coerced me into removing the compass from around my neck as I scanned around to estimate the camp's location. Just then, a sudden gust of wind staggered me off my feet, the compass slipping from my grasp as it tumbled down the hill and hit the plush grass with a diffident thud. I gazed in disbelief-I’d let my team down. My mother as well.
My thoughts of melancholy were interrupted by the view of a lifetime. Spring showed off its best, unfolding before my eyes like a painting. Crisp air bloomed with the sweet scents of chrysanthemums. The sun radiated across the horizon with an intense flicker of fiery flames, engulfing it with rays of delicacy and gold. A limitless forge, emboldened by megalomania .Trees conquered the valley, lined up in formation, ready to protect; fight; liberate from the sun. With it, rivers governed the lands, providing for it like a garden of sanctity. It distracted me.
From the corner of my eye, a cluster of blackberries grew with an enticing resplendence, maliciously taunting me to transgress in their bitter aroma. And that I did.
Mark shrieked “What have you done?! We need to leave now!” roaring vociferously as he glared at every member of our group: me, Fin, Zain, Abdul.
He turned to peer into the fading horizon for any sight of our camp.
“Without the compass, it’s damn near impossible to get back.”
“I don’t know how much further I can go," Vomit trickling from my mouth.
“You need to push through it,” Abdul and Fin wheezed, the weight of my arms across their napes impairing them. Their expressions were etched with perturbation. Why? They were so prompt to act despite the fact my actions had sentenced them to suffer.
After pacing through fields upon fields with no signs, eventually, a smouldering mirage became more imminent through the dense void of trees ahead: a true miracle.
I could sense the adrenaline subsiding and my eyes being overcome with a dreadful force, as I drifted off into a deep, velvety unconsciousness.
Some time later, I awoke to the reassuring comfort of warmth and serene solitude, and at long last it occurred to me that my mother was right. But I wasn’t alone.
Limping out of the medical tent, I confronted my friends: boys-no. They were men now. We all made eye contact, pupils clearly sharing an empathy that would endure. Right then and there, I was mobbed by them all, crushing my torso as they squeezed with fondness and relief.
With midnight veiling the sky, we observed mist enshroud the boggy fields once more.

How’d you find the paper today ?? 😭

Reply 2

lukejacksno

Original post by Anonymous_Fly

How’d you find the paper today ?? 😭

I found it ok compared to what was used in the May exams... There was a lot more language techniques to pick from but I went totally blank and reflecting back there's so much I missed. Do you want to compare answers? I don't remember properly because I blacked out but it was kind of like this I put how the writer personifies the vast expanse around the manor, depicting the forest as something alive with malevolent intent or something like that. Q3 l juxtaposed the beginning depicted as her 'nightmares' in contrast with the end reflecting back to on her attire which represents her actual dreams of being in London. That the cream skirt contrasts with the text etc. && just mentioned long declarative sentences and complex sentences.

Q4 I basically said the same things but picked up on the bird 'territorially tattooing' so l put that territorial signifies that the family isn't being welcomed, and that tattooing signifies the unfriendlinsss and aggression of the bird. When we think about the bird we associate beauty and nature, in contrast, this bird has been depicted as something quite unfriendly

Q5 l wrote a story I had planned based on a dog being abandoned. I just mentioned a car in the middle after the dog was abandoned in a road? not sure if it's enough to link to the q