GCSE English Language Essay Question 5

Hi, could someone mark me English Language Question 5 and give me a mark out of 40 and some feedback?

Question: ‘Education is not just about which school you go to, or what qualifications you gain; it is also about what you learn from your experiences outside of school.’
Write a speech for your school or college Leavers’ Day to explain what you think makes a good education.

Dave wrapped his hands around the cold bars that trapped him. Prevented him from grabbing the freedom he no longer deserved. He never knew things were going to end up like this. He was promised a bright future; bound to be rich and successful. All nines in hin GCSEs, passed all his A-Levels, all he had to do was take the next step. But no one prepared him for this next step. No one told him what to do once you step out of the bubble called ‘school’. A lack of knowledge led to bad actions. Bad actions led to bad consequences. This led to Dave, a straight A student, to land in jail for most of his life.

Dave’s story is not unique. He is only one of the many hundreds and thousands of young people like us who are not prepared for the world outside of school and end up taking the wrong path, no matter how well you do in school. To many of you, you believe that getting good grades should be the only sole desire otherwise you fail in life. However, what comes next? Let’s say, you do get good grades and pass everything you want. Do these same grades help you prepare for the brutal realities that life will throw at you? The truth is: it does not. I imagine we have all had the experience of wishing to go to our dream school. The school that will ensure you the best future, best grades and the success you have all wanted since you were young. However, do you really think that school is the only thing that ensures your success? Which school you go to doesn’t change the outside world. Whether or not you go to the most prestigious school doesn’t stop you from having to face the harsh truths of the world. If you were told you had to fend for yourself right now, would you be ready? Ready to be truly independent; no support or aid?

Therefore, it is so important for us to realise that we should not just be focussing on grades and qualifications as it does not prevent you from getting into bad situations just like Dave. No one wants to feel abandoned in this world.Therefore we need to start thinking outside of school and learn more of life out of school as school is not always going to be there to give you a helping hand.

Some may say grades still have so much importance in your lives and helps you to be able to handle pressure and stress in your work life in the future. Although this may be true in an aspect, there are many other things you need to learn outside off school that is not simply about grades. How many of you know how to pay bills? How many of you understand how car insurance works? I’m sure this is not many of you which further shows that having good grades doesn’t mean you are educate; it is simply means you are capable of putting good effort into something and get a good outcome.

Therefore, I urge to you all to remember that GCSEs, A-Levels or any exam you are doing does not define you. Young people like us need to understand that learning what life truly is like is as important as getting good grades. Both of these factors rely on each other in order to keep you in the right path for success in the future. That is when you can truly be described as educated.

Reply 1

kayag023.211

I put it into tilf.io (a usually accurate AI marking website) and it said this:

The opening paragraph is engaging and sets a dramatic tone, effectively capturing the audience's attention. However, it could be more directly linked to the main argument about education.
This paragraph introduces the main argument clearly, emphasizing the importance of life skills beyond academic achievements. The use of rhetorical questions is effective in engaging the audience.
The paragraph continues to build on the argument, questioning the sole reliance on academic success. It effectively highlights the gap between academic knowledge and real-world preparedness.
This paragraph provides a practical perspective, asking the audience about their knowledge of essential life skills. This approach effectively underscores the argument that education should encompass more than just academic qualifications.
The conclusion ties the essay together well, reiterating the main points and urging the audience to consider the broader aspects of education. It effectively balances the importance of academic success with real-world preparedness.
What Went Well
The essay is engaging and uses a compelling narrative to draw the audience in. The use of rhetorical questions and practical examples effectively supports the main argument. The conclusion ties the essay together well, reinforcing the key points.
Even Better If
The essay could benefit from a more direct connection between the opening narrative and the main argument. Additionally, more varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary would enhance the overall impact. Providing more specific examples of life skills and how they can be learned outside of school would strengthen the argument further.
Overall Feedback
The essay presents a clear and engaging argument about the importance of education beyond academic achievements. The use of narrative, rhetorical questions, and practical examples effectively supports the main points. However, a more direct connection between the opening and the main argument, along with more varied sentence structures and specific examples, would enhance the overall impact.
Mark
Score: 30

Reply 2

kayag023.211

I think it's really good you made great points and it was overall very convincing and intriguing, I would've definitely given that 33-35 marks!

Reply 3

tem1

Original post by kayag023.211

I put it into tilf.io (a usually accurate AI marking website) and it said this:
The opening paragraph is engaging and sets a dramatic tone, effectively capturing the audience's attention. However, it could be more directly linked to the main argument about education.
This paragraph introduces the main argument clearly, emphasizing the importance of life skills beyond academic achievements. The use of rhetorical questions is effective in engaging the audience.
The paragraph continues to build on the argument, questioning the sole reliance on academic success. It effectively highlights the gap between academic knowledge and real-world preparedness.
This paragraph provides a practical perspective, asking the audience about their knowledge of essential life skills. This approach effectively underscores the argument that education should encompass more than just academic qualifications.
The conclusion ties the essay together well, reiterating the main points and urging the audience to consider the broader aspects of education. It effectively balances the importance of academic success with real-world preparedness.
What Went Well
The essay is engaging and uses a compelling narrative to draw the audience in. The use of rhetorical questions and practical examples effectively supports the main argument. The conclusion ties the essay together well, reinforcing the key points.
Even Better If
The essay could benefit from a more direct connection between the opening narrative and the main argument. Additionally, more varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary would enhance the overall impact. Providing more specific examples of life skills and how they can be learned outside of school would strengthen the argument further.
Overall Feedback
The essay presents a clear and engaging argument about the importance of education beyond academic achievements. The use of narrative, rhetorical questions, and practical examples effectively supports the main points. However, a more direct connection between the opening and the main argument, along with more varied sentence structures and specific examples, would enhance the overall impact.
Mark
Score: 30

Thank you! I didn’t even know there was an AI that could mark my work but I’ll be sure to use that