Lack of effort for date
I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with a girl, we went bowling. It was a pretty nice date but I knew halfway through I wouldn’t want to go on another one because there was no spark.
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Dunno *shrug* you went somewhere super casual for a date and she dressed casually. I suspect quite a few people dress down for 1st dates, either to not look too available/keen or avoid wasting effort it it goes utterly no where.
Are you claiming she hadn't washed?
Are you claiming she hadn't washed?
Original post by Anonymous
I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with a girl, we went bowling. It was a pretty nice date but I knew halfway through I wouldn’t want to go on another one because there was no spark.
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
I'd probably dress mostly the same to a bowling date. (im a girl btw). I guess she probably did shower and took care of herself before the date, but just chose to wear casual clothes whereas you really tried hard to look and smell your best. I don't think her clothes should be a reason to think she doesn't care though. She might not be able to afford to buy a dress or she might not feel comfortable wearing one. Since there was no spark it doesn't really matter anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with a girl, we went bowling. It was a pretty nice date but I knew halfway through I wouldn’t want to go on another one because there was no spark.
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
I'd have probably gone for the second date but also think that your correct.
On the date front, I think that one of the big changes from decades past and a reason that dating is bad these days is because essentially, people don't give each other time.
Humans are designed to form quick judgements but they are also designed to form attachments with people familiar to them. This means that a lot of people would connect if they simply gave it 10 dates instead of 1 (I blame romance movies as enjoyable as they can be - they've created a generation with unreasonable emotional expectations off the bat).
With that being said, I do think that your correct in noting the lack of effort and what that could signal. A lot of women view early dating as you impressing them and not a mutual impression. If a woman turned up as casual as it sounds I would either assume she's self centered or isn't that into me.
With that said, I get around this simply by instructing/suggesting what to wear. In the messages before the date (maybe the night before), I'll add something like 'wear a skirt/dress/boots, lots of eye makeup, hair down:.
Some women don't like it but you'll be surprised how many do and at the very least it signals that I expect some effort in her appearance.
(edited 2 months ago)
The effort put in to appearance is one, but not the only, indication of enthusiasm for a date. And some people put more store by dressing up than others. A wider issue seems to be a general lack of spark. Also I can’t imagine that advising a date how to dress in advance would ever be a good strategy
Original post by Anonymous
I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with a girl, we went bowling. It was a pretty nice date but I knew halfway through I wouldn’t want to go on another one because there was no spark.
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Anyway- one of the deciding factors for me was that when I got there I was surprised the girl hadn’t put more effort into her appearance. She was wearing a hoodie and jeans- which I don’t normally notice- I wear those items day to day.
But I had showered, wore a nice top and trousers, made sure to wear a nice fragrance. I was going out with friends after the date but even so I would’ve dressed up anyway.
It totally threw me off because I know it sounds silly but I thought for dates you put effort in? I know we only went bowling but I still wanted to look nice, we’re both students so can’t afford to go anywhere expensive.
The girl contacted me through insta saying it’d be nice to go out again but like I said I felt no spark and the lack of effort put me off.
But yeah would you feel the same?
Date or not, what would you expect someone to wear to go bowling?
I’d have to agree that bowling is not a ‘dressing up’ kinda date.
Original post by StriderHort
Dunno *shrug* you went somewhere super casual for a date and she dressed casually. I suspect quite a few people dress down for 1st dates, either to not look too available/keen or avoid wasting effort it it goes utterly no where.
Are you claiming she hadn't washed?
Are you claiming she hadn't washed?
Yeah well it’s not about looking too keen- it’s about feeling confident for me. When I dress well I feel confident.
And I don’t remember putting the girl hadn’t washed I just stated the simple routine I do for a date.
Original post by Zarek
The effort put in to appearance is one, but not the only, indication of enthusiasm for a date. And some people put more store by dressing up than others. A wider issue seems to be a general lack of spark. Also I can’t imagine that advising a date how to dress in advance would ever be a good strategy
Yeah I would feel like an ******** telling someone what to wear Christ…
But I thought that too about enthusiasm- I didn’t particularly want to go on the date because it got delayed by a week. But you know what, I still dressed nicely. People can’t be bothered these days.
Original post by Admit-One
I’d have to agree that bowling is not a ‘dressing up’ kinda date.
I’m not saying a dress etc. but at least a nice top and pair of jeans. I spoke to my sister about it and she said she’d dress smart casual- she’s 30 and 10 years older than me so maybe she’s of a generation that puts in more effort.
Original post by Ciel.
you took her bowling, you're the one that put 0 effort in
Hahaha she’s literally the one that mentioned bowling, I suggested something else but she really liked it so I went with it
Original post by Anonymous
Hahaha she’s literally the one that mentioned bowling, I suggested something else but she really liked it so I went with it
fair enough but if she has a pretty face/body then what's the issue anyway?
Original post by Anonymous
Hahaha she’s literally the one that mentioned bowling, I suggested something else but she really liked it so I went with it
So maybe that's her usual outfit for bowling; do you even know her well enough to know what her personal style is?
I'd say being comfortable in what you are wearing for a date like this is putting effort in; she's not worrying about adjusting her top or revealing too much or smudging make-up, and can concentrate on relaxing and enjoying herself with you!
Original post by Ciel.
you took her bowling, you're the one that put 0 effort in
in fairness to the OP, too many men view the first date in terms of impressing a woman and thus waste money on people that don't yield a result.
Nowadays I pretty much always go for a local coffee bar type thing. Cheap, close to home for fun or the lone return journey and if a woman flakes, I'll happily go there myself for an hour or two anyway.
Any actual time or money commitment from a guy (restaurant, trip out somewhere) should always come after the person in question has impressed 'you' (i.e. your adequately convinced they are worth the effort).
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah well it’s not about looking too keen- it’s about feeling confident for me. When I dress well I feel confident.
And I don’t remember putting the girl hadn’t washed I just stated the simple routine I do for a date.
And I don’t remember putting the girl hadn’t washed I just stated the simple routine I do for a date.
I was talking about how she might feel, even as a guy I understand that women might approach this aspect of dating differently, managing expectations and signals etc.
I mentioned washing/smell because you did seem to imply she didn't, as you make a point of saying you did in your complaint, that's why I asked for clarification.
As said, she's dressed casual for a date in a very casual place, bowling alleys are not dress up places in any way and as someone at least 10 years older than your sister, I wouldn't even dress 'smart casual' to one.
If you didn't enjoy the date you didn't enjoy it, but it sounds like the fact you didn't want to be there at all clouded your opinions.
Original post by Rakas21
in fairness to the OP, too many men view the first date in terms of impressing a woman and thus waste money on people that don't yield a result.
Nowadays I pretty much always go for a local coffee bar type thing. Cheap, close to home for fun or the lone return journey and if a woman flakes, I'll happily go there myself for an hour or two anyway.
Any actual time or money commitment from a guy (restaurant, trip out somewhere) should always come after the person in question has impressed 'you' (i.e. your adequately convinced they are worth the effort).
Nowadays I pretty much always go for a local coffee bar type thing. Cheap, close to home for fun or the lone return journey and if a woman flakes, I'll happily go there myself for an hour or two anyway.
Any actual time or money commitment from a guy (restaurant, trip out somewhere) should always come after the person in question has impressed 'you' (i.e. your adequately convinced they are worth the effort).
for me personally, if a guy doesn’t impress me on the first date, there won’t be a second. but then again, i usually make it worth their time, effort, and money spent, haha.
Bowling is definitely a casual outfit sort of date.
If you had asked her out to a restaurant and she had worn jeans and a hoodie, then sure, okay, you might raise an eyebrow... but it's BOWLING. Who wears a nice dress to go bowling? You bend over to roll the ball and your tuchus would be on show!
Also I'm 40, so... this isn't an older vs younger generation thing.
If you had asked her out to a restaurant and she had worn jeans and a hoodie, then sure, okay, you might raise an eyebrow... but it's BOWLING. Who wears a nice dress to go bowling? You bend over to roll the ball and your tuchus would be on show!
Also I'm 40, so... this isn't an older vs younger generation thing.
(edited 2 months ago)
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