really need some advice, i hate university.

hello everyone, i started uni in september and i think this is the most depressed i’ve ever been in my life.

i commute to uni 4 days a week, as i only live 15 minutes away from where i study. this is something im heavily regretting, and i now wish i hadve moved out and gone somewhere else. because of this, i haven’t had the experience of meeting flatmates or making friends at all - and currently have no friends. i sit by myself in lectures, as whenever i try to speak to people, they don’t seem interested.
there have been many days where i have gotten upset in public after seeing people in massive groups on my course after only a few weeks of us starting, whilst i spend the entirety of my time at uni by myself. i don’t go on nights out due to my mental health issues, which again has caused me to feel different to everyone else on my course.

i’ve tried to make friends. i try and speak to people in my seminars but as soon as they’re over, they just get up and leave. i’m in a society which i like, but nobody talks to me outside of it.

in terms of the course itself, i hate it. i’m not interested in it at all and feel all my energy draining away the second i try and do work. i don’t know what course i would switch to however, as im genuinely not interested in anything.

sorry for the rant, as i said im really struggling. it upsets me even more when i see people on social media having the time of their lives whilst im hating every second of mine.
thank you.

Reply 1

Kiddo276

This does sound bad. If it's your first year, which I've gathered it is. Maybe you should look to transfer to a different course/drop out. SFE/Student Finance always provide one year of gift of resits or emergencies like this where the course is unsuitable.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 2

DataVenia

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

Original post by Anonymous

There's quite a lot to unpack here, so apologies for the slightly "scatter gun" effect of what follows.
• Lots of people struggle socially when they first join uni. I know that doesn't really help, but just understand that it's not a "you" thing - it happens to lots of people.
• The fact that you're commuting will make it harder to socialise - because you have no flat mates to bond with. (By the way, don't assume that having flat mates is the nirvana that some people imply it is. Some flats are more sociable than others, with some not being very sociable at all, and with some being too sociable - meaning you can never actually get any work done because there's a permanent party in the shared kitchen.)
• Given that you're only 15 minutes away, you should be able to still go to any social events organised by the society you joined, or as part of the course. However, it seems that the reason you don't is not to do with the fact that you're commuting, but is due to your mental health issues. Agreed?
• Some of the phrases you've used suggest that you feel it's the responsibility of others to approach you and make conversation. For example, "nobody talks to me outside of it". Do you talk to them? Do you suggest going for a coffee? Or working on a project together? (I suspect the aforementioned mental health issues might make this tricky.)
• However, above all, the thing which is hardest to fix is "im genuinely not interested in anything". It sounds like you might have been better taking a gap year, and spending that time trying to work out what you're interested in, and whether university is the appropriate route for you. What is it you're studying right now?

Reply 3

UniofLaw Student

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

hello everyone, i started uni in september and i think this is the most depressed i’ve ever been in my life.
i commute to uni 4 days a week, as i only live 15 minutes away from where i study. this is something im heavily regretting, and i now wish i hadve moved out and gone somewhere else. because of this, i haven’t had the experience of meeting flatmates or making friends at all - and currently have no friends. i sit by myself in lectures, as whenever i try to speak to people, they don’t seem interested.
there have been many days where i have gotten upset in public after seeing people in massive groups on my course after only a few weeks of us starting, whilst i spend the entirety of my time at uni by myself. i don’t go on nights out due to my mental health issues, which again has caused me to feel different to everyone else on my course.
i’ve tried to make friends. i try and speak to people in my seminars but as soon as they’re over, they just get up and leave. i’m in a society which i like, but nobody talks to me outside of it.
in terms of the course itself, i hate it. i’m not interested in it at all and feel all my energy draining away the second i try and do work. i don’t know what course i would switch to however, as im genuinely not interested in anything.
sorry for the rant, as i said im really struggling. it upsets me even more when i see people on social media having the time of their lives whilst im hating every second of mine.
thank you.

Hi there,

I can tell you're going through a really tough time right now, and I just want to reassure you that it’s okay to feel the way you do. Starting university can be overwhelming, and the pressure to fit in and keep up with everything can sometimes feel like too much. I can also understand how isolating it can feel when you don’t have the social connections that you see others forming around you.

The fact that you’re reaching out and being open about what you're going through shows a lot of strength. I’d recommend getting in touch with your university’s wellbeing services as soon as possible. They can offer support in dealing with your mental health, and they may also be able to connect you with people who can help you manage the academic pressure and potentially guide you in finding a course that feels more aligned with your interests.

It's also worth speaking with a personal tutor or student advisor about the course if you're really not feeling it. Universities often offer a lot of flexibility in helping students switch courses or even just adjust your workload to make things more manageable. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about your experience, sometimes just having that conversation can be the first step to feeling a little more grounded!

I know it’s easy to feel like everyone else has their life together, but remember, social media rarely shows the whole picture. You’re not alone in feeling the way you do, and I believe you’ll find a path that works for you. You’re not stuck, there are always ways to make things better, and taking that first step is the most important one.

Best of luck!

Reply 4

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

hello everyone, i started uni in september and i think this is the most depressed i’ve ever been in my life.
i commute to uni 4 days a week, as i only live 15 minutes away from where i study. this is something im heavily regretting, and i now wish i hadve moved out and gone somewhere else. because of this, i haven’t had the experience of meeting flatmates or making friends at all - and currently have no friends. i sit by myself in lectures, as whenever i try to speak to people, they don’t seem interested.
there have been many days where i have gotten upset in public after seeing people in massive groups on my course after only a few weeks of us starting, whilst i spend the entirety of my time at uni by myself. i don’t go on nights out due to my mental health issues, which again has caused me to feel different to everyone else on my course.
i’ve tried to make friends. i try and speak to people in my seminars but as soon as they’re over, they just get up and leave. i’m in a society which i like, but nobody talks to me outside of it.
in terms of the course itself, i hate it. i’m not interested in it at all and feel all my energy draining away the second i try and do work. i don’t know what course i would switch to however, as im genuinely not interested in anything.
sorry for the rant, as i said im really struggling. it upsets me even more when i see people on social media having the time of their lives whilst im hating every second of mine.
thank you.

Hi there,

This sounds like a really tough situation for you to be in and I understand why you are feeling this way about it.

I would say that the first thing I would do if I was in your situation would be to talk to the wellbeing team at your university as they will be there for you and it is their job to listen to you and how you are feeling and then support you with this. They see so many people with similar issue to yourself so they will know what to say and what things they could suggest to you. It's also good just talking about it and I have found that whenever I have had problems talking about it really helps so I would really recommend doing this.

If you really don't feel like university is for you or you don't like the course, you could always speak to your university and see if transferring course/uni would be an option for you. This may be an option and it is worth trying anyway so you might as well ask about it and see if this would be a possibility for you. It might be worth having a look and seeing if there are any courses that you would prefer, or if you would prefer to move universities, see if there are any that you like the look of.

In terms of making friends at uni in general, I am sure you would have heard this before but I always recommend joining a society as I think this is a great way of meeting lots of new people and making new friends. There are always so many people these societies and most people join to meet people and be social so you might find some friends by joining one of these.

Another way of meeting people is on social media. Often you uni will have some groups on social media, usually Facebook, where you can talk to and interact with lots of different people on your course or at your uni in general. This might be a good thing to look into and it can often feel less scary talking to people on social media rather than in person so this might help you out.

It might also be a good idea to see if your student union is putting any events on. Quite often the SU will put different events on for people to meet each other and try new things so this might be a good option for something for you to try out. It's worth having a look what events there are as you might enjoy some!

I hope things work out for you soon,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 5

University of Bath

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

hello everyone, i started uni in september and i think this is the most depressed i’ve ever been in my life.
i commute to uni 4 days a week, as i only live 15 minutes away from where i study. this is something im heavily regretting, and i now wish i hadve moved out and gone somewhere else. because of this, i haven’t had the experience of meeting flatmates or making friends at all - and currently have no friends. i sit by myself in lectures, as whenever i try to speak to people, they don’t seem interested.
there have been many days where i have gotten upset in public after seeing people in massive groups on my course after only a few weeks of us starting, whilst i spend the entirety of my time at uni by myself. i don’t go on nights out due to my mental health issues, which again has caused me to feel different to everyone else on my course.
i’ve tried to make friends. i try and speak to people in my seminars but as soon as they’re over, they just get up and leave. i’m in a society which i like, but nobody talks to me outside of it.
in terms of the course itself, i hate it. i’m not interested in it at all and feel all my energy draining away the second i try and do work. i don’t know what course i would switch to however, as im genuinely not interested in anything.
sorry for the rant, as i said im really struggling. it upsets me even more when i see people on social media having the time of their lives whilst im hating every second of mine.
thank you.

Hi Anon,

Don't apologise - this is not a rant, you're expressing your feelings and that is very brave 🙂 I was a commuter just like you, and also struggled with my mental health at uni, so I completely empathise with where you're coming from.

I'd encourage you to question whether your lack of enjoyment for your course is coming from the course itself or the fact that you're going through an extra tough time right now. If its the former, then perhaps considering taking a gap year to work, volunteer, travel and reevaluate your goals - but if its the latter then perhaps the key to unlocking your enjoyment again is in looking after your mental health and meeting more people like you - hopefully then your motivation will return.

Your first step I would say would defo be to get in contact with your wellbeing team. Even talking to someone about your difficulties could help lighten the load. They could perhaps arrange some counselling. Here at Bath we have a Wellbeing Social Group which connects people going through tough times so they meet to talk and do something fun socially like a games night or film night - does your uni wellbeing service have anything similar?

Its great to hear you're already in a society. Could you propose to do anything with them outside your regular meetups?

In the meantime, how about trying to ask someone out for coffee after a lecture? You may well have tried this before, but its worth keeping up little gestures like this. And try to do little things to look after your mental health - bake something nice at home, take a walk outside in nature, take a weekend off to do something with your family.

Whether you decide to stay at uni or take some time out, there will always be options for you and you must put your own needs first. You can get through this, and things will get brighter for you. You are young and have bags of time to work out what you want to do and you have many good times to look forward to 🙂 stay strong.

I hope this helps, best of luck.

Holly
University of Bath