How attractive is my friend based on these statistics

I’d really appreciate your insights on something that could help my best friend with her self-image. We've been friends since we were 5 (we’re now 22), and sadly, she's faced a lot of bullying about her looks. She also struggles with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) focused on her face, which makes it tough for her to see herself clearly. She has severe looks issues and I try and help her where possible

This year, she asked me to help gauge her attractiveness in a neutral way since I can’t really be unbiased as I think every girl is beautiful.
So we came up with a little experiment: when we walk to the gym every Saturday, I count how many men look back at her after she passes them by. To keep it fair, she always wears baggy clothes, so her body shape isn’t part of it, her face is the only factor (which is what she is insecure about)

Recently, she’s been getting around 15 look-backs out of 30 guys who pass her (I always stop at around 20-30).

She’s curious, though, about what this actually says. Are these numbers higher, lower, or typical? I don’t know if there’s a standard for this, so any genuine feedback on how look-backs usually go for other people or your experiences would be really helpful.

Also, if any guys could share their own standards or what typically makes someone stand out for a look-back, we’d appreciate the perspective.

We live in London, and she is ethnically persian

thanks alot!

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Your friend needs professional help for her issues and should go and see her GP. Can you encourage her to do that? Would her family be supportive of her doing this?

Someone turning their head could be totally unrelated to your friend and it's hardly something that is reliable judgement or for which there is a 'standard'.

Reply 2

Zarek

A focus on rating yourself on physical appearance is very unhelpful and I’d say that this approach is unlikely to help your friend with her concerns. Possibly even knock her back. She should get some professional help with the issue

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 3

anosmianAcrimony

I totally agree with both the posts above. Your friend should try not to focus on how much attention she's getting or how attractive she is - that has nothing to do with her value as a person. She should try and get to the point where she doesn't really care if anyone or no-one is looking back at her.

Reply 4

anosmianAcrimony

And yeah, some professional help might be useful with that. I've had different mental health problems in the past and it absolutely helped me.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zarek

I mean, generally in the area I am in I don't see many women get look backs (I don't keep count but roughly speaking) so this experience helps keep her self esteem normal. Shes had a very bad experience with her appearance, I can't go into detail but I have never heard of someone having experience this bad. Without this experiment which affirms that she is actually beautiful she'd cripple. She has tried professional help hasn't helped

Reply 6

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Then it's even more necessary that she gets help if she thinks people turning their heads, when they could be looking at anything, gives her confidence. What about days when this doesn't happen? And you shouldn't be enabling her.

There's more than one kind of therapy available and she needs to find what suits her, but she's got to engage with it.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

Then it's even more necessary that she gets help if she thinks people turning their heads, when they could be looking at anything, gives her confidence. What about days when this doesn't happen? And you shouldn't be enabling her.
There's more than one kind of therapy available and she needs to find what suits her, but she's got to engage with it.

No they are looking at her, they directly look her up and down checking her out its pretty obvious

I'll have a chat with her about it

Reply 8

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

No they are looking at her, they directly look her up and down checking her out its pretty obvious
I'll have a chat with her about it

Doesn't mean it's anything about her face; we've all looked people up and down, thinking about them being hugely overweight, wearing a terrible outfit, being loud on their phone... Anyway, studies have shown that it's kindness that makes a person attractive.

Would she listen to you? As I asked before, what support does she get from family?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

Doesn't mean it's anything about her face; we've all looked people up and down, thinking about them being hugely overweight, wearing a terrible outfit, being loud on their phone... Anyway, studies have shown that it's kindness that makes a person attractive.
Would she listen to you? As I asked before, what support does she get from family?

I mean it’s clear in her case that is if attraction because they are clearly checking her out, looking her up and down. She’s not overweight, she’s fit, her outfit is normal cargos and T shirt and she never talks. Some of them even make comments when they have walked past like ‘she was so leng’

Her brother supports her a lot but otherwise since she comes from an Asian background her parents are not understanding of this at all. It’s affected her alot, she’s taken a lot of years out from uni because of this issue. Looks are not important and I try and tell her this, I’ve tried to help her, hasn’t helped

Reply 10

Rakas21

If she wants to test, she should smile and look and then just see how many smile back or approach over the week.

I check out almost every women I see. I'm a single, straight male so it's meaningless.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rakas21

If she wants to test, she should smile and look and then just see how many smile back or approach over the week.
I check out almost every women I see. I'm a single, straight male so it's meaningless.