do you think it's normal for your partner to still be friends with their ex?

I'm having an issue in my relationship where I found out my bf has been still in contact with his ex and not telling me about it.
He knows how I feel about these things and I've lost a lot of trust in him.

I feel insecure as I wonder why he has to text her when he has me.

Reply 1

anosmianAcrimony

What you're feeling is pretty normal, but it's also pretty normal to stay in touch with an ex (assuming things didn't end really badly).

The sentiment of "why does my partner need other people when he has me" is pretty unreasonable. It's a part of normal life to have friends other than your romantic partner, and relationships where the two people don't have other friends tend to get very unhealthy.

Ultimately you will have to trust him for the relationship to continue. If it wasn't his ex, he could be texting some other person. In the end there's no way you can police his social connections and it wouldn't be healthy for either of you, if you tried.

Do you feel like he's not sharing enough of his life with you?

Reply 2

StriderHort

I wrote a big reply and TSR freaked out and killed it 🙄

Short answer, it depends. I'm friends with a few of mine because I still like a lot about them as people and the break up was a long time ago and/or not overly horrible or malicious. It won't always be like that and takes a level of distance and maturity, some people will just see that friendship as a potential avenue to getting back with someone or an inability to really let go. Push comes to shove it's what he's texting her that matters.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

What you're feeling is pretty normal, but it's also pretty normal to stay in touch with an ex (assuming things didn't end really badly).
The sentiment of "why does my partner need other people when he has me" is pretty unreasonable. It's a part of normal life to have friends other than your romantic partner, and relationships where the two people don't have other friends tend to get very unhealthy.
Ultimately you will have to trust him for the relationship to continue. If it wasn't his ex, he could be texting some other person. In the end there's no way you can police his social connections and it wouldn't be healthy for either of you, if you tried.
Do you feel like he's not sharing enough of his life with you?

I know I shouldn't tell him how to live his life, i told him how uncomfortable it made me feel and he understood it was wrong. Imo, it's odd that he feels the need to tell her how happy he is with me, why does she need to know? He lied about removing her on other social media platforms, i checked myself and can't trust him esp as I just feel a lot of retroactive jealousy. he's had so many relationships compared to me. ik its my self esteem issue.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by StriderHort

I wrote a big reply and TSR freaked out and killed it 🙄
Short answer, it depends. I'm friends with a few of mine because I still like a lot about them as people and the break up was a long time ago and/or not overly horrible or malicious. It won't always be like that and takes a level of distance and maturity, some people will just see that friendship as a potential avenue to getting back with someone or an inability to really let go. Push comes to shove it's what he's texting her that matters.

They talk about their mental health and emotional talk. He doesn't really tell me anything about that. Also just the fact he's told me previously (when we were friends/not dating) that he had not moved on from her yet and he still wants her and feels jealous if she would be with other people. I still feel like his feelings linger with her if they remain in contact. I don't think its possible, in this situation, for them to be friends. He definitely has some remaining feelings as he's told someone "he's never felt the same way about me since her". Why

Reply 5

studio1

Personally, I don't think it's normal. If you're in a new relationship, you should move on from the past, even if things ended on good terms. I wouldn't be okay with my partner being in contact with an ex, and I myself wouldn't do that to my partner. I think the main point here is that he didn't even tell you about it. I believe this type of thing should have been communicated to you. He's also lied to you about others things. I think what you're feeling is very valid and not necessarily retroactive jealousy. I would communicate to him that you are not okay with this, and if he doesn't want to stop talking to her, then there is no reason to continue this relationship if he's hung up on his ex. It's unfair to you.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 6

Dunnig Kruger

You should dump him. Today.

You've painted a picture that overall, as a man, he's not worth you staying with him.

Go get yourself a better a man.
And in parallel with that, continue working on yourself, with you aiming to become the joint best girlfriend in the world (or to maintain your status as that).
Make it so that in future you blow all previous girlfriends out the water. You will find that it is actually easy to do this. With the application of wisdom / knowledge / experience.

Reply 7

Kallisto

Entertainment Forum Helper

I know people in my friend's circle who became friends with the ex. They told me that they 'appreciate, but can't live with each other'. I am not kidding you. That is the reason.