Tried to have sex with a guy but he couldn't get an erection

Hi. I recently met up with a guy who I've been attracted to for quite a long time. He had indicated that he felt the same way about me as well. We were discussing the possibility of having sex. We met up a couple of days ago and I was hoping we would be having sex. Unfortunately he was unable to get an erection so we couldn't actually have penetrative sex. If I had to describe his penis, it was basically semi-hard. It didn't get any harder than that. He was embarrassed and said he didn't know why he couldn't get fully hard. He pleasured me with his tongue and fingers, which was very nice, but I really wanted to have full sex. I am now wondering if I should see him again and hope he can get fully hard this time. I am also wondering if I should mention the idea of Viagra to him. As far as I can tell he doesn't have any health issues that would stop him getting hard. What are people's thoughts?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

If he is young, fit and healthy, it was probably just nerves. Give him another chance and don't rush things. He probably needs to get to know you better and feel totally comfortable and relaxed himself.

Reply 2

JDINCINERATOR

21

Sounds like it could be erectile dysfunction, but don't you think oral might help his schlong along?

Reply 3

Crazy Jamie

19

Original post

by Anonymous

Hi. I recently met up with a guy who I've been attracted to for quite a long time. He had indicated that he felt the same way about me as well. We were discussing the possibility of having sex. We met up a couple of days ago and I was hoping we would be having sex. Unfortunately he was unable to get an erection so we couldn't actually have penetrative sex. If I had to describe his penis, it was basically semi-hard. It didn't get any harder than that. He was embarrassed and said he didn't know why he couldn't get fully hard. He pleasured me with his tongue and fingers, which was very nice, but I really wanted to have full sex. I am now wondering if I should see him again and hope he can get fully hard this time. I am also wondering if I should mention the idea of Viagra to him. As far as I can tell he doesn't have any health issues that would stop him getting hard. What are people's thoughts?

Just to make the obvious point first, but it's entirely inappropriate to suggest Viagra because a guy has struggled to get an erection on one occasion. It is entirely normal for guys to struggle to get erections at times, and to lose erections during sex sessions. The problem, of course, is that when a guy can't immediately get an erection, or loses it, that is embarrassing and is therefore going to make it more difficult to recover. Which seems to be exactly what happened here. Whilst a lot of women react to that with surprise or disappointment, which is understandable to a degree, that reaction also doesn't help. What does help is for you to take some of that pressure away by doing something like focusing on him using your hands or mouth, or even taking a break from that entirely and kissing or being intimidate in other ways. But you need to send him the message that it's not a problem, which in turn will make it more likely that he can recover from it. If you react to it like it's a problem, it will be a problem.

It may not be a fair representation of what happened, but it sounds like he couldn't get an erection, so he focused on you, and you both left it at that. You're now hoping he can get an erection next time and thinking about suggesting Viagra. In other words, you're approaching it like a problem that you're looking for a magical solution for, which is the wrong mindset. If you consider getting an erection to be a matter for him, and if he can't manage it then you're just going to be disappointed, I would not see him again. Either person struggling to become physically aroused is an issue for both of you, not just that person. If you're able to adjust your mindset to appreciate that and to approach it in a better way, you stand a much better chance of him getting an erection and the whole thing being much more satisfying for both of you.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

you didnt mention the guys age men over 60 can t get erection

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Original post

by Anonymous

If he is young, fit and healthy, it was probably just nerves. Give him another chance and don't rush things. He probably needs to get to know you better and feel totally comfortable and relaxed himself.

yes but men over 60 can t get erection without viagra

Reply 6

Dunnig Kruger

20

Original post

by Anonymous

you didnt mention the guys age men over 60 can t get erection

Oh yes they can!

Erectile issues are the canary in the coalmine. The early warning signs of cardio vascular health issues.

Health issues where the risk factors are smoking, diet and physical activity levels. With smoking and diet being of more importance in this than exercise.

For a non-smoker, if you eat a typical UK diet, you can expect typical UK erectile issues.
It's your choice what you eat and drink and what lifestyle you have.

Erectile issues may even be reversed by a change of diet - depending on how advanced the issues are, how bad the diet was before and how good the new diet is,

A good ambition to have is to maintain reasonable erectile function into one's 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, 100's.
And for women to do the same for their natural vaginal lubrication.

Having said all that, the opening poster hasn't given us a lot of details on her lover. It's possible he masturbated a couple of hours before their love making session and was too embarrassed to tell her.
It's possible there's some other issue, eg side effect from medication...

Reply 7

surf_lozz

6

Hi I been that guy before and yes it is nerves and performance anxiety...lots slow build ip kisss cuddles... sucks scratches building trust each other will help.. with focus on pleasure each other reassurance.. oh and morning se y time will help.

yes Viagra helps and will make him hard but not long time solution. it also can cause bit headaches and b.ulge in his boxers initially until he c.ums. If you think Viagra buying own brand from chemist after initial consultation is much cheaper

best wishes to you both, and remember he doesn't fancy you any less then he does already

Tried to have sex with a guy but he couldn't get an erection

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Articles for you

How The Student Room is moderated