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University staff have suggested filling out an incident report...

I'm a second year university student and although I'm enjoying the subject and being taught by the experts I'm starting to hate my university experience as it's having a big impact by my mental health.

On the day I started university I made friends instantly with someone who I thought was my best friend, I'm now questioning that. However, I have felt a tense situation with two students on this cohort from day one. I know we're the complete opposites and we're never going to be friends. For a long time, I did try and connect with the two students but everything I did was a failure and I gave up in the end. I have tried to have conversations with the two students to try and find out if and why they have a problem with me, but they go into denial and act as if they don't.

In semester two, one of the two students spoke to me and said something nasty about three students on our cohort, I informed one of them as I thought they should know, it's something I'm starting to regret as it's created so much drama. My year group has a WhatsApp group and recently our group got into a fight over stupid, and then the person who I told what the one of the two students said about him and the other two students blurted it out on WhatsApp. I found out they had a private conversation, apparently I'm a liar and they never said it. And now, pretty much the whole cohort sees me like that.

I spoke to my best friend (?) about the situation and she said I'm on my own and no one has my back to stick up for me, she said she knows people have her back in the cohort and I was shocked because I always have her back, when she's gotten into arguments I have been there for her. The program lead has been aware of the ongoing situation between the two other students and myself. She said she's been trying to take control of the situation by using tactics, although it doesn't feel like that. I had a meeting with the non-academic support staff and we had a conversation about the ongoing situation.

The woman I spoke to feels I need to contact the welfare team and file an incident report because the situation is getting worse and it's still ongoing. I've been open about how it's impacting me. Before the first semester I have always felt happy and outgoing, I was also a bubbly person. Now I'm reserved and I dread attending lectures. Because of the situation and stress I became seriously ill and had a long stay in a hospital, resulting in me missing some weeks. One student was asking why I weren't in lecture. I did explain to the student but the support staff said I don't need to explain why I'm missing lectures to students, I only need to explain it to the lecture, which I agree. I did explain to the students when I met them that I commute and I care for family members. I should also state that I am a tee total person and I never drink but this situation made me get drunk.

I'm giving myself until Monday to decide but I'm struggling. On the one hand, I want to as I want it to end but I also feel by doing so it will create more drama between myself and the cohort.

Reply 1

Not sure if you are seeking any advice or guidance here or simply venting. Nothing wrong with venting, it will help clear your thoughts.
Original post
by Anonymous
I'm a second year university student and although I'm enjoying the subject and being taught by the experts I'm starting to hate my university experience as it's having a big impact by my mental health.
On the day I started university I made friends instantly with someone who I thought was my best friend, I'm now questioning that. However, I have felt a tense situation with two students on this cohort from day one. I know we're the complete opposites and we're never going to be friends. For a long time, I did try and connect with the two students but everything I did was a failure and I gave up in the end. I have tried to have conversations with the two students to try and find out if and why they have a problem with me, but they go into denial and act as if they don't.
In semester two, one of the two students spoke to me and said something nasty about three students on our cohort, I informed one of them as I thought they should know, it's something I'm starting to regret as it's created so much drama. My year group has a WhatsApp group and recently our group got into a fight over stupid, and then the person who I told what the one of the two students said about him and the other two students blurted it out on WhatsApp. I found out they had a private conversation, apparently I'm a liar and they never said it. And now, pretty much the whole cohort sees me like that.
I spoke to my best friend (?) about the situation and she said I'm on my own and no one has my back to stick up for me, she said she knows people have her back in the cohort and I was shocked because I always have her back, when she's gotten into arguments I have been there for her. The program lead has been aware of the ongoing situation between the two other students and myself. She said she's been trying to take control of the situation by using tactics, although it doesn't feel like that. I had a meeting with the non-academic support staff and we had a conversation about the ongoing situation.
The woman I spoke to feels I need to contact the welfare team and file an incident report because the situation is getting worse and it's still ongoing. I've been open about how it's impacting me. Before the first semester I have always felt happy and outgoing, I was also a bubbly person. Now I'm reserved and I dread attending lectures. Because of the situation and stress I became seriously ill and had a long stay in a hospital, resulting in me missing some weeks. One student was asking why I weren't in lecture. I did explain to the student but the support staff said I don't need to explain why I'm missing lectures to students, I only need to explain it to the lecture, which I agree. I did explain to the students when I met them that I commute and I care for family members. I should also state that I am a tee total person and I never drink but this situation made me get drunk.
I'm giving myself until Monday to decide but I'm struggling. On the one hand, I want to as I want it to end but I also feel by doing so it will create more drama between myself and the cohort.

Hi Anon,

First of all, please try not to be worried about this. Tension between new groups of people are normal parts of life and whilst they can be stressful, these things never last and rest assured you have not done anything wrong to deserve this treatment.

If things are difficult with your course cohort at the moment, have you tried joining a couple of societies? It sounds to me like you're someone who is bubbly and can connect with people well, so meeting people from other courses with similar interests to you might be really good for you!

In terms of the current situation - this is only a suggestion if you feel comfortable - I would consider approaching the first student who said the cruel thing and explaining that you did not intend for the situation to escalate, you just felt it was right for you to tell said person because you found what they said unkind. Perhaps explain that you did not intend for all of this animosity, apologise and ask if you can move on? Even if this is completely not your fault, you can be the bigger person here and it might help you to move on.

I would add that something like this should not be a barrier for you to get what you want out of your course and your uni experience. If you are enjoying what you are learning then I am sure you will do very well academically, and you should not let a situation like this take that away from you.

I hope this helps, best wishes!

Holly
University of Bath
(edited 1 year ago)

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