What to do if you're undesirable to guys?
18F
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
Reply 1
20
Don't change anything about yourself to attract people, whether it's for a friendship or a relationship. You'll be found out as inauthentic and it's too exhausting keeping up a different image. They should like you for you.
Anyway, you are still young and barely of an age to be dating. Why are you so desperate to have a boyfriend? Stay offline, put your efforts into study or work and do some activities where you'll meet like-minded people in real life who you can start by being friends with. I had graduated and was several years into work before I met my boyfriend.
Anyway, you are still young and barely of an age to be dating. Why are you so desperate to have a boyfriend? Stay offline, put your efforts into study or work and do some activities where you'll meet like-minded people in real life who you can start by being friends with. I had graduated and was several years into work before I met my boyfriend.
Reply 2
21
So unless you have model like looks and/or a magnetic personality, which is the minority of people, it doesn’t land on a plate. It’s about tenacity and patience. Play to your strengths, work on weaknesses, get advice from more successful friends, go to places where singles hang out, flirt widely, learn from setbacks and keep going. From what you describe you’re doing ok, it’s just about finding a good person
Reply 3
Whilst it would be nice - in a flattering, ego boosting kind of way - for men to approach you instead of you doing the work; it wouldn't actually be better.
With you doing the work, you're more in control, more proactive, and when done right you're more in the choosing role. With it generally being better to be the chooser instead of the chosen.
Read Argov's Why Men Love *****es. It's a misleadingly titled book as the behaviour advised in the book isn't that of a ***** at all. It's the behaviour of a pleasant, good fun to be with woman that's assertive and isn't a doormat nor a pushover.
You have the foundations to have a great dating life.
Watch some videos from leading dating coaches on how to approach (eg Todd V, Dan Bacon). Most of them will be geared towards men approaching women, but the advice and guidance can be used to great effect for women approaching men.
Approaching in an incompetent way is a recipe for disappointment and frustration.
Approaching in a competent way is a recipe for success.
Do you think the bullying is still affecting you?
I really hate bullies. It's worth reminding yourself that when you were bullied, the issue was with the bullies, not you.
Every 18 to 20 year old man that I've come across, including myself, has been a rather sub-optimum boyfriend. With the lack of maturity showing through in how they interact with women. IE don't expect them to be to be the finished article. Your laid back attitude and ability to laugh at things will help a lot with dealing with the drama that they will inject into your life.
For your appearance, do whatever's best for you. A combination of most practical and what you like the look of on yourself. Mixed with a bit of pragmatism. As in; a well fitting thigh length dress will be more eye-catching than baggy jeans and an oversized hoodie.
With you doing the work, you're more in control, more proactive, and when done right you're more in the choosing role. With it generally being better to be the chooser instead of the chosen.
Read Argov's Why Men Love *****es. It's a misleadingly titled book as the behaviour advised in the book isn't that of a ***** at all. It's the behaviour of a pleasant, good fun to be with woman that's assertive and isn't a doormat nor a pushover.
You have the foundations to have a great dating life.
Watch some videos from leading dating coaches on how to approach (eg Todd V, Dan Bacon). Most of them will be geared towards men approaching women, but the advice and guidance can be used to great effect for women approaching men.
Approaching in an incompetent way is a recipe for disappointment and frustration.
Approaching in a competent way is a recipe for success.
Do you think the bullying is still affecting you?
I really hate bullies. It's worth reminding yourself that when you were bullied, the issue was with the bullies, not you.
Every 18 to 20 year old man that I've come across, including myself, has been a rather sub-optimum boyfriend. With the lack of maturity showing through in how they interact with women. IE don't expect them to be to be the finished article. Your laid back attitude and ability to laugh at things will help a lot with dealing with the drama that they will inject into your life.
For your appearance, do whatever's best for you. A combination of most practical and what you like the look of on yourself. Mixed with a bit of pragmatism. As in; a well fitting thigh length dress will be more eye-catching than baggy jeans and an oversized hoodie.
Reply 4
20
Original post
by jolyy1018F
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
Firstly, it's not unusual to be 18 and not have any romantic or sexual experience. Especially these days: young people are starting later and having fewer sexual and romantic partners than previous generations.
Secondly, you're clearly not undesirable to guys if you're getting attention online. Fewer and fewer men are approaching women in person (I'm referring to cold approaches, not amongst friend or acquaintance groups), so lots of women aren't getting approached. And if the guys just want to have sex, and you want a relationship, is not getting approached a bad thing?
How often do you hand around in mixed-sex groups?
Reply 5
As Smack says you're clearly attractive, so I doubt it's a problem at all. When you were preparing for prom, did you ask anyone out yourself?
Reply 6
21
Original post
by jolyy1018F
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
Smack and Dunnig are correct.
The fact that men wish to sleep with you means your not undesirable and the problem is not physical.
As Dunnig notes, your not really missing much if you wish to date guys your own age.
Get online, set by distance, swipe with every man regardless of looks (100 should be enough for a woman) and then select the top 10 from your pool of matches and then see who's left once you've ignored anybody who doesn't want commitment. With the remaining few people go on 10 dates with each and you'll likely to attached to one of them.
Reply 7
jolyy10
OP
1
Original post
by DoomotronAs Smack says you're clearly attractive, so I doubt it's a problem at all. When you were preparing for prom, did you ask anyone out yourself?
No honestly i was way too scared. As i said guys kept bullying me and i felt really undesirable
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 8
jolyy10
OP
1
Original post
by Rakas21Smack and Dunnig are correct.
The fact that men wish to sleep with you means your not undesirable and the problem is not physical.
As Dunnig notes, your not really missing much if you wish to date guys your own age.
Get online, set by distance, swipe with every man regardless of looks (100 should be enough for a woman) and then select the top 10 from your pool of matches and then see who's left once you've ignored anybody who doesn't want commitment. With the remaining few people go on 10 dates with each and you'll likely to attached to one of them.
The fact that men wish to sleep with you means your not undesirable and the problem is not physical.
As Dunnig notes, your not really missing much if you wish to date guys your own age.
Get online, set by distance, swipe with every man regardless of looks (100 should be enough for a woman) and then select the top 10 from your pool of matches and then see who's left once you've ignored anybody who doesn't want commitment. With the remaining few people go on 10 dates with each and you'll likely to attached to one of them.
Don't men wanna sleep with everyone? If guys just wanna **** but don't wanna date me i wouldn't take this as a compliment ☹️ if anything it makes me feel very gross
Reply 9
Original post
by jolyy10Don't men wanna sleep with everyone? If guys just wanna **** but don't wanna date me i wouldn't take this as a compliment ☹️ if anything it makes me feel very gross
No, most men don't have an insatiable desire to constantly have sex.
Reply 10
21
Original post
by jolyy10Don't men wanna sleep with everyone? If guys just wanna **** but don't wanna date me i wouldn't take this as a compliment ☹️ if anything it makes me feel very gross
Most men have some standards even if less than women.
Reply 11
jolyy10
OP
1
Original post
by DoomotronNo, most men don't have an insatiable desire to constantly have sex.
It just feels so dehumanizing
Reply 12
jolyy10
OP
1
Original post
by Rakas21Most men have some standards even if less than women.
Honestly it just reinforces the idea that im undesirable. Just wanna be pumped dumped but not approached, kissed etc like every other girl..
Reply 13
Original post
by jolyy1018F
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
I never kissed someone, never dated, still a virgin, went to prom single cause 0 guys asked me out
I get a lot of compliments from strangers of the same sex so i know i'm not "ugly"
But when it comes to men i get nothing. I got bullied by a lot of them and they would only talk to my friends and date them. I don't get approached but only get stared at and when i stare back to give them a hint or try to talk to them they just ignore me like i don't exist. Obv i don't wanna be forceful so i give up
I have a big butt so the few that gave me attention just wanted to **** me and would rather date other girls while keeping me for sex. Kind of heart wrenching
I do get male attention online but 90% of the guys are way too old for me (over 20 or too young like under 16) and i know there's a good bunch that just want to **** or want me to send them nudes (at least that's what happened to me)
If you want a physical description of me then i'm short, skinny with some curves and medium deep skin. My face is diamond shaped with medium sized and round eyes (they're kind of slanted tho) with full lips. My look alikes are Samantha Logan and Kat Graham
I tend to switch a lot from my big afro, straight hair, braids..still the same
Personality wise im mostly laid back. I don't take things seriously and im just here for a good laugh
What should i do? What should i change about my appearance? Cause even approaching men doesn't seem to work for me. And honestly as a girl it would be nice to be the one approached for once instead of always doing the work. I'm jealous of other women who can get a bf so easily
Hello Jolyy10!
It is up to you to traverse your emotional terrain. It's critical to recognise that your inner self is the foundation of your value. As you develop, you'll attract others who value your special talents and attributes. You will discover someone who appreciates and respects you for who you are when you are unabashedly yourself.
He will value your genuineness above your fakery. It's feasible, but it could take some time.
Don't alter who you are to conform to the expectations of others; instead, embrace who you really are.
Develop a positive outlook and self-love. You can be surprised by life at any time.
💥That somebody is waiting for you; you deserve someone who recognises and values your true self.💥
Kind regards from Italy,
Sandro
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