The Student Room Group

Very difficult situation (relationships)

I need some help or advice on my situation and I’m not sure where to start coz there’s sm to say but anything would be greatly appreciated. I’m white and I’m dating my bf who’s black, my parents have an issue with this and they told me things I will get onto soon. Firstly rn he’s having a year abroad so we only get to see each other on ft but when he comes back for uni he’d obvs want me to stay over sometimes and to come and visit him but the train tickets are a bit expensive and I don’t have a part time job and its been so hard to get a job. My mum said that the only way she sees us working out is if we both get jobs and a place somewhere together. I’m graduating the commencing summer and it would be highly unlikely that I get a place of my own but I’m hoping on the job. I also want to get into teaching which I would need to also consider coz I need to go to uni for that too. My parents said that the door is open for me and would basically kick me out if I choose to stay over at his and the lines are blurry when it comes to me even being able to see him and my mum said that I should just lie about where I’m going but still it would require me coming back home late and it feels like he’d find out anyway. And when that happens idk if I’d be able to argue w my dad about it or to separate w my bf. I also dk if this risk of me being kicked out starts from the first time I go out or not but my mum said she’s not gonna take any side and that the situation is only gonna get worse. She says in the event I leave then there’s no way for me to come back and I’d have to face the consequences for not seeing my parents, siblings, obvs being on my own and in the event that we break up I’d have to deal w it all myself. Also in the far future I’d hope my parents realise they r wrong and would come to our wedding and eventually kids but it is just insane and wild that the risk is so huge purely because I chose to date someone who isn’t white and it’s extremely unfair and a hard situation to be in and we’re both powerless about it but my bf is willing to see how it goes and is asking me what I should do and hence I’m coming on here because Deep down I want to try but I feel I won’t realise the consequences until its done and idk what to think or feel about it I just feel like avoiding it and putting it to the back of my mind. He also is certain he doesn’t want to do long distance any longer if we’re already gonna be a year in coz of the year abroad and he feels it’s unfair to stick by the rules of others if he’s gonna be grown and we’re both gonna be 21 dealing with this. Also background on my parents, my mum is an on/off alcoholic and my (step) dad hasn’t ever been actively present in my life and it doesn’t feel like I’ve got a father and I was going to move out anyway as soon as possible but I’m just in a hurry coz now I have to think about my bf as well. I also believe we’re soulmates because of some things that just happened in the past that just happened for a reason and I just know after him I don’t want anyone else and it may sound one way or the other to u guys but pls consider this. I think I covered everything important but if not I’ll chat reply it but if u have anything you would like to say about this pls do coz I’d like some advice. What are ur thoughts, should I stay?.
Original post by ichigoxo
I need some help or advice on my situation and I’m not sure where to start coz there’s sm to say but anything would be greatly appreciated. I’m white and I’m dating my bf who’s black, my parents have an issue with this and they told me things I will get onto soon. Firstly rn he’s having a year abroad so we only get to see each other on ft but when he comes back for uni he’d obvs want me to stay over sometimes and to come and visit him but the train tickets are a bit expensive and I don’t have a part time job and its been so hard to get a job. My mum said that the only way she sees us working out is if we both get jobs and a place somewhere together. I’m graduating the commencing summer and it would be highly unlikely that I get a place of my own but I’m hoping on the job. I also want to get into teaching which I would need to also consider coz I need to go to uni for that too. My parents said that the door is open for me and would basically kick me out if I choose to stay over at his and the lines are blurry when it comes to me even being able to see him and my mum said that I should just lie about where I’m going but still it would require me coming back home late and it feels like he’d find out anyway. And when that happens idk if I’d be able to argue w my dad about it or to separate w my bf. I also dk if this risk of me being kicked out starts from the first time I go out or not but my mum said she’s not gonna take any side and that the situation is only gonna get worse. She says in the event I leave then there’s no way for me to come back and I’d have to face the consequences for not seeing my parents, siblings, obvs being on my own and in the event that we break up I’d have to deal w it all myself. Also in the far future I’d hope my parents realise they r wrong and would come to our wedding and eventually kids but it is just insane and wild that the risk is so huge purely because I chose to date someone who isn’t white and it’s extremely unfair and a hard situation to be in and we’re both powerless about it but my bf is willing to see how it goes and is asking me what I should do and hence I’m coming on here because Deep down I want to try but I feel I won’t realise the consequences until its done and idk what to think or feel about it I just feel like avoiding it and putting it to the back of my mind. He also is certain he doesn’t want to do long distance any longer if we’re already gonna be a year in coz of the year abroad and he feels it’s unfair to stick by the rules of others if he’s gonna be grown and we’re both gonna be 21 dealing with this. Also background on my parents, my mum is an on/off alcoholic and my (step) dad hasn’t ever been actively present in my life and it doesn’t feel like I’ve got a father and I was going to move out anyway as soon as possible but I’m just in a hurry coz now I have to think about my bf as well. I also believe we’re soulmates because of some things that just happened in the past that just happened for a reason and I just know after him I don’t want anyone else and it may sound one way or the other to u guys but pls consider this. I think I covered everything important but if not I’ll chat reply it but if u have anything you would like to say about this pls do coz I’d like some advice. What are ur thoughts, should I stay?.
Hi! This seems to be a very serious situation and I hope both you and your boyfriend are ok. I would honestly recommend reaching out to an advice column, a professional one of course, for example heres the woman from the Guardian: mailto: [email protected], this situation seems very complicated and I think an opportunity for free advice with more merit than on The Student Room would be beneficial. I wish you the best.

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