The TSR Community Awards 2025 are now live >>

struggling to start any relationship

So I'm the kind of person who's a hopeless romantic, and I would love to be in a relationship with someone I care for, but it's like I'm blocked and I can never go anywhere with anyone. What I mean is, for example, a guy will show interest in me, and I immediately shoot him down. Maybe because I don't think he's attractive, but even in times where there is literally no reason to, I just freak out and say no. I can't imagine myself going on dates with guys because I feel like it'd be too awkward, and yet everyone around me seems to be fine with just hitting on a guy they think is attractive, or going on dates with some girl/guy they met at a party.

That's one part of it.

I have gone on one date before, with a guy I had a crush on and he liked me back, but it was so damn awkward, and afterwards, even though I tried to just talk with him, he was so quiet and didn't reciprocate. I think that was just a him thing, being too anxious, idk exactly, but I just moved on after that because I'm not going to waste my time with someone who's not doing anything. But at the same time, I just think like, is everything going to turn out that way...? It takes me forever to actually get a crush on someone, and then they turn out like that?

Finally, I have a desire to be intimate with someone at some point, but never do I feel attracted to be intimate with random guys. So many of my friends are comfortable with this, and yet I can't imagine myself doing that. Half because I'm pretty sure I might be demi-sexual, but half also because I have absolutely no courage to do that. How do people just ask for some stranger's number because they're cute? And how do people get past that stage?

I guess I just need some assurance that I'm not just going to be anxious about this for the rest of my life, and I'll actually be able to move forward with a relationship in the future?

Reply 1

Doomotron

A lack of experience will make you feel more nervous, which applies to pretty much everything we do in life. I doubt you're going to be anxious for the rest of your life even if you're more anxious than the average person now. There will likely be a point in your life where you'll find someone that you can let your guard down when you're around them - even if that relationship doesn't go well I'd hope it would make you feel more confident in yourself in the future.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Your friends are allowed to like random people but you don't have to. Personally, I find it hard to be into random people, and I very rarely get crushes anymore. Don't force yourself to ask out men just because you feel you need to.

Reply 2

Adegbola

Original post

by Anonymous

So I'm the kind of person who's a hopeless romantic, and I would love to be in a relationship with someone I care for, but it's like I'm blocked and I can never go anywhere with anyone. What I mean is, for example, a guy will show interest in me, and I immediately shoot him down. Maybe because I don't think he's attractive, but even in times where there is literally no reason to, I just freak out and say no. I can't imagine myself going on dates with guys because I feel like it'd be too awkward, and yet everyone around me seems to be fine with just hitting on a guy they think is attractive, or going on dates with some girl/guy they met at a party.
That's one part of it.
I have gone on one date before, with a guy I had a crush on and he liked me back, but it was so damn awkward, and afterwards, even though I tried to just talk with him, he was so quiet and didn't reciprocate. I think that was just a him thing, being too anxious, idk exactly, but I just moved on after that because I'm not going to waste my time with someone who's not doing anything. But at the same time, I just think like, is everything going to turn out that way...? It takes me forever to actually get a crush on someone, and then they turn out like that?
Finally, I have a desire to be intimate with someone at some point, but never do I feel attracted to be intimate with random guys. So many of my friends are comfortable with this, and yet I can't imagine myself doing that. Half because I'm pretty sure I might be demi-sexual, but half also because I have absolutely no courage to do that. How do people just ask for some stranger's number because they're cute? And how do people get past that stage?
I guess I just need some assurance that I'm not just going to be anxious about this for the rest of my life, and I'll actually be able to move forward with a relationship in the future?