Can someone mark my GCSE English Lang Paper 2 Q 5
Travel obsession: A Fool’s Pursuit
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
Original post by VoiidDev
Travel obsession: A Fool’s Pursuit
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
First of all, if you ever have an essay from experience I know most most teachers are more than happy to mark practice papers - it only takes them five secs! In terms of my feedback, I think primarily you need to always have the audience in mind - who are you writing for, how do you make it entertaining/funny and relatable for them? If its a travel magasine appeal to. The humour of the people who would read those and don’t be scared to make jokes as the can be a great technique in transactional writing. The essay is well-structured, with clear arguments supported by examples, such as statistics on theft abroad and the cost of holidays. However, the repetition of certain sections disrupts the flow and should be revised for clarity. The language is persuasive, but some points, like the mention of inexpensive holidays being “underwhelming,” could benefit from further explanation or examples to strengthen the argument. While the counterargument about affordable and safer travel adds balance, it feels underdeveloped compared to the critical points. The conclusion effectively reiterates the stance but could be more concise. Proofreading for minor grammatical errors, such as “whence often avoided,” would improve readability. Overall it was really good though!
Original post by VoiidDev
Travel obsession: A Fool’s Pursuit
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
Travelling is seen by many as being an eye-opening and life-changing experience. After all, travelling encourages people to learn about different religions, nationalities and cultures which can help them build tolerance and empathy towards others. Travelling can also help a person escape from the busyness of everyday life and give a person a time to relax. But is travelling really all that great? In my opinion travelling is expensive, dangerous and damaging which makes it a foolish waste of time…
Travelling is expensive
Every year millions of people work tirelessly in order to save up just enough money for a one-week vacation abroad. The thousands of pounds spent on flight tickets, accommodation and food can be used in far more effective ways. For example, there are cheaper leisure activities than travelling such as watching theatre productions, going to the cinema or even going to amusement parks. Money can be invested into courses that teach useful skills such as public speaking or courses that can help a person progress in their career (such as an accounting course for someone who works in finance). This can have a greater positive impact on someone’s quality of life over a short excursion to somewhere abroad.
Travelling is dangerous
Travelling entails going to unfamiliar places. This can put a tourist’s safety at risk due to them not having the knowledge of local customs and potential hazards. For example, a survey conducted by Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance found that every year 11% of British adults are the victim of theft while on breaks overseas. Of that 11%, 1 in 23 British adults report being robbed in violent ways including: being held at gunpoint or by another deadly weapon, being abducted for a short amount of time and in extreme cases even report being held hostage. Theft is just one of the many dangers of travelling.
Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive or dangerous
Despite this, travelling doesn’t always have to always be expensive and dangerous. For example, plane tickets and hotel room prices are often significantly lower off season which can greatly reduce costs. Also there are many countries that are relatively cheap to visit such as Thailand. Additionally, tourists don’t have to compromise their safety whilst travelling. By being well informed about dangers in different countries people can avoid putting themselves in risky situations. For instance, British tourists can use the gov.uk website in order to educate themselves about hazards in the country they are travelling to.
That being said, I still believe travelling is a foolish waste of time. Although travelling can be cheap it is often difficult to find good prices. Inexpensive holidays often prove to be underwhelming due to budget hotels often having poor facilities, poor customer service and due to them being far from any activities. Also, it is very difficult to educate yourself about all the various risks that are attached to travelling to a specific country. Besides, educating yourself about all the risks involves having to do in-depth research which is time consuming and whence often avoided.
I put it on Tilf website and it gave me this: Paragraphs Feedback
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear thesis statement. However, it could benefit from a more engaging opening to capture the reader's attention.
The second paragraph provides a strong argument about the expense of traveling, supported by relevant examples. The comparison to other leisure activities is effective.
The third paragraph discusses the dangers of traveling with specific statistics, which adds credibility. However, it could be more balanced by acknowledging some safety measures.
The fourth paragraph attempts to provide a counterargument, showing that traveling can be affordable and safe. This adds depth to the essay, but the transition could be smoother.
The fifth paragraph reiterates the main points against traveling, but it could be more concise. The argument about the difficulty of finding good prices is valid but could be expanded with more examples.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis. However, it could be more impactful by suggesting a broader implication or a call to action.
What Went Well
The essay presents a clear and consistent argument against traveling, supported by relevant examples and statistics. The structure is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The use of counterarguments adds depth to the discussion.
Even Better If
The essay could be improved by making the introduction more engaging and by smoothing the transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, the counterargument section could be more balanced by acknowledging some benefits of traveling before refuting them. Expanding on the examples in the final paragraph would also strengthen the argument.
Overall Feedback
This essay presents a clear and consistent argument against traveling, supported by relevant examples and statistics. The structure is logical, and the use of counterarguments adds depth. However, the introduction could be more engaging, and the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Expanding on the examples and balancing the counterargument section would further strengthen the essay.
Marks:
AO5 (Content and Organisation): 16-17 marks (Upper Level 3)
•
AO6 (Technical Accuracy): 10-11 marks (Upper Level 3)
•
total 28
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