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how improve social skills as autistic girl

i suck at making friends, even if i can get kinda friendly with someone i struggle to take it further than acquaintances.
never hang out with anyone outside of school, cant even make online friends
im going to uni next year so i really need to improve on this haha.
can someone break it down into detail for me
any advice is really appreciated
thanks

Reply 1

Aali265

I can't really comment on this because I have never experienced this, but what I can say is that in uni it is way easier to make friends. There are so many events and societies you can join so as long as you attend a couple and talk to people you'll make friends easy. At uni everyone is in the same boat and looking to find some friends just have to be open to it

Reply 2

coffee alert

if you have any interests maybe go to societies for them, you might find a lot of people with those interests

Reply 3

username7394315

Original post by Anonymous

Here's a little guide to small talk. First ask for their name then give your own. Usually if someone asks you a question it's often but not always expected to ask them the same question after you reply unless they answer it when questioning you(for example someone tells you their favorite musician then asks for yours). Even if it's not expected it makes you seem interested in getting to know them and like you care.
If they give very short even one worded responses however then they probably don't want to have a conversation and you should leave them alone.
Anyways here's some good topics for getting to know someone: their major (since they r at uni unless ur talking to someone in the same class as u), any part time jobs they may have(complaining about anoyying bosses or coworkers def helps people bond even if you dont share those bosses/coworkers) , what their hobbies are (includes subjects such as music taste, any sports or video games, etc).
Btw If someone asks what your favorite food/musician/book etc is you don't need to sit there and worry about choosing your literal true greatest of all time favorite in that (unless you already know what that is), just list any option that you've remember enjoying and that you can say at least 1 reason why you like, or an option that you shows who you are. Like for example I don't have a favorite musician but if someone asks i name this goth band i often listen too because it shows i like goth music, and I don't know my favorite book but i can tell you the reasons why i like the human chair by edogawa ranpo so i say that.
Other topics you can broach is if someone has any siblings. Or any pets. If you've known eachother for a while or they bring it up first casually(oh ive got to go im meeting my partner after this etc), you can ask if they've met anyone they want to date/already are dating in uni. The reason you dont ask this during the first few talks is because people will think you're trying to get to know them solely because you want to date them and want to know if they're available.
Also, if someone brings up a fact about themselves during your introduction then ask about it(for example you compliment their clothes and they say they sewed or diyed it then ask about that fact, like "oh, how long have you been sewing for?" Or some other related question).
A good way to make friends is by starting a conversation with the person sitting next to you. To be homest they dont even need to be next to you if you're brave enough just appraovh whoever you want to approach. If you're too scared to do those things with someone you dont know much bout, spend the first few classes seeing if anyone seems really approachable or similar to you or really studious (being friends with the smart kids is good bcz they push you academically and help you academically and they also deal with alot less drama because they're too busy in extra circulars or school to focus on that sort of stuff), then sit near them and have conversations at your seats for like a week without much more (unless they ask for your number/socials or a hangout first) and then suggest you get their number or insta or snap and then talk online a bit as well.
If you're planning on befriending someone who seems more studious ask if you two can have a study session sometimes and have their number/socials by the end of the first session to exchange notes or whatever. Start off with texts purely about education and then slowly bring up other conversation topic (already mentioned how to do that) when not studying in order to bond.
Also, here's some tips to surviving sarcasm and friendly insults/banter. do not insulting joke/banter about something a friend has only brought up in serious context, it will look like you're taking advantage of their honesty and being genuinely mean and they won't feel safe telling you something serious again. you MIGHT be able to joke about something someone has joked about themselves but they might be the type who's only okay when its them making the mean joke about themselves and they might not like it when others make the same mean joke about them(like someone might constantly call themselves dumb but get hurt when others call them dumb), I'd suggest playing it safe though. If you've seen someone make a mean joke towards a person and the person is okay with it then it's almost definitely okay for you to make similar jokes about that topic, unless you're like just an aquiantence to the person and it's their best friend making the mean joke or someone way closer than you. If you seriously can't do sarcasm no matter what then just tell your friend that you seriously wont be able to pick up on such Jokes and a good friend wont make those sort of jokes around you.
the real key to being close friends with someone is spending lots of time together. That's why people have more friends in their younger school years than adulthood because you had to spend 6 hours with the kid sat next to you
Text and talk to them abt a few things here and there and then slowly do it more frequently and about everyday life. Being friends means mentioning the little things like how you forgot to bring a coat on a rainy day and it sucked and what you ate for dinner because if you do that often enough you'll be able to broach more complicated and important topics.
Also please be open about your autism unless you're worried it might be unsafe to tell someone that, and if thats the case they're not worth being friends with. A good friend will understand that you're autstic and it won't cause you to drift apart instead it'll be good because you'll be able to understand eachother better.
Anyways sorry if some of this is ungrammatical i did not reread it and am dyslexic. Anyways i hope you make some real good friends :]

Reply 4

Mgrace894

Hi - I’m an autistic girl too :smile:

It might be helpful to write down some questions to ask people before hand
for example, for uni you could ask:
What’s your name?
What course are you studying (if they’re not in the same class)
Are you staying In student accommodation or at home?
If your staying in student accomdation and they say yes - say me too what accomdation?
Or if your both staying at home say where are you from?
If they’re not doing the same as you then don’t ask further questions
What are your hobbies or interests? And see if you share and intrest
What music do you like?
What’s your films or tv programmes do you like?

Also I bought a social skills book called “improve your social skills” by Daniel wendler which helped me, I deffo reccomend❤️

I hope it goes well for you 🫶