I'm jealous of his ex. Awfully jealous.

Let's just say he had a crush throughout highschool and they hooked up just before she left for college like 1500 miles away. They lost contact, even though he still has her number.

We've been together for two years and he says I'm perfect although he has problems dealing with my past and says this has made him dissapointed in me since he feels I had no self respect back then. But he says I'm the love of his life.

However I feel like maybe if she came back they'd reconnect in a romantic way. I mean I guess the only thing that stopped them from falling in love was that she left. And I saw in facebook that she wants to come back.

Ok, so she's gorgeous. Totally gorgeous, I checked her facebook profile. She was chosen the most beautiful in high school and the one with the best body. She graduated from a top university, and is now a Psychology major, she's participated in several research projects... My boyfriend is about to get his major in Psychology, too. So yeah, they have that in common. She is also probably smarter. And she is into football and so is he, they're fans of the same team, I like that team too, but I don't have a clue about football. I enjoy watching it though.

Now, me. I was teased in high school for being ugly. There, that should be your clue about how I look, even though he says I'm beautiful. I'm generally regarded as smart, and I probably could've gone to a top university, but I couldn't afford it. So I'm in a poor university still studying (I'm younger than them). I'm studying Pedagogy. Pedagogy around here is totally underrated and regarded as one of the career paths that dumb people take. I took it because I love education though. However, it's socially under valued compared to Law, Medicine or, yes, Psychology.

So I feel awful about myself compared to her, inferior, etc. I just feel that if she comes back and they get in touch again, I may end up losing him to her, because he has issues with my past so yeah... I have that flaw.

What can I do to stop feeling like this?

Reply 1

AmyRibbons

if your boyfriend really and truly loves you then he would never leave her for you. Be confident of who you are and how you look, you shouldn't compare yourself with her because i'm certain you may have qualities that she doesn't and every one is unique in their own way. Btw, do you mind me asking what exacly your past issues are it would be nice to have a vauge idea.

Reply 2

tom//

i doubt your boyfriend really judges you about anything youve said in that post

if he says youre perfect and the love of his life then just trust him

Reply 3

RaisinPilot

As an aside, why is a lesser university cheaper than a top university? I'm from New Zealand so just curious

Reply 4

Tinkerbelle ♥

unfortunately, nothing anyone says on here will make a difference to how you're feeling.

I went through the same kind of thing with my boyfriend, the girl before me he lost his virginity too and they had been together for 14 months which when i met him was a long time (as we were only 15) but now we've been together 3 years and i still wonder if he thinks about her and stuff as she was such a huge part of his life.

what you've got to try and come to terms with is that everybody has a past, and it doesn't matter where you go in life there will always be someone you can be compared to so you can either accept it and just be happy knowing he loves you or, you can let it eat away at you.

it's difficult but you'll just get youself down if you keep comparing yourself to her like this! hope it works out for you.

Reply 5

doesitmatter?

To AmyRibbons: I made out with "strangers" at parties in my past. Never had sex though. Just kissing. For the night, then I blew them off.

To RaisinPilot: well, mostly because of resources like infrastructure, etc. I'm from Chile. Here, education is well, very, very commercialized. Those univiersities have a high demand and therefore they can ask for more money. The university I study at doens't have a high demand and it isn't very big, so they can't ask for much money or they would never fill their vacants. I really don't know well why it is like this, but our educational system is very screwed up. There are a lot of differences between private and public schools. I study at a public university. It isn't an awful university, just underrated, but not nearly as good as the one she attended.

Reply 6

Allyx

god i know how u feel :frown:

my bf lost his virginity to his ex.. and they werent together long but he reallllly liked her

we've been together a lot longer now,a year and a half, but she still tries to get in touch with him saying things like what if?

it does my head in!!!!! i always think cos ive like said to him dont speak to her if hes thinking about her and stuff :frown:

Reply 7

Holski

Im going through almost the exact same thing with my boyfriend. We have been together 14 months. Any girl from his past mentiond really gets me jealous.

He also makes me feel bad about my past aswell, which i might add is nothing to be ashamed of really but i think he is really jealous aswell so it gets to him.

Its so stupid that the only thing we argue about is other people, people from before. Even though i know theres no need to get jealous. It doesnt stop me, n i can get really upset in my own mind my sometimes.

Reply 8

Allyx

Holski

its so annoying isnt it

Reply 9

khil

As always - communication, people! Communication is the key. Talk to your boyfriend.

He's with you now - that should be indication enough. He says he loves you and that you're perfect for him. Trust him. And if he does leave you for her, then he's not worth your time.

He, however, should not judge you for your past. Everyone has a past - has he made no mistakes? That's utterly unfair. However, though he might be disappointed, surely he should be proud of who you are now, and the fact that you've changed for the better? I'm sure he is, or he wouldn't be with you. What matters is not who you were, but who you are now, and who you will become.

As for ex's - just be more secure and stop comparing yourself to her. My ex has had a few ex's and he's shown me pictures of his first ex, who happens to be a model. She's stunning - absolutely gorgeous girl, who's experienced and very good in bed lol. He talks about her, and she clearly still likes him, but it doesn't matter because he does not want her back. He feels nothing towards her - that's the difference. I mean, my ex tells me I'm very pretty, but he's also told me that his ex's have all been prettier than I am :rolleyes:

but he's never connected with any other girl the way he has with me. It's clear to me that, ok sure they might be prettier, but I have plenty of good that none of his other ex's have shared, and the quality of my relationship with him is clearly better than his previous ones. That's all I care for really.

Just remember that he's with you for a reason, and he has a connection with you, and you and him share things unique to the two of you - things that no ex can ever share.

Reply 10

whostosay

i think you just tell him how you feel, i always tell my bf when i feel insecure about us. sometimes i'm just like oh she's gorgeous isn't she, or do you think you and x would be together if this if that. (ohh i'm a bit annoying really) sometimes its okay to need that bit of reassurance.

also the fact that he's "disaapointed in you" about your past, surely he should be happy that you've changed and its all good whilst you're with him? (that i assume)

anyways bottom line, talk to him.

xxx

Reply 11

pixiezero13

I Hate His Ex by Alex Cooper is a great book if you are having problems with your partners ex. It really helps to understand and resolve any issues you may have. You can buy the book or download it on Amazon. I have read it and it’s helped me sort out loads of relationship troubles. x

Reply 12

gintoki

Original post by doesitmatter?

We've been together for two years and he says I'm perfect although he has problems dealing with my past and says this has made him dissapointed in me since he feels I had no self respect back then. But he says I'm the love of his life.

So I feel awful about myself compared to her, inferior, etc. I just feel that if she comes back and they get in touch again, I may end up losing him to her, because he has issues with my past so yeah... I have that flaw.

I would consider that a flaw as well to be very honest. However, you are both at fault. You should have had self respect in your past and your bf should have asked about your past before actually getting into the relationship instead of saying this after 2 years :rolleyes: