too insecure to have sex

okay so, i’ve always been insecure about my body, mainly focusing on my stomach, and i feel like men are going to find me disgusting, and i am genuinely contemplating whether or not i’m going to die a virgin.

i have a little bit of a stomach, it kind of makes me look pregnant, it just sticks out, and that’s the only aspect of my body that i’m not okay with, all of the other parts i can deal with, except for my stomach, and i am currently avoiding sex because of it.

Reply 1

offshore-cauldro

Original post by Anonymous

okay so, i’ve always been insecure about my body, mainly focusing on my stomach, and i feel like men are going to find me disgusting, and i am genuinely contemplating whether or not i’m going to die a virgin.
i have a little bit of a stomach, it kind of makes me look pregnant, it just sticks out, and that’s the only aspect of my body that i’m not okay with, all of the other parts i can deal with, except for my stomach, and i am currently avoiding sex because of it.

Put yourself in the shoes of a guy - beyond first impressions appearance ceases to affect their attraction to you as much as they begin to know you, think about your friends, when you think of them you don’t think of their stomachs or ‘flaws’. No one can see your insecurities, and everyone has their own, don’t forget a potential partner is human to. My advice, although easier said than done, would just be to seem confident - know
your worth and it will actualise.

Reply 2

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

It is entirely normal to be insecure about one or more aspects of your appearance. You'd struggle to find anyone who is entirely happy with their body. But as with nearly all insecurities, you assume that people notice or pay attention to these things far more than they actually do. In reality, most people are too concerned about their own insecurities to focus on the flaws of others. You can figure this out for yourself just by thinking other people that you know for a second. How many of those people do you notice in the same detail as you notice yourself? Are there any guys you think would be attractive if not for one physical feature, like how you feel about your stomach? I expect not.

And that's because that's not how attraction works, on two counts. First, physical attraction does not require you to be attracted to every aspect of someone's body, because you don't look at every part individually before deciding if you're attracted to someone. Not in the same way you examine your own body. Second, being attracted to someone to the extent that you want to have sex with them goes beyond what they physically look like. It depends on things like personality, their mannerisms, gestures, smell and a load of other things. Even with things like one night stands where you won't necessarily get to know a person very well, or at all, all of these things go into whether you're attracted to them. And that assessment is usually at a high level. It's unusual to be broadly attracted to someone but put off by one aspect of their appearance. The reality is that as much as this is an insecurity for you, it's unlikely to even register for someone who otherwise wants to have sex with you.

Just to take an example from my own life, but I've been with my wife for over twenty years. We've both always been very active in terms of sport and exercise, and we still are. But as much as you might try to stop it, time and life have effects on your body. I'm still very happy with how I look, and I still think my wife is utterly gorgeous. But it would be ridiculous to suggest that in our late thirties we still have the bodies that we had when we were in our late teens and early twenties, because we absolutely do not. And I know my wife has insecurities about some aspects of how her body has changed in that time. But I can promise you that it does not affect my attraction to her at all. Not even a little bit, because my attraction is based not just on her physical appearance (which I still think is amazing) but her personality, mannerisms and that bond that we've built up over twenty years. Not only do those things transcend any physical imperfections, but they mean that in practice I am absolutely more attracted to my wife and would much rather have sex with her than someone in their late teens or early twenties who might, technically, have a better body. As I say, attraction is more complicated than that. I'm more attracted to my wife now than I ever have been before, and even my wife of twenty or fifteen years ago cannot compete with who she is now in my eyes.

I know I can't make that insecurity disappear, but I hope that this helps to some degree to give a degree of context as to what people are going to find attractive in you. You can, obviously, work on aspects of your appearance to boost your own self esteem, but you can never be exactly how you want to be physically. Appreciating that the things that you don't like about your appearance will almost certainly not matter to someone that otherwise wants to have sex with you can at least hopefully help to get over that hurdle of allowing yourself to be intimate with someone else.

Reply 3

Olabosoye

Original post by Anonymous

okay so, i’ve always been insecure about my body, mainly focusing on my stomach, and i feel like men are going to find me disgusting, and i am genuinely contemplating whether or not i’m going to die a virgin.
i have a little bit of a stomach, it kind of makes me look pregnant, it just sticks out, and that’s the only aspect of my body that i’m not okay with, all of the other parts i can deal with, except for my stomach, and i am currently avoiding sex because of it.

First step to take is identifying yourself. It’s normal to have abit stomach

You can picture yourself as a man and imagine if you have this kind stomach and body structure what’s your intake in it?

Secondly you already identify your own flaws just make a way with it. Work out and try some different methods you can reduce your stomach abit and you are go to go.

Having sex doesn’t matter if you have stomach or not but having sex with someone you want is what matters and stop body shaming yourself it kills self confidence and esteem