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Advise on situation with bf of 4 yrs.

Me and bf both 24 have been together 4 yrs living together 2 and a bit years. First couple years together in uni was great we were happy, I may have missed some signs that might have saved me now like his inability to manage money and always being poor and having poor social skills which means his not really close to my family.

We always split bills 50/50 as its not like i had any more to him. I had just saved from a young age and was able to manage my finances. I realised about a year ago that things were not changing. He kept being short every month I covered everything I bought all of our furniture covered our deposits of flats bought a dog all while not earning more than him. He got so down and miserable wasn't there for me not appreciative, ignored me and started lying about money and making promises that will never happen. I had it and moved out for a month n broke up (2 months ago) in which time I went on holiday and he made a fake account as a boy trying to see if I'd get with someone (I knew it was him and baited him out) but I ended up coming back as he done a wowie and was really nice and living back with my mum wasn't going well. I was also still paying for our flat and all my stuff was here so maybe i was prideful. No one is really keen on the relationship now which I understand from my family and friends view.

Anyway I moved back in with my bf and with my dog who I established clearly he was mine as he had never contributed to his care let alone chip in for buying him so he didnt have a say over the dog which he understood. He always said he'd pay back for that and the furniture never ever has. I carried us monthly he never had money for food or just general living idk where his money went he only earny a few hundred less than me and he didn't help woth house chores and he was so mean to me and salty at me progressing with a better job than him. He got lazy and has been stuck in a job he hates but his so unmotivated I can't stand it. He realised what he was like and can't believe I've stayed this long and i can see him trying to show me his not like that but I'm honestly not sure if it's too late for me. I've sort of said I think he needs to work on himself first before a relationship because he has no idea how to be responsible without me.

I've told him that and that I can't continue living with him because I'm now financially struggling myself amd his relying on me and its stopping me from my dreams od travelling which his also got mad me for wanting to do. It might sound harsh but his not given me much and tbh being with him has probably hindered my financially massively and stopped me from being able to do things because I was making sure ehe got by, he doesn't treat me or take me on dates either . Only when I've nagged n got sad at it. It all comes down to money but his had the chances to save and blew it everytime and got himself in debt and us. I am so done with it all I've ended the tennency so we have 2 months left of living with each other and said I can't promise anything bc i don't know if I will want this after we move out.

I'm currently living with him bc I have no where to go. We are on good terms and his trying to turn it around but I've been honest to not give him so much hope bc i honestly dont know if ill realise im better by myself. His also randomly moving to an island so it would go long distant. Our sex life has also died since all of this and I keep just wondering if it is worth it to try I now feel like there should be so much more when you love someone and this is not it. It's made me sad bc how his been now is what I've wanted but it's aboir 2 years late for me.

I feel bad and can't exactly act on much right now as I have no where to go live until 2 months time. My friends and family think it will just fizzle out or I will just finally put my foot down. It also bothers me I know my friends don't like him and don't want to see him and the thing is I can't blame them bacuse I'd be the exact same. I just am in limbo and just needed to vent about this I know the logical response is to say to break up thats why i went ahead and cut that tie that was keeping us together which was the flat and financial ties. I just came here to vent n get some viewpoints from strangers on the Internet 🤣

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hi, firstly I hope you're okay! Obviously the logical thing would be to break up and move on, however, it's clear that you already know that's the right thing to do, but I also understand that it's wayyy easier said than done. I know you said living with your mum wasn't the best, but do you think you could possibly move in with her? Or maybe any other family or friends (you could rent out a flat with them?) I understand you guys were together for a very very long time and I can't imagine how difficult this must be, especially when you love someone. But if he really loved you, he wouldn't let you struggle financially all this time even after knowing how much effort it took for you to save up all your money. If someone really loves you, they should want the best for you, whether that's with them or without them. Breaking up and moving on can seem daunting, even more so since you were together for years, but you don't know how single life might treat you until you try. At the end of the day, the only person you have is yourself, so there's nothing wrong with being by yourself and working on improving you, so that you can be happier. I think it needs to be normalised that being alone is okay, and that it doesn't always have to feel lonely. And who knows, maybe you will find someone else during that journey, or not, but that's also completely okay! You've spent years taking care of and doing what's best for your bf, now it's time to do the same for you. I'm sorry if this was harsh or anything, just trying to help. Good luck!! And remember, everything happens for a reason.

Reply 2

Rakas21

Have you specifically told him how much you want for the furniture and how much he requires to travel with you?

Reply 3

Iamamazing22

Original post

by Rakas21

Have you specifically told him how much you want for the furniture and how much he requires to travel with you?

He knows how much the furniture was he said he'd would give back half blah blah never did I gave up and call it mine as it'll be coming with me. And he never wanted to travel with me he was just not supportive of me amd freak out. I just got fed up of waiting for him to go halves on stuff otherwise we'd have nothing snd be sleeping on the floor.

Reply 4

Rakas21

Original post

by Iamamazing22

You should be clear in communication with him. It sounds like you’ve adopted the nonsense ‘go with the flow’ approach that has contributed to a high break up rate.

Sit him down, forget hints and be clear on what you want from a future husband and his financial obligations to you and the relationship along with goals like travelling.

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

Imagine a hot air balloon with a 20 tonne dead weight tied to it. That was your boyfriend. Now you've cut the rope, the balloon of your life is going to soar!