I hate all of my friends

Ever since I started year 11 most of my classmates have changed. People are bit more serious, lots of relationships starting and I’ve seen so many friendship breakup from people I thought were super close. I’m scared it’ll happen to mine.

Ever since I joined my school in year 7, I’ve really struggled making close friends. People will always speak to me in lesson and around the school but no one ever speaks to me outside of school. I’ve never been asked to hangout with someone, had a sleepover, call someone or (and as cringy as this sounds) have a streak with someone. I just feel like I’m wasting my teen years because I haven’t even had normal teenage experiences. If my future children ever ask me ‘what did u do when you was 16?’ I won’t be able to tell them anything and it makes me really sad. It’s not like I’m shy or anything and I have really tried to put myself out there but it feels like everyone already has their established friends and there is no space for me.

I have changed friend groups many times in secondary school but it was never because people really liked me and wanted to be my friend but because they feel bad for me. All of my current friends are fake and talk bad about each other and I feel like they don’t truly know me. I know eventually(probably by the end of this year) they’ll all stop being friends. I’m always last to know anything and never included. I will always be the one who has to walk behind everyone or sit at the end of the table.This isn’t that deep but last year they were all in this one gc and they would always talk about it and how they are all going to a trampoline park in front of me, knowing I’m not in it or know anything about it. I know this will sound really selfish but I just want a friend who knows everything about me and actually likes me, someone who will always choose me over anyone else. I have many friends in class but I never try to go into groups or pairs until there is a few people left cause I already know I’m the last option. I recently moved up sets for science which I’m happy about but I have no friends at all and I hate it, if I try to talk to people I am friends with in my other classes I will just feel like a beg.

The only time people speak to me outside of school is always about homework and studying. I hate it so so so much. I don’t like being known as the smart person and I wish I was stupid so people wouldn’t ask me questions about it. People always say that I’m lucky that I’m focused in school and I will do well but why does that mean I can’t have fun? Why can’t I have normal teenage experiences?

I feel like I’m too aware of everything and I really wish I could lose all of it. I have spent so much time alone my brain has studied everything and everyone so I don’t ever embarrass myself but it’s just overwhelming me. Everyone time I remember I’m in year 11, l just feel so sad. School is coming to end and I haven’t done anything. I know it’s a stereotype that people like me thrive in university but I don’t understand why it can’t happen now. I feel so silly having to write a whole rant about how I hate my life anonymously on the internet because I truly have no one.

Reply 1

marsaria

Original post by Anonymous

Ever since I started year 11 most of my classmates have changed. People are bit more serious, lots of relationships starting and I’ve seen so many friendship breakup from people I thought were super close. I’m scared it’ll happen to mine.
Ever since I joined my school in year 7, I’ve really struggled making close friends. People will always speak to me in lesson and around the school but no one ever speaks to me outside of school. I’ve never been asked to hangout with someone, had a sleepover, call someone or (and as cringy as this sounds) have a streak with someone. I just feel like I’m wasting my teen years because I haven’t even had normal teenage experiences. If my future children ever ask me ‘what did u do when you was 16?’ I won’t be able to tell them anything and it makes me really sad. It’s not like I’m shy or anything and I have really tried to put myself out there but it feels like everyone already has their established friends and there is no space for me.
I have changed friend groups many times in secondary school but it was never because people really liked me and wanted to be my friend but because they feel bad for me. All of my current friends are fake and talk bad about each other and I feel like they don’t truly know me. I know eventually(probably by the end of this year) they’ll all stop being friends. I’m always last to know anything and never included. I will always be the one who has to walk behind everyone or sit at the end of the table.This isn’t that deep but last year they were all in this one gc and they would always talk about it and how they are all going to a trampoline park in front of me, knowing I’m not in it or know anything about it. I know this will sound really selfish but I just want a friend who knows everything about me and actually likes me, someone who will always choose me over anyone else. I have many friends in class but I never try to go into groups or pairs until there is a few people left cause I already know I’m the last option. I recently moved up sets for science which I’m happy about but I have no friends at all and I hate it, if I try to talk to people I am friends with in my other classes I will just feel like a beg.
The only time people speak to me outside of school is always about homework and studying. I hate it so so so much. I don’t like being known as the smart person and I wish I was stupid so people wouldn’t ask me questions about it. People always say that I’m lucky that I’m focused in school and I will do well but why does that mean I can’t have fun? Why can’t I have normal teenage experiences?
I feel like I’m too aware of everything and I really wish I could lose all of it. I have spent so much time alone my brain has studied everything and everyone so I don’t ever embarrass myself but it’s just overwhelming me. Everyone time I remember I’m in year 11, l just feel so sad. School is coming to end and I haven’t done anything. I know it’s a stereotype that people like me thrive in university but I don’t understand why it can’t happen now. I feel so silly having to write a whole rant about how I hate my life anonymously on the internet because I truly have no one.

Awww I’m so sorry you feel this way and it genuinely hurts me to know ur going through this, at the same time. It’s better to be alone rather than surround yourself with fake people who don’t truly know you although i know not everyone likes to be alone and can see this is the case for u, I truly believe that 6th form will offer you a new experience and you will meet unforgettable people there. I am extremely proud of you and ur grades and you will do absolutely amazing, I’m truly sorry about this and I hope that your time in year 11 will fly by so ur able to move on to college/6th and experience amazing things. Having true friendship and that one person is truly an amazing thing and I believe you’ll have the experience of it in ur next chapter. Take care lovely !

Reply 2

Padmanabha

Original post by Anonymous

Ever since I started year 11 most of my classmates have changed. People are bit more serious, lots of relationships starting and I’ve seen so many friendship breakup from people I thought were super close. I’m scared it’ll happen to mine.
Ever since I joined my school in year 7, I’ve really struggled making close friends. People will always speak to me in lesson and around the school but no one ever speaks to me outside of school. I’ve never been asked to hangout with someone, had a sleepover, call someone or (and as cringy as this sounds) have a streak with someone. I just feel like I’m wasting my teen years because I haven’t even had normal teenage experiences. If my future children ever ask me ‘what did u do when you was 16?’ I won’t be able to tell them anything and it makes me really sad. It’s not like I’m shy or anything and I have really tried to put myself out there but it feels like everyone already has their established friends and there is no space for me.
I have changed friend groups many times in secondary school but it was never because people really liked me and wanted to be my friend but because they feel bad for me. All of my current friends are fake and talk bad about each other and I feel like they don’t truly know me. I know eventually(probably by the end of this year) they’ll all stop being friends. I’m always last to know anything and never included. I will always be the one who has to walk behind everyone or sit at the end of the table.This isn’t that deep but last year they were all in this one gc and they would always talk about it and how they are all going to a trampoline park in front of me, knowing I’m not in it or know anything about it. I know this will sound really selfish but I just want a friend who knows everything about me and actually likes me, someone who will always choose me over anyone else. I have many friends in class but I never try to go into groups or pairs until there is a few people left cause I already know I’m the last option. I recently moved up sets for science which I’m happy about but I have no friends at all and I hate it, if I try to talk to people I am friends with in my other classes I will just feel like a beg.
The only time people speak to me outside of school is always about homework and studying. I hate it so so so much. I don’t like being known as the smart person and I wish I was stupid so people wouldn’t ask me questions about it. People always say that I’m lucky that I’m focused in school and I will do well but why does that mean I can’t have fun? Why can’t I have normal teenage experiences?
I feel like I’m too aware of everything and I really wish I could lose all of it. I have spent so much time alone my brain has studied everything and everyone so I don’t ever embarrass myself but it’s just overwhelming me. Everyone time I remember I’m in year 11, l just feel so sad. School is coming to end and I haven’t done anything. I know it’s a stereotype that people like me thrive in university but I don’t understand why it can’t happen now. I feel so silly having to write a whole rant about how I hate my life anonymously on the internet because I truly have no one.

I am sorry you feel that way. This is very normal because your EQ is very high. I know it is not imagination and you tend to understand subtle gestures than other people. Don't try to look for facial expressions or cues or proof that people like you. Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. And don't chase friends or try to be in a group that you don't feel comfortable in , just to get that 'teenager experience.' Just be your self, and be proud of yourself. There may be tons of people in your school who are wishing they were like you. You have your whole live in front of you and you will definitely get good friendships. And No, You are not losing your teenage years, trust me. when you think about these years on a later date, you will definitely have lots to tell your children. Just lose all the anxious thoughts and be free. Not easy in this world to juggle good academics and social acceptance - seems like you have it all. Don't imagine people are including you just because they feel sorry for you. Some may be accepting you as you are, there may be some who are feeling inferior to you , and some who may feel superior to you. This is adult life. Be happy and enjoy your life.