How to not be jealous of your friends' success

So my friend applied for the position of head girl at my school. She's very well suited to the role, has helped the school in so many ways, and knows the headteacher very well, so I'm pretty sure she's going to get the spot. I had also planned to apply, but decided last minute that it is not something I would do great in, and I wouldn't have a great chance of being successful anyways (because I'm quite introverted and lack punctuality, complete opposite of my friend). I had some sort of attachment to the idea of being head girl, but not too much. But I still feel envious that my friend will be able to become head girl, meet lots of important people, have her name carved permanently onto a wall etc. Its something she's pretty adamant about and to be honest, for the past few days I've been hoping she wouldn't make it. I've realised now how horrible that is and I want to improve.
It doesn't help that we've grown apart the past few months of sixth form, with me always texting her and her never replying back. Moreover, I feel like I'm sort of being replaced by others now, despite us being best friends since the beginning of secondary school. I'm not invited to study sessions with her other friend, she tells me about programmes that I would find interesting after the deadline has passed, and she's rarely willing to spend time with me anymore. I understand she's busy doing 4 a levels, but it feels degrading to search for my friend the whole of lunch only for her to text me that she was studying with her other friends 2 hours later. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I wasn't in today and none of my friends had realised until I had told them way later after school by text. This may just be a natural part of growing up, but I feel hopeless because my friend is about the only person I can talk to comfortably, and I really struggle with making new friends because I'm socially awkward. I used to be a sort of loner most of primary school, so making a close friend is something I was really happy about. All this pent up frustration and anger has sort of turned into envy of what my friend will accomplish.

Is this a natural part of growing up? I suppose everyone is more uni and career focussed in sixth form. How do I let go of this envy?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

So my friend applied for the position of head girl at my school. She's very well suited to the role, has helped the school in so many ways, and knows the headteacher very well, so I'm pretty sure she's going to get the spot. I had also planned to apply, but decided last minute that it is not something I would do great in, and I wouldn't have a great chance of being successful anyways (because I'm quite introverted and lack punctuality, complete opposite of my friend). I had some sort of attachment to the idea of being head girl, but not too much. But I still feel envious that my friend will be able to become head girl, meet lots of important people, have her name carved permanently onto a wall etc. Its something she's pretty adamant about and to be honest, for the past few days I've been hoping she wouldn't make it. I've realised now how horrible that is and I want to improve.
It doesn't help that we've grown apart the past few months of sixth form, with me always texting her and her never replying back. Moreover, I feel like I'm sort of being replaced by others now, despite us being best friends since the beginning of secondary school. I'm not invited to study sessions with her other friend, she tells me about programmes that I would find interesting after the deadline has passed, and she's rarely willing to spend time with me anymore. I understand she's busy doing 4 a levels, but it feels degrading to search for my friend the whole of lunch only for her to text me that she was studying with her other friends 2 hours later. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I wasn't in today and none of my friends had realised until I had told them way later after school by text. This may just be a natural part of growing up, but I feel hopeless because my friend is about the only person I can talk to comfortably, and I really struggle with making new friends because I'm socially awkward. I used to be a sort of loner most of primary school, so making a close friend is something I was really happy about. All this pent up frustration and anger has sort of turned into envy of what my friend will accomplish.
Is this a natural part of growing up? I suppose everyone is more uni and career focussed in sixth form. How do I let go of this envy?

Identify that you're jealous

Think about why you're jealous

Think about if it's worth being jealous

If so think about healthy ways to get what you want

That's the healthy way to deal with being jealous.

Reply 2

ilovejeongin143

Original post

by Anonymous

So my friend applied for the position of head girl at my school. She's very well suited to the role, has helped the school in so many ways, and knows the headteacher very well, so I'm pretty sure she's going to get the spot. I had also planned to apply, but decided last minute that it is not something I would do great in, and I wouldn't have a great chance of being successful anyways (because I'm quite introverted and lack punctuality, complete opposite of my friend). I had some sort of attachment to the idea of being head girl, but not too much. But I still feel envious that my friend will be able to become head girl, meet lots of important people, have her name carved permanently onto a wall etc. Its something she's pretty adamant about and to be honest, for the past few days I've been hoping she wouldn't make it. I've realised now how horrible that is and I want to improve.
It doesn't help that we've grown apart the past few months of sixth form, with me always texting her and her never replying back. Moreover, I feel like I'm sort of being replaced by others now, despite us being best friends since the beginning of secondary school. I'm not invited to study sessions with her other friend, she tells me about programmes that I would find interesting after the deadline has passed, and she's rarely willing to spend time with me anymore. I understand she's busy doing 4 a levels, but it feels degrading to search for my friend the whole of lunch only for her to text me that she was studying with her other friends 2 hours later. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I wasn't in today and none of my friends had realised until I had told them way later after school by text. This may just be a natural part of growing up, but I feel hopeless because my friend is about the only person I can talk to comfortably, and I really struggle with making new friends because I'm socially awkward. I used to be a sort of loner most of primary school, so making a close friend is something I was really happy about. All this pent up frustration and anger has sort of turned into envy of what my friend will accomplish.
Is this a natural part of growing up? I suppose everyone is more uni and career focussed in sixth form. How do I let go of this envy?

Personally, I would distance myself from her if I were you. She's constantly ditching you to be with her other friends instead of communicating. It's understandable that she's busy doing 4 alevels, it does not make it an excuse for her to be a bad friend.

Reply 3

Wired_1800

Original post

by Anonymous

So my friend applied for the position of head girl at my school. She's very well suited to the role, has helped the school in so many ways, and knows the headteacher very well, so I'm pretty sure she's going to get the spot. I had also planned to apply, but decided last minute that it is not something I would do great in, and I wouldn't have a great chance of being successful anyways (because I'm quite introverted and lack punctuality, complete opposite of my friend). I had some sort of attachment to the idea of being head girl, but not too much. But I still feel envious that my friend will be able to become head girl, meet lots of important people, have her name carved permanently onto a wall etc. Its something she's pretty adamant about and to be honest, for the past few days I've been hoping she wouldn't make it. I've realised now how horrible that is and I want to improve.
It doesn't help that we've grown apart the past few months of sixth form, with me always texting her and her never replying back. Moreover, I feel like I'm sort of being replaced by others now, despite us being best friends since the beginning of secondary school. I'm not invited to study sessions with her other friend, she tells me about programmes that I would find interesting after the deadline has passed, and she's rarely willing to spend time with me anymore. I understand she's busy doing 4 a levels, but it feels degrading to search for my friend the whole of lunch only for her to text me that she was studying with her other friends 2 hours later. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I wasn't in today and none of my friends had realised until I had told them way later after school by text. This may just be a natural part of growing up, but I feel hopeless because my friend is about the only person I can talk to comfortably, and I really struggle with making new friends because I'm socially awkward. I used to be a sort of loner most of primary school, so making a close friend is something I was really happy about. All this pent up frustration and anger has sort of turned into envy of what my friend will accomplish.
Is this a natural part of growing up? I suppose everyone is more uni and career focussed in sixth form. How do I let go of this envy?

There are many parts to your problem but you seem to have mixed them up.

First, you should not go for the post of head girl because you think it would be good to do it but because you are passionate about it. You can look for other prefect roles that would give you leadership skills and you can work as part of a team.

The second and more important bit is that your friendship with the new head girl seems to be deteriorating and you are struggling to salvage it hence you are lashing out unnecessarily. I would suggest that you speak to the girl in question to see whether you are still really friends rather than suffer in silence.

Also, the head girl could be a top performer and your approach (as you said e.g. functionality, not studying etc) could be different to hers, so she wants to be around people that operate at her level. If that‘s the case, you have to either improve yourself or look for other friends at your level so you don’t have a massive falling out.

Good luck

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Original post

by Anonymous

So my friend applied for the position of head girl at my school. She's very well suited to the role, has helped the school in so many ways, and knows the headteacher very well, so I'm pretty sure she's going to get the spot. I had also planned to apply, but decided last minute that it is not something I would do great in, and I wouldn't have a great chance of being successful anyways (because I'm quite introverted and lack punctuality, complete opposite of my friend). I had some sort of attachment to the idea of being head girl, but not too much. But I still feel envious that my friend will be able to become head girl, meet lots of important people, have her name carved permanently onto a wall etc. Its something she's pretty adamant about and to be honest, for the past few days I've been hoping she wouldn't make it. I've realised now how horrible that is and I want to improve.
It doesn't help that we've grown apart the past few months of sixth form, with me always texting her and her never replying back. Moreover, I feel like I'm sort of being replaced by others now, despite us being best friends since the beginning of secondary school. I'm not invited to study sessions with her other friend, she tells me about programmes that I would find interesting after the deadline has passed, and she's rarely willing to spend time with me anymore. I understand she's busy doing 4 a levels, but it feels degrading to search for my friend the whole of lunch only for her to text me that she was studying with her other friends 2 hours later. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I wasn't in today and none of my friends had realised until I had told them way later after school by text. This may just be a natural part of growing up, but I feel hopeless because my friend is about the only person I can talk to comfortably, and I really struggle with making new friends because I'm socially awkward. I used to be a sort of loner most of primary school, so making a close friend is something I was really happy about. All this pent up frustration and anger has sort of turned into envy of what my friend will accomplish.
Is this a natural part of growing up? I suppose everyone is more uni and career focussed in sixth form. How do I let go of this envy?

I understand that your friend is doing 4 A levels and seems to be a high-perfoming/ambitious student, but I don't think that's any excuse to be sidelining you. I get that she may be busy, but friendships are important. I think you should talk to her about it. Essentially gauge if you're still friends or if you are going your separate ways, which unfortunately does sometimes happen at sixth form.