Clingy friend affecting me making new friendships
I have a friend on my course who I've been really close with for a while, however, I've been recently feeling frustrated as I've realised how clingy they are. We're good friends, and I appreciate the friendship - I do, but I just feel like I need some space from him every now and then to make new connections. I now feel it's starting to affect my ability to make new friends. I've been wanting to branch out on my course for a while, but he always wants to sit beside me and talk to me only. In tutorial sessions, he'll sit on a table on his own and expect me to join him. However, when I try and join other groups he just sits in silence, and waits for me to stop talking to others. It makes me feel pressured that I'm not talking to him, like I'm not giving him enough attention. There have been instances before where I'm walking and talking to someone else, and he'll just be behind or in front of me - again not talking - until we split and it's just me and him. It makes me feel awkward.
I know that he's had issues with friends and been insecure in the past, so I imagine that plays a role. I don't know how to approach the situation, and I don't know if I'm just being a bad friend by wishing this?
I know that he's had issues with friends and been insecure in the past, so I imagine that plays a role. I don't know how to approach the situation, and I don't know if I'm just being a bad friend by wishing this?
Reply 1
Hello!
I'm sorry you're going through this, I remember going through the same thing, and when I was younger, I was the clingy friend so I can see the POV from both sides a little bit in your situation! Personally, I don't think you're a bad friend and I appreciate that you recognize and have enough sympathy to be with him and give him attention and such. I think you need to continue handling this with care, both for yourself and for your friend. Please sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk, as well as assert your boundaries too in a kind but firm manner. You are both human, we all make mistakes and we can't read each other's minds (though imagine how cool that would be), so communication is the answer regarding relationships most of the time. If you can and he's receptive to the idea, also encourage the guy to make some other friends or introduce him to other friends that you have.
Cheers!
I'm sorry you're going through this, I remember going through the same thing, and when I was younger, I was the clingy friend so I can see the POV from both sides a little bit in your situation! Personally, I don't think you're a bad friend and I appreciate that you recognize and have enough sympathy to be with him and give him attention and such. I think you need to continue handling this with care, both for yourself and for your friend. Please sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk, as well as assert your boundaries too in a kind but firm manner. You are both human, we all make mistakes and we can't read each other's minds (though imagine how cool that would be), so communication is the answer regarding relationships most of the time. If you can and he's receptive to the idea, also encourage the guy to make some other friends or introduce him to other friends that you have.
Cheers!
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI have a friend on my course who I've been really close with for a while, however, I've been recently feeling frustrated as I've realised how clingy they are. We're good friends, and I appreciate the friendship - I do, but I just feel like I need some space from him every now and then to make new connections. I now feel it's starting to affect my ability to make new friends. I've been wanting to branch out on my course for a while, but he always wants to sit beside me and talk to me only. In tutorial sessions, he'll sit on a table on his own and expect me to join him. However, when I try and join other groups he just sits in silence, and waits for me to stop talking to others. It makes me feel pressured that I'm not talking to him, like I'm not giving him enough attention. There have been instances before where I'm walking and talking to someone else, and he'll just be behind or in front of me - again not talking - until we split and it's just me and him. It makes me feel awkward.
I know that he's had issues with friends and been insecure in the past, so I imagine that plays a role. I don't know how to approach the situation, and I don't know if I'm just being a bad friend by wishing this?
I know that he's had issues with friends and been insecure in the past, so I imagine that plays a role. I don't know how to approach the situation, and I don't know if I'm just being a bad friend by wishing this?
You are 100% not being a bad friend!!!
If he's had issues with friends in the past, he's prob got some kind of fear that he's gonna lose you or something similar. By you talking to other people, he may feel scared that you'll prefer them to him, and that you'll ditch him... he's prob insecure about himself and doesn't feel good enough.
What you should do is assure him that he's your friend. Make him feel loved and appreciated. Hang out with him and do little things for him, just to make him feel reassured and content. Maybe try and include him in your conversations with other people by asking him questions or asking him for his opinion on something etc. Just to make him feel really included and more comfortable around your other friends.
If he still appears clingy and awkward, confront him. I don't mean rushing at him, shouting etc. Do it calmly and kindly. Just sit down and chat with him. Encourage him to make some new friends, talk to some of your friends and all that jazz. BUT, please still assure him that he means the world to you and is your friend, so he doesn't feel like he's being pushed away.
It's nobody's fault in this situation, he's prob just very insecure and possibly traumatised by his past friendship troubles, and fears the same will happen again. By reassuring him of your close bond while motivating him to go out and explore and make new friends, you are being the best friend you can be.
And, it's completely understandable to want a break from a friend. I've been through the same thing where you see them so much that you need a change of company, and that's valid. That's why it's important he makes other friends, so that you get a break but he also has a break too, having lots of different company to choose from. I love all my friends because they are all so different, and I need each of them in different situations. As long as you don't scream at him or get really irate with him and handle it with tactfulness and sympathy, it will all be alright 🙂
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